I’m addicted to the feel of cold metal sliding across bare flesh
Addicted to the instant
when nothing marks smooth skin
immediately before
red rivers rapidly rise
painting a once white canvas
with a flood of emotion,
tears on my cheeks,
sobs caught in my throat,
numbness replaced by pain & sadness.
Addicted to the imperfection
of red welts and dotted scabs that follow,
fingers drawn like magnets
to the texture of healing skin,
tracing over and over and over now fading ridges
Amazed that I am strong enough
to heal myself over and over and over.
Convincing myself that I am strong enough.
I find strength in my weakness.

Its raining.
Pouring,
Vivid flow of sorrow.

It rained too.
On that day,
Those spider lilies,
Bloomed on you.

Now,
Every downpour,
Is a requiem.
Singing your name.

Ripples surround me
A steady river flowing
Whispers memories.

Sometimes I wonder
If you chose
To break me

Did it make you
Feel free?
Did it distract you
From your own mind?

Because mine?
It skips moments
Replays the same scenes
And repeats fear and doubt
Over and over

When I'm reminded
Of my minds mayhem
It's because
Something
Or someone
Reminded me
Of you.

l.v.s