Trigger warning: Suicide


What’s it like
To want to live?
To fall asleep with a desire to wake?

How do you look forward to things
When everything is wrong
And excitement
Only brings disappointment?

I can’t remember
Days I wanted to be alive

I can’t find anything worth living for
I can feel it in my body
The aching everywhere
Crying out in existential agony
Because I don’t want to be here
And it knows that
My heart and body know it
But I can’t... I can’t quite do it

So I just... I wonder about people
What keeps them all alive?

They have something I do not

But I fear it’s something I cannot have

It's all wrong
It all keeps going wrong
When was the last time
I cared
I enjoyed
I smiled
I laughed
I felt something
I felt alive
?

I can take something going wrong
Bandage the wounds and carry on
Then another blow
Knocks me off balance
But I get back up

But when I'm enduring
blow after blow after blow
wound after wound after wound
disappointment
betrayal
loss
isolation
loneliness
inadequac­y

I CAN'T TAKE IT ALL

I cannot withstand perpetual suffering
I can't ******* do it
I can't remember why I'm alive
I feel dead
cold
numb
empty

AND

I

JUST

WANT

TO

END

IT

ALL

I’m hardly tired
But I just wanna sleep
Took the the pills so early...
In desperation
In the hope
That they’ll show me mercy
And lull me into slumber
To save me from myself

trigger warning: suicide


I’m losing my mind
And I can ******* feel it
Darkness
Emptiness
Craziness
Insanity
It’s setting in
It’s settling in
Fast.
I won’t be able to fight it
Not this time
I’m getting closer
I’m losing my grip
It’s getting real
And I might just do it
I might just take my life
I’m done with it
But I can’t
I can’t do it
I just... I just want to
I want to give up
I want to surrender

Trigger warning: Suicidal ideation, self harm


meaningless
worthless
stupid
******* futile existence!!!

Do everything precisely right
Get everything wrong anyway
So just give the **** up
Walk away
And now it's your fault
Because you didn't try hard enough
Never good enough
Never good enough


N̶̢̳͍̗̩̮͙͊ȩ̷̧̹̺̤̐̑́ṽ̷͚̟̭̰̟̈́e̵̤̥͕̜̘͙̹͐̅͂̑͋̚r̷̮͇̠̐͌͐ ̷̢̡̘͛ͅg̸̙̠̀͆̔͘o̴͈̽͋ō̴̺̺̈́̊͝d̴̛̮͍̥̔͋͒̉͌ ̶̡͉̫̯͉̥̹̈͗́͋͝e̵͚͎̊͒̏̇͘ń̴̡̩̪̭͖̹̤̇͘͘͝o̵̼̿̽û̵̙̀͒͂͑g̷̲͈̳̉̃͛̽͋h̷̽̿͘̕­͍̱̟͚͒̔͝


So you look for escape
They've all made it look so good
Oh... no not you... you can't have that yet
Never even ******* offered
Never any fun
Never any pleasure

NEVER ANY KIND OF REWARD

NOTHING TO SHOW

FOR ALL OF MY EFFORTS

so yeah

yeah, i've started giving up

yeah, i take a blade to my skin

yeah, i steal every sip i can get

yeah, i just want to be g̸̛̻̯̦̘̠͕͕̻̓͛̇͛̌̅̀̎͜͝ó̵̙̰̱̮̙͚̜̼̙̯̤̲͚̜͖̬̦̏̈̀͋̽̎̾̅̌͒̒̈́̈́͊̕̕͘̕n̵͖͗͛͝­̨̢̬̭̠͇͉e̶̡̮̥̜̮̖̝͕̠̩͑̒͆͒̊̑͆̈́͑̂͐̒̄͐̕̕͜͠͝͝


But what the hell do you expect
When you've treated me like trash
Used and abused me
Over and over again
Never there for me
Just there to take pride in me
Because that's what you all do
you take
and you take
and you take take take


