"What is this? Something new.
So I have no need of you
But my plan will follow through
And for that, once more, I'll use you

But I'll get a taste again, I never thought I'd be able
Plan A fell through
For Plan B, I will settle.
Until  I get what I really want
I don't think I can wait
So I cast you aside

Only after I've made this mistake...

Keep you on the side until your usefulness ends.
One more bill until I let it end.
I take what I wanted
For what I've waited
Covert trysts intoxicated
My backup plan, no longer needed.

But the consequence I had failed to keep abated.
After desires have been sated.

I led you on, so happy that I was able
Until my confidence and Plan B were on the table.
The morning after, no concern if you are stable.

Things don't change
Time to move on from this fable."

I have no reason why,
The selfish, in vain, take hold
Of a hope that cannot die,
It’s really getting old

But letting go doesn’t seem to be
In the cards, i can’t play it
On the tip of a thought,
An answer, i can’t say it

And the limits imposed
by the lack of understanding
Makes acceptance the course
And of course, I’m not accepting

Struggling in vain, there’s no other way
Can i at least believe they know i remember.
Nothing i could do
but to Watch, and to pray
Until returning our bodies to clay

I try too hard somehow, without ever even trying
Fruitless is the hand offering semblance to the dying
The greatest minds can't find the cure
What offer could i proffer here
That wouldn't requisite a dejected tear...

In vain, or in vanity
Selfishness or insanity?
No control over desire to
Defeat this infirmity

Should be left to the learned
It's hard to trust the tried.
I couldn’t agree more
On nights like tonight.

Another cycle come and gone
of invasive crap chewing out the inside of my skull
armor of stoicism, nagging need to atone
I could let you know, but i'll leave it alone

I am used to it now, just waiting it out
Sometimes it takes longer, sometimes the doubt is stronger
Nothing, really, that you've brought on
You'd know it if i showed you
Because you do it too

Nagging untrustworthy thoughts that come to you

You might wanna talk, if you do I will listen
And tell you what's real
or officious cognition
Might add to my burdens, i don't care
if it's hurtin'
If none of it's true, then there's nothing we're learnin'
I'll work it all out
And get rid of this doubt
Without forcing you to see the man behind the curtain

I've been here so much and I know how it works
It passes
And acknowledging it just makes it worse
Coerced into talking compromises my temperance
Your fortitude, will be all that's between a rock and a remanent

If it's working for you,
Then you don't need to worry about it

Lament, in a bubble. A ghost at sea
  Memories, entombed, as specters

    The portrait of your apology,
       This scene, now your Legacy
          Whispering under waves Forever:

"Remember me"

Used to be in awe of the sky.
Laying out between it and the ground.
Never regarding that “up” i must find,
While most of it is obscured.
When i try to look down.

It’s there, but hidden,
by the ground.

And it’s not as if it cant be seen if you wait,
Six months pass,
Then seven,
Then Eight,

Nine and Ten, and before i realize,
The stars return how they previously aligned.
A missed opportunity, another year gone by

   But something must give, I’ll sit and wait.
On the beach, in a tree
And see what i seek

But forget where i am.
“Come on grandpa, its time to go in.
Tomorrow you can sit on the back porch again.”