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ME
Everytime I try
So hard to be nice
But, I always end up
As a bad person
A nuisance
Someone who existed
To have evilness
In this world..


I always tried so hard
To be better
To be loved
To be understood
Yet I'm always a tool
I wanted to be
So that I could be helpful

But too much, makes me
More than that much
Makes me a greater demon
To the world
I
I
my spirit
my soul
I often neglect you
thinking it is my mind
that is I
                              it controls


My soul
from now on,
when I
write
speak
dance
sing
paint
draw
be
I will let you carve the path
for You are I
and that is the most authentic
I.
Each month, I set an intention to focus on and work towards.
May - Be aware and authentic. This poem is a mid-month expression
 May 2018 eric calabrese
Kenya83
I look in to your eyes and the rest of the world slips away,
like melting butter under flames
Im not here nor there
I am ethereal, consumed by the universe
The shore retired revealing golden bed
The sun was set to rest
The moon full, withdrew, declined to speak
There were no need for words or a language to seek
The vibrancy from your earth brown eyes set me alive
The fire from your parted mouth sends meteor showers raining down
I touch the wetness of a tear
my body and my mind
The third time I cried
Forever hypnotised
I submitted to your eyes
Instead of arguing about the “L” word,
We argue about why the refrigerator door was left open,
Why our clothes smell like cigarette smoke,
Instead of arguing about the fact that we barely see each other
We argue about social media posts,
Then we clash and hurtful words are said.
While tears run down our faces, one of us always walks away.

So then one of us apologize.
With a motion of a hand, we call each other over and offer a small smile.
Our lips read “I love you” as we pull each other closer,
Your wrap your fingers around mine and respond with a kiss.

The usual “I would do anything for you” is spoken out loud, and as people stare at us making faces, we don't care.

We kiss again and all is forgiven.
I miss us texting.
I miss us talking like we used to.
I miss you looking at me with those wonderstruck eyes filled with awe.
I miss the way you would let me use your arm to lay my head on in the car.
I miss when we would listen to music and just stare into each other’s eyes.
I miss us.
I miss you.
My head is filled with voices
Each have something to say
Telling me to make different choices
Each wants to get their way

I am trapped in a box of confusion
Inhaling water of a million oceans
My broken parts have suffered complete immersion
My heart has dealt with a thousand erosions

The voices chew through my nerves
Like acid
Their tone of voice swerves
Their faces placid

I have a gift for pretending
Keeping this smile on my face
As if my world was not ending
Even though that is the case
You're sitting there
as if it was all okay
and you smile at me
as if it meant nothing,
while I try to hide
how much my hands are shaking
and how fast my heart is beating.

I shouldn't feel that way,
it shouldn't be so hard
to just say hello
and treat you with indifference.
You won't ever imagine
the thoughts that run through my brain,
the dreams I had with you
and how much I regret
not turning this real
when we had the chance.

I wish you didn't fit so well
into what I crave.
I wish everyone that I'm attracted to
didn't look so much like you.
I wish I hadn't been blind
and wasted all the chances.
And I'm so so sorry.

All I can do is accept
and hope that she makes you
as happy as you deserve.
As independent as I am

I thought this would never come out my mouth

And

I can't believe I am saying this
But

I cannot live my life without you.
I need you
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