Y̴̗̞̰̮̹̪͕̹̟̑̑̑̀͊̑͛̒̀͒O̸̧̧͉̟̬͕̟̠̞̠̟͕̩̿̎́̀̋̈̑̂̈́̇͒͊͒̌̏̃͘͝Ũ̸̐­̧̡̨̱͍͕̱̘̪̞̻͉̦̖͈͇̗͍̑̓̂́̽͌̾́̄̑̋̍ ̷͎̻͇͇̌̏̀̈́͒̍͆͋̐̊̊͜Ţ̷̧̡͉̗͍͓̺̖̦̙̫̺̰̝͎̏̈́̐͛̽̓̏̕͜͝͝͝A̵̾̐̉̓̏͊͛̇͆͆̋̎̈́̈́͗͝­̧̡̖͎̟̯͓̹̺͚̰̜K̷̛̳̇̍̎̾͋̌͊̕͝͝͝E̷̛̘͊̐̀̃̈́͒͛͗̽̄̽̊̇̒̕͝͝ ̸̛̭͎͋̌̃͋̂̈́̄͆̉̊̈́̐̽͠ͅF̸̤̜̯̟̠̞̞͙͓͕̙̤͖̗̮͌͛̋̆̑͑̏͘R̷̙̬̓̆̽̍̇̓̃͛̀͛̅͆̓͑̚͘ͅ­͉̼Ơ̴͇̫͔̩̭̘̯͍̜̺͍̇̌̾ͅḾ̵̧̢̛̜͍̼͙̻̙̝̈́̾̃̐̈̈́́̉́̈́̈̈̉̈́̕͜͝ ̴̫̳̭̥̘͖̯̖̜̟̣̦̥̃M̸̧̡͚̲̠̪̘̘̲̪͓̩͇̰̯̳̭̺͕͂̓Ě̵͍̫̜͔̥̈́͋̓́́̒̋͊̍̆̐̑͘



