illusions, confusions
they all seem true
when i think of the past
i think about you
into the deep end
its natural but it'sblue
i wonder and i wander
its complicated but it's you
in times and scenes
its seems and its real
its hard to accept
but anything can feel
abyss and release
interpret
conceal
confiscate the obvious
retaliate and deal
my hands are old
my conscience isn't clear
manuscripts and confidence
the truth can never
steal
will it ever be
the questions in my mind
marriage and soul commitment
are really hard to find.

feel and be felt
hearts and its pelts
of truth and meaning
souls corrupt obscene
flicker of reaching
and believing
what it does not want
to hear.
undo but remember
tell all to forget
the joy and beginnings
the emptiness
of new identity
results and regrets
misfortunes and placed bets
ensue and form
equipped with unknown
murderous sights
grip my longing
to push until broken
loved yet unwanted
felt but not kept.
the cancer of curiosity

oh, beautiful illusion
grazing my glorified point of view
misleading wants
biased selflessness
trains in sight
translucent and always late
old music tenderly swooning
emotions of my moments
i am the pretender
i am the fear within fear
of leaving
i'm regressing towards
love's slavery
forceful freedom
and sheltered
unknowns

dusty dreams
heavy hearts
fleeting folly
of this happy home
bed making afternoons
love and loss
objects of affection
waiting to be felt
empty voices
soothing sounds
take refuge here
apparitions of ambition
manifest in well lit rooms
delicate moments
dwindle in the lamp-shade of longing
nesting in the shadows
is the bright light
of beginnings
but i still grasp for broken glass
i still cherish the remains
i paint exits
cover doorways
and wait alone
i cannot fear
what i haven't touched
i will never leave
what i miss so much

mercy
you're rising now
tempting the lines
of personal decadence
uneducated
with numbers
just feeling
and wonders
unearthed and exhumed
by treacherous admittance
four years of commitment
composed of sinful self sacrifice
caused us unrest
left us unchanged
corrupted and pleading
for lampshades and cradles
nesting in suffered sheets
why are you alone?
beginnings break free
when you battle the best part
mercy
you're alive yet unwell
in your dreams for fair weather

feel my skin
touch my heart
accept my undertones
adhere to its sympathies
embrace my struggle
ponder my curiosity
braid my hair
bare my courage
take pride in my potency
sing to my soul
penetrate my light
trace my outside world
consume my life
enjoy my blood
cut up my thoughts
shove my spirit
endure the unknown
**** me dry
fear, not do.

please stop calling
the window is falling
down to the crown
of your head
theres no opening for challenges
ive resented
and vented
now im jumping myself
into pain
rewind and you'll see
i was there, when free
now im committed and stretched
dim and diminished
stop trying
it was love
and its dying
flicker and flutter
at dusk
with another you will know
it was your father
who put me away