leaving me like this
leaving and then blocking me
how dare you say i fixed you
only to drain me of everything

Like the blood blister on my thumb
I’m marked by you
Injured from the friction of trying too hard
Over and over again
To light you up and inhale you
My boy of smoke
Lingering always but never tangible
Weave yourself into my hair
Sit in my lungs
Stain my lips and
Keep me
Love me
Breathe me
Bite me

I have within me
a thousand year's worth of want —
and an empty bed

oh i look alive sure
i should do
but i am a blur
of high and not being
sober
i refuse to exist sober
aerosol and ****
food is scarce
i never feel like eating
i want to curl up and cry
anytime, all the time
nothing matters
not me
not the ghost of him
not the ghost of all my sins
nothing matters but the up
smoking and huffing and cutting and crying
laughing and smiling like it does
when your watching them
knowing their watching you
destroying yourself

I should've held you tighter
Should've held your hands more often
Should've tell you how much i love you,
Should've tell you how much i care.
I should've kissed you
Should've give you more attention

There's so many things i should've done,
But didn't because of my egoistic self