s̷­̡͖̓́̀͜ö̷̩̲̣́́͐͑͐ ̷̞͚̊̀̊ͅp̵͇̯̄l̷̯̹̀e̵̢̥̳̱̝͊̀a̵̰̲̹̩͠ş̴̅͛͋̕ę̵̥̳̻̾͊͗͑͌ ̴̢̆͝j̶̧̛͎̭͉̍͑̋͛u̴̩͔̗̺̇̔̍̂s̸͎͉̳͇̈́̈́͗ţ̶̰̼̰̌͋͘.̴̦̭̆̉̈́͝.̷̘͒̅̒.̶̟̇ ̵̗́͂͒̂j̴̭͙̖̍ủ̷͈̼̣̦s̶̡̨͔̲̆́̎̔͘ț̶̥̕.̸̺͓͍̭̥̉͌.̴̯̜̺͍̒̀̏͑̌.̷͚̖͉̓͂͜͠
­̴͖̗͖̞̮̓͒̽̎͝ǰ̸͖͔́̈́͝͝ǘ̶̘̈̌̍̕s̵̻̺̟̩̿͊t̴̞͎̙̳̟͐̾̈́ ̵͉̐l̶̟̹̦̰͕̅̎̿́ë̴̱͐a̸̡̦̠͍̓͂͆̈́̑v̴̧̦͎̥̣̎̓ę̷̢̯̜̝̔̓͠ ̶̩̲̤̑ͅm̴̥͖͒̅͝͠ë̶͖͈̰̥̞́̌ ̵̻͙̯̬̋̂̚t̸̨̟͙͚̹̓̀̌͗ő̷͓̙̜͈̕ ̴̰͚͠͠r̶̗̪̜̐͋͊̃ò̴̞͎̑͝t̴̼̙͆
̴̗̋l̸̙͈̜͕̃e̴̢̝̳̱͌a̶̧̼̻̩̞̓͗̉v̷͎̈́͊͋̋̓e̶̊­̡̗̞̘́ ̶͖͌͂m̸̩̲̿̓è̷̡̞͖̠̓͗̅͝ ̸̲̖̝͉̎̅̚̚t̶̰͇̟̑͛͊õ̸̞͈̭̲͕ ̶̳̟͚͐b̸̡͖͊̎͑l̴̡̦͇̪̅̽͘e̷͙̥̓̈̃͘e̵̢̗͉͇̗͋d̸͕̘̃͑
̸̱͔̎̐̽͆ļ̸̿̈́é̷̢̛̱̤̒t­̶̺̲̞̒͂ͅ ̵̖̖̘́͆m̶̨̢̯̝̀̃̎̊͠e̵̘̹̽͌͛ ̶̱͒̈̅ẁ̴̲̽ā̶̧̱͎̱͈̽͠ẗ̵̬̙́c̶͉̰̗̠͌͐̈́͘͜ḧ̷̙́ ̷̢̜̗̪̏m̴̭͇̬̜̓̔̾͜y̶̧͠ ̸̰̗͖̈́̌́͑͋b̷̨̖̻̦̥̅̈́̎̔͛l̷͎͌̑͐̒͘õ̵̦͓o̴̧̯̩͓̓̿d̶̟̥̆̈́̈́̑̉ ̵̢̛͍͚͂͠s̶̢͉̞̮̻͒̉̿͠p̶̤͘i̷͓̓͑̓̃̎ľ̶̺̫̱͈̱l̴̜̈́
̷̩̜̹͎̲̃͌i̴̤͓̱͂̃'̵̻͎̺͊l­̸̧̠͌͒̚ĺ̷̡͙͕͝͠ ̵̦͉̯̾̎̔͊̑g̵̢̰̩̍o̸̤̟̔ ̶̘͓̤̊̓̍̈́̽d̵͔̼̆i̷̯̬͓̞̹͐z̴̨̰̋̋z̴͚̋y̵͍͕͚̦̚
̵̹̼̳͕͛̔̆̅̃ͅa̸̖̹̪̿ň̴̮͙͆̂̈­͕̠̼d̷̲͋ ̴̘̌̑̌̌͝t̸̼̋̚͠͝ͅh̶̠̍ȅ̷͕́̈͠n̶͚̙͔̩͙͋̈͝.̸̧̭̿̉̌̈́͝.̶̠̈́̿̅̈́.̵̱̥̇ ̴̡̙̖̈a̶̬̹͕̱͋ń̷̼̥̲͆̂͂̃ͅd̸̻̭͐̔̑̈ ̷̳̝̭͚͐͆ͅt̸̘̮͍̣͔͂͆̑̚h̶̜̞̱̪̻̉͂̌́ë̵͎̫͉͚̰́̅n̵̢̞̈̐̽̋͝ ̸̙̣̣̲̹̕w̷̖͙͇̄h̵̢̨̟̼̽e̶̝̒n̷͓̥͊̋ͅ ̴̞̭̳̚i̸̭͗̐̎ť̵̼͆͆̒'̸̨̞̃͝s̸̱̉͜ ̵̞̲͗̾́͗ọ̵̫̥̅̇̀̌̈́v̷̱͝ĕ̴̖̈r̷̳̤̦̗͘̕



sleep.

what the hell
are you supposed to do
when living
makes you want to die

?

Trigger warning: Suicidal thoughts/ideation


I want it
I do
I want to die
I want to be dead
I am done living
Living has only brought me pain
Only offered me sorrow
To **** me would be to show mercy
Euthanize the suffering
I w̴̳̆ant ̴͕͝t̵͇́o̶̥͋ diē̸̩
I'm̷̩͆ ̸̪̈ṛ̸͆eaḋ̸̪y to̷̲̓ ̵̘͠d̷͉͑ie
̷̬̚Ì̴̧ can̷̖͘'̷̬̅t̶̳͘ ̵͙͑die

I̵͎̪̤̐͝ ̶͇̜̖͂̃ẁ̵̳͓̘̾a̷̗̩̤̥̿n̶̖͝ͅṱ̶̾̒͗͆ ̶̢͔͇͑̐̓͗t̷̟̘̲͌̍͝o̵̯̊͗ ̸̨̨̃d̴̙̥͚̅̓͛͆͜i̷̘̬͍͍̐ȇ̸͎

̷̛̰̦̝̩̑̐Ỉ̵͔̼̝'̶͎̬̀m̴̠̓͆ ̷̼̀r̴̦̖͕̦̊̏̐̾ẹ̵̢̙̭̓a̵̹̤̎̉͑d̷͉̓̎͜ͅy̷̛̲͍̔͛͐ ̵̡̰̯̉t̵̳̓ȯ̸̮͍͜ ̷̙̘̎d̴̹̝̘̄̌́̈́ȋ̵̞͔̉̑ͅě̸̡͈̞

