my world is messy
I can never be still
this feeling
that feeling
I never feel calm

I can be happy
Joyous
Funny
Laughing
and then
I can be sad
miserable
melancholy
serious

it's all a giant mess
and I can't seem
to gain control
and the only emotion
that's never changed
is the one of
love
and
suicide.

funny how even those are
complete
opposites.

-r.y.s

they ask me the colour of my soul and i say
mustard
and then they ask why and i have to think

is it because its bright but coated in a layer
of dust
not grey but not entirely yellow bright?

It seems impossible to articulate
The specific degree of hate
I feel for what I'm not
My musings leave me distraught
I feel unable to change my fate.

I fear becoming the person
Who's mind just seems to worsen
That has lost the ability to grow
Creativity under the nuclear snow
Swept away by fear and coercion

I look now at what I've created
The only one by whom I'll be berated
Sees only mediocrity
I already regret this atrocity
I'll only ever hate it

You'd love to learn my secret
And I would tell you what it is
But to make and admission I would regret
Would require me to emit it exists

It's not that I don't want to tell you
I'm desperate to drop the facade
But it has less gravity than the potential ridicule
So please continue to think me odd

I'm worried about the rationalizations
That I'll be told I'm confused and it's just a phase
And since I've not confirmed these realizations
Hidden I have stayed

Truth or Dare is a ***** to play
When you can't tell friends from foes
It's even worse, having to guard what you say
Concealing the agro