Empire: Poems

35 · Jan 2020

Empire Jan 2020

Give me something to indulge in
I’m tired of feeling grey
I want to feel truly, properly alive
Let me eat until I can’t stand it
Drink until I can’t stand at all
Pleasure me not by my own hand
Surround me in comfort
Delight me
Would someone please kiss me?
Just give me one good reason
Just something to hold on to

What the hell am I supposed to do without even the hope of anything that might make me feel alive??
Probably gonna have to sedate myself again...

35 · Jan 2020

Future

Empire Jan 2020

Future

I’m starting to see it
My future unfolding in front of me
It’s not what they wanted
But it’s exactly what I expected
I’ll be a little broken
I’ll ***** myself over
I’m done being “perfect”
Or whatever the **** that was
Cause I’m a wreck
I was raised poorly
And I’ve lost my desire
To do any better for myself

35 · Jan 2020

Home

Empire Jan 2020

Home

I don’t want to go home
It’s... it’s supposed to be safe there!
I should want to see my family
Well. I don’t.
They’ve hurt me
They’ve used me
They’ve twisted me
Over and over and over again
So I don’t want to go home
It’s too good here
I’m too free
I’m actually happy
I actually have a will to live
So naturally
This must cease.

Falling into love now with falling apart
-Falling In Reverse

35 · Jan 2020

Heavy Fog

Empire Jan 2020

Heavy Fog

I’m not lazy, I swear
I want to do this
I need to do this
Desperately, it hurts me
That I can’t get myself out of bed
I really really want to be okay
But I’m not
I can’t do this.

There’s a weight on my chest
Pressing down on me
Suffocating me
I can’t move

There’s a thick grey fog in my mind
I can’t think through it
I can’t talk myself out of it
There is no escape

#depression

34 · Jan 2020

Untitled

Empire Jan 2020

Untitled

Hey, would you just **** me?
Cause I don’t... I don’t actually wanna be alive

33 · Jan 2020

The Pills Will Hold Me

Empire Jan 2020

The Pills Will Hold Me

The pills will hold me
Though no one else will
Through the night
They comfort me
Console me
So softly they lull me to sleep
Remind me I’m alright
Yeah... at least the pills
They care for me
Because there isn’t anyone around to

31 · Feb 2020

Untitled

Empire Feb 2020

Untitled

hey

I’m not supposed to cut myself

would you do it for me?

then the voice of someone once close whispers to me, “but where is your valour?”

30 · Jan 2020

Untitled

Empire Jan 2020

Untitled

What the hell
Why do I still want it
Why am I craving that
Why am I ignoring you
I’m so sorry
What the hell is wrong with me...

26 · Jan 2020

why

Empire Jan 2020

why

What’s the difference
If my wrist is intact
Or bleeding?
Does it even matter?
It’s not like anyone notices anyway
I can’t remember why I’m fighting
It’s sure as hell not for myself

23 · Jan 2020

Monster

Empire Jan 2020

Monster

I couldn’t control
The monster inside myself
I let it consume me
And it turned on you
So I screamed at you to run
But you stayed as long as you could
And I wounded you
Again and again
Until you finally had the good sense
To abandon me

I’m so sorry for what I’ve done... I hate that you had to leave, but I’m glad you’re safe from me.

— The End —