̴̞͉̹̓̇I̴̤̙̪͓̊̂ ̴̜͍̣̌͘c̸͕̋̍́á̷̬̝̽́͊n̸̨͛̚͘'̵̡̦̙̏t̸̛̺͔̓͗ ̴̱̖͈̌͒d̴̗̃̐͘i̵̯̋̔̑̃ë̴̦̳̯̲́



I̷͇̥̲̮̔̋̋́̃̅̑̐͠ ̷͙̫͈̜̬͓͛́̋͌́̎́ͅͅw̴̧̛̞͈͓̱̠͈̙̲͉̥̱̱͎̐̒̅̈̌͐͑̓̇͗͆̚̕͜͜͜͠͝͠͠ͅa̶̋͑͐͛͑͗͂̕͝­̢̪͈͚̻̦̳̤̭̰̫̬̤͇̲̚ͅͅn̷̛̻̲̹̙̖̻̋̅̊͋̈͑̐̀̂̏́̈́̒̄̓̂̽̈́̃̆͜͝͝t̸̋̔̐̀̓̎̽̃̋̇̓͘͘­͍̘̰̦͕̥̹̹͚̳͔͖̫̠͉̱͇̗̪͇ͅ ̷̤̭̞̮̗̤̱͓̟̙̲̾̀͜ͅť̷̨̛͓͓͈͓̫͔̝̳̱̘̱̘̲̙̖̪́̀̒͗̈̀̈̎͑͜͜͝o̶̧͉̱̤͌̇̆̏̂̒̋͒̍̈́­̡̡̺͈͎̭̠̤̩̰̞̩̣̩̪̠̺ ̷͉̪̀̊́́̅̃͋̕̚͘d̴̢̖͖̲̭̹̪͎̥̼̜̼͍̝͍̤̩̞̹̈̈́̈́͌͜ͅį̶̡̢̻͉̰̙̙͚̹͍̝̮̭̑͊̎͝e̸̛͌͘­̡̨̼̖͉̫̣̣͍̭̺̬̳̍̓̚͜͜͜
̴̪͍̞̖̖̼͕̳̘͔͍͖̓͒̋̇̀̐̉̒͑̒̌̓͋̈́̂ͅ
̴͑̎̅̈̊͊͌̐͗̈́̓͛̃͝­̧̧̧̡̡͈̭͎̘͙̥͚̮̗̤͙̫
̶̡̧̨̨̨̛̫̝͎̖͎̞͔͔͈͈̥̭̦̖̪͈͐̎̆̎͊̑̄̓͐͘Ḯ̶̛̈́͐̀̀̒̔͒͋͘̚­̧̡̛͍̯̹͔͎̖̞̭̦̖͑̌͂͜'̵̡̛̱̜̰̳̭̯̱̞̤̥͉̱͓̣͈͚̟̱͚̖͙̿͋̇̎͗̃̀̄̀͐̅͘ḿ̶̯͚̬̉̂̀̽̕­̡͕͉̜̟̘̱̙̝͍̼̭̞̻̣̝ ̵̡̢͈͎͈͖̯̗̜̰͖̲͈̬͚̮̈́̈́̑́̚ͅr̵̟̥̥̭̖̯̰͔̯̞͖̺̗͉̬̖̪̹͚̔̆͂̈́̇̀̕͘͜͝e̸̽̇͂̂̈͒̄͘­̙͓͔͕̬̙͖̈́̔̏͛́͆́͗̃̽̆̾͆͋̕a̵̧̨̢̧̮͖̙͓̝̟͓̗̥͈̰͊͂͌͊̄̂̎̓̎̈́͂̈́̾ͅͅd̶̔̈̍̉͛̏̈́̆­̢̨̖͙̦͕̲͈̰̯͕͎̬̼̑̐̄̐̽́͊̄̾͑͌̕̕ÿ̵̧̡̛̛̩̭̱̖͈̖͎́͌̑́͗̈́͗̀̀̊̚ ̴̡̻̺̹͆͂͗̇̐͌t̶̢͚̣̓̅́̎̉̽̇͌͗̊̾̾̊͌̑͌͘͠͝ṓ̷̢̳̋͂̇͘͝ ̷̔͊̾̉̐̅̋́ͅd̴̡͉̫̺͔̹̜̘̝̻̳͖̙͗͋̈̀̇͑͆͂̀̐̊̽͊̎̑̈̃͆͘̕͜͜͠i̴̛̙̗̍̐̍́͒̔̈́e̶͋̀́­̛̖̱̯̪͌͠
̶̛̫̼̰̟̳̻̦̱͈̯̃̔̀͂͒͑͊͒̆̃͐̿͒͝͝ͅͅ
̵̢̹̘̱̖̩̈́̈́͆̽́̑̏͑̑̓̽̆̀̈́̅͆̓́͝͝­̨̨͔̳̦̦͓̭̤̭̹̗͎͍̬̻͜
̴̼̦̆̓͗͒Ī̶̧͙̰̘̘͙̺̺͖̦̫͍͕̲͖̺̣̱͔̖̍͌̀͛̕͘͝ͅ ̷̛̠̤̻͔̰̠̣͈̹͈͔̟̮̉͌̉̚͘c̴̢̡̛̜̹̺̻̪̠̯͗͗̑̇̍̄͋́̌̈̍̑͒͑͘ȃ̵̛̟͇̜̻̇́͊̑͌͊̋͛̄͆­̲͚̘͎̱̮̦̘͜ͅn̵̤̻̩̯̝̈̅͒͒̈́̒͒͐̽̏̓͌͐̄̈́̕̚͘̚͠͝'̴̩̥̝̘͓͚͇͓̖̊̓̀̀̂̍͂̀́͛̐̈́̕͠͝ͅ­͖̳̺̳̥͉̖̩͜t̷̢̨̡͈͚̘͈̣͖͈̤̟͎̤̙̩̩͕͙͈̳̍̓͐͗̍̓̄̾͗͒̎̿̈̈́͘̚ ̴̛̜͉̜̀͂̊̀̾̿͂͌̒̋̿̀̈́̽ḑ̴̜̻͓͕̱̲̟͔̰̜̣̺̠͎̰̗̥̞͍̭̻̯̉̑͋̍̓̅͛͛̽̓͂̄́̓͊͗̉͛͘i̴­̧̹̱̪̤͍͖̱͈͈͔͙̝̟̤͒̀̏̄̽͋̓̔̑̌̃̐͘̕͝ẽ̶̢̜̤̲̣̮̜̱͓̹̮͋̇́̀́͆̂̈́̊̋͋̈̅̈́̀͒̔̈͝͠ͅ­͕͖͇̗

