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And as the clock struck 12
You probably kissed her
With alcohol on your breath
And no trace of me on your mind
I just thought about this now.
MY MOTHER AND I IN THE CAR:

Mom: What ever happened to that boy you told me about?

Me: Oh, we kind of just stopped talking.

WHAT EACH OF US REALLY MEANT:

Mom: So, are you in some kind of secret relationship I don't know about? Are you meeting people without me hearing about it? Are you sneaking out at night to drink and do drugs and strip and sleep with boys? Do you have a love life? Tell me about everything so I can know every little detail of your life, freak out about it, obsess over it and lock you in a tower so you never ever date anyone ever or have any kind of a life because I am worried about you and I don't trust you but I love you so I am going to be as overprotective as physically possible.

Me: He turned out to be someone different than who I thought he was.
And also I don't trust you we have a terrible mother-daughter relationship and I will never confide in you because you would never understand that emotions are not logical and you are not always right mom. I love you, but I could never put my faith in you or count on you to carry me when I am broken.
Funny how she and I can't have a decent conversation nor an honest one.
You drunkenly texted me regarding how I'm supposedly "Really pretty"
and how you can "only imagine how much prettier I've gotten" since you last saw me
Well, what makes you think time increases beauty?
Especially when I had none to begin with?
Well, alright yes
My beauty has multiplied by exactly 85 times as much as it used to be
*0 times 85 is still zero though
I hate when he texts me when he is intoxicated. how did a summer romance come to mean too much to me?
I don't like good dreams because when I wake up I realize how impossible what my mind just made up really is.
last night. well then again I used to have nightmares and wake up to reality that was no comfort and I wished I could go back to the nightmare because at least it wasn't real.
I think I'd like to have a British accent that sometimes randomly morphs into a Russian one.
This is a series that I will be adding to and I invite anyone else to add to.

So basically you label your poem "Spontaneous Thoughts (Series)"

Then you literally just write a random thought you had.

It can be philosophical, deep, funny, weird, really weird, crazy, sad, happy, hopeful, extremely crazy or just super random (like mine) or literally anything. Just a random thought.

I am interested to see what people think about randomly. You can add to this series as much as you want because I for one have multiple Spontaneous Thoughts and I'm sure some of you guys do too, so yeah.

Also, include the hashtag #spontaneousthougths

And no pressure, you don't have to but if some people would repost this, that would be great just so more people get involved and feel free to message me to let me know you did one, you know, so I can check it out.
I was dancing
With him
I didn't even know him until I was in his arms
Handsome, though I hardly care
Charming, but because of his soul, not his words
And warm, in a way that wasn't physical
He held me like he knew what he was doing
Like I would be safe with him
Like a promise
In the most beautiful white dress
And I was beautiful
The most beautiful girl there
Everyone wanted to dance with him
But he chose me
And I couldn't believe it
We danced all night
And of course
I messed up the steps
Tripping over myself
Clumsily, as usual
But Lord I was beautiful still
And he just smiled and somehow found it lovely, that I was imperfect
He whispered to me
And we danced and danced
And I was beautiful
**Then I woke up
Oh, yes right. I'm not beautiful and no boy will ever love me or even like me or even notice me. Sorry, I watched a fairytale movie before sleeping and it slipped my mind when I was in my subconscious. I like it so much better in my make-believe world of dreams.

A dream is a wish your heart makes
Then reality kicks you in the head.
Stupid, stupid girl.
You've always been the addict, huh?
Leave him be,
He doesn't even want you,
Doesn't need you.
You're so dependent on him.
You keep breaking your rules,
Not that you were ever very good at keeping them.

First you needed pictures, images -- to feel? --
Then words, delicate and *****.
Hell knows you've always needed pain
And more, ever since you found it could be harnessed.
Plus you've been struggling with fumes for years now.

He isn't a high.
He's a hangover.

When are you going to let go?
You need to let go.
Someone, make me let go of him, please.
I've always loved poison.
- - -
"You'd be the taste lingering on my lips.
It'd be my hands clinging to your hips.
I gotta get get get it out, gotta get me out.
Find the flaws, find the switch, just shut it down."
~ Addicted To Bad Decisions by Emery
When everyone talks
.                                 I dream of a silence
When no one is here                            
That's wishful thinking
© copyright Matthew Marquis Xavier Donald 2015
"The walls around me slowly close in threatening to crush me between my throes of guilt and shame"

Walls like towers
Made of questions of "why's"
And distorted old stories
That reach the sky
Bred of agony and despair
Watching you slowly die
Gone, as if you were never there
Don't suffer through the fate of lies
Scream out the rage and make yourself care


"A threshold where I fall off the edge just to find myself back on the verge"

A door like desperation
Walking through to whence you came
Revolving around, teasing your mind
Like a revolver with bullets of shame
Shooting you between the eyes, every time
Lodging in your brain
Never leaving, or something you can find
Opening and closing; playing you like a toy in a game
Break down the door, smash through to the other side
Tear it off the hinges, don't even save the frame


"I beat upon the glass to shatter it,
but find only my hope's breaking"

Windows like pictures
Of things in the past
That you can no longer have
How long can the struggle really last
Before your insides bubble, boil and burn with regret
Time to find a way around the pane, fast
As the windows gets smaller and you completely forget
All the good in life of your past
Calm yourself, release your guilt,
Don't let feelings of which you can't control amass


"It'll all come crashing down, how much can this brittle barrier bear before a familiar, fickle fate is found?"

A roof like design
Made of the limits you've thrown upon yourself
Images vivid, destructive and divine
Playing projections of depth and death
Inception in the back of your mind
Telling you you're simply not good enough
Rise up, reach out and surely you will find
You are truly made of stronger stuff


"
This is my house of Hell and Horror and to it, I will always belong. I never knew finding home could ever go so wrong"*

A *house
like hell
Horrors and demons of your scarred heart
Built up, surrounding you in agony and pain
Ripping out your core, tearing you apart
Sweltering in the heat of lies you contain
Never finding the ending, or where to restart
*Keep faith, light a fire, don't live in vain
Burn it, smoke out the truth and purify the hearth
Watch the flames destroy it all, until nothing remains
Look out to the world, at all that now surrounds you
And silently wait for the rain
Bold from: House of Hell and Horror 1-5 by Frank Ruland
For Frank's "Let's Do A Line!" challenge.
All these lines, plus all 5 poems in there entirity, truly meant a lot and struck deeply within me. If you like this even a little, please read Frank's "House of Hell and Horror" series. Thank you dearly Frank for writing them and the challenge which gave me the opportunity to post this. I hope you like it. <3
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