It's all slipping
Everything is getting worse
Worse..... and worse....
The cuts are getting deeper
The scars are staying longer
The thoughts are growing louder
Everything is falling apart
I thought... I thought I could do it
I thought I could hold myself together
But the strain... it's wearing on me
The fatigue is making me weak
I've begun slipping...
All the pieces of my life
Falling from my grasp
In a violent cascade
I don't even want to try anymore
I just want to let them crash to the ground
Shatter like glass
As they slip from my fingertips

Then and only then
Will I be able to finally surrender
When I hear the darkness calling my name
Drawing me to the edge of the chasm
And maybe
If I'm very lucky
I'll slip

Trigger warning: Self harm, cutting


How could it be that the blood on my wrist
Brings peace to my troubled mind
Forces a sharp focus
Evens my frantic breath
It's what I needed
I needed this
I needed these slits

I can't bring myself to concentrate
Sit in class and find myself somewhere else
I'm either depressed or anxious
It's always crippling
Meds just make it all worse
Consequences are getting closer
They're going to call me lazy
They'll tell me it's my fault
I'll believe them
But I'm not capable of more
I'm not stable
I can't function
I can't do all this
It's too much
I can feel the panic
It'll come tonight for certain
I'm not stable
I'm not okay
I'm falling
Drowning
Fading
Dying

I didn't mean to fall in love
Especially with you
Not like this
I can't have you
You'll never be mine
It was too good to be true
You were everything I wanted
You could've been what I needed
I wanted you with me
I wanted you forever
But it could never be
So instead we circle around
Landing blows
Our hearts aching
My world crashing down around me
And all I wanted...
I just wanted to be with you
But it can't be
So I cry and I scream
Writhing in the agony
Of falling in love
With the man
That I can't have

Trigger warning: Suicidal thoughts/ideation


It's ******* me off
Steady, rhythmic
Continuous.
I want it to



F̷̘͇̖̟̟͔͍̜̍͛͑̔̿͗̅͌̅͒̇̚̚ͅȖ̷͚̮̹̪̮͎̻͖͉̖̘̖͔̭̬̹̪̍̅ͅͅC̶͋͒͆̀̍͛͌­̡̧̨̣͉͔̤͉͇̺̠̖̞͖̖͚̇̌̈́̿͑͠K̸̹̹̳̠͉̝̭̭̣̤̤̩̜̈́̈́̏́̽͆̋̆͋͋͐͛̓̆̾̈͜͜͝͝͝I̶̔̅́͠͠­͚͇̠̞̤̹̻̮͍͖͚̱̌̎̾̆̂͊͊̊̄̍͑̍̀͑̈́͘͠N̸̨̨̨͓̣͎̩͙̥̦̐͑̚G̸͙͕̳̥̹̹͍̒͂́̏̈̈́̎̊̃͝͠ͅ­̤̲ ̸̛̹͚̫͆̄̏̅͌̄̎̔̀Ş̸̡̬̼̘͉̦̹̙̉̿͌̍̌͋̓̓̍͑̂̂́̕̚Ṭ̷̨̧͖̗̳͔̮͐̉̍̽̈́͗͂̈́̒̍̊́͘͝͝­Ǫ̵̧̧̨̨̫̰̼̼̲̹̙̻̣̹̭͎͕̞̪̼͑͛̄̽̒̓̃̀̄̎̈́̂̄̾̕͠ͅP̸̱͓̦̰̥̙̗̂̿̾̄̾̀͋̈́́̔͜


­
I'm tired of this
ALL OF IT!!!

None of you want me
None you desire me
None of you!
You don't care for me
You don't care about me
You don't take care of me

YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT YOURSELVES
You care when it makes you look good
You care when it's convenient
But I'm falling
It's dark here
I can feel it in my heart
As it grows colder
...colder...


Ŷ̸̧̡̡͉̥͉̲̲̝͉̟̝̟̤͒́͑̍̄͗͊͛́͗̆̿͠O̶̱̜̭̜̪͈̮̩̯̓͝­͚͓͓̣̦̞Ư̴̟̇̈́̓͊̒͘͝
YOU ALL
YOU'RE SO BUSY
SO WRAPPED UP IN YOURSELVES

YOU CAN'T EVEN ******* SEE


Ḯ̷̛̼̦͋̈́̀̈́̀̓̋͒́̔͌̐͝͠
̵̡̡͕͕͇̥̗̪̭͎̄̅̕
̵̛̝̪̝̙̙̟̹̃̽̑́͑͝ͅA̷͌͝­̢̢͈̜̪̣̪̘̻̖̣͍̪̮̰̬͙̘̪̠̟͆̒̾̃̽̂̐̕͝͝ͅͅM̶̨̡̡̢̛̘̯̞̜̘̼̳̦̭͍̬̪͖̖̯̜̜͍̻̬̙͉̓̃̊­̰ͅ
̵̨͎̫͍͈̗̤͇̻̫̠̖͈͉͈̥̜͆̓̈́͜
̷͉̘͊̈̿̉̐̇͒̈́̌̃̉̅͂͗̾̚͠͝D̵̿̑͗̄͌̇̑͊̿̈́̆͘̚̕̚͘­̲͈̮͉̞̖͖̰͓͇͓̣̙̙̖͔͕Y̴̡̩͉̘̦͔̩͈̤͂͠I̷̢̳͓͇͈̯̼͔̰̲͕̲̠̜̩̾̇̽̂̌͛́̈́̿̐̾̋̑̀͌̌̕­̡̡̢̝̮̙͔̭̠̰͇͔̹͔̖ͅN̷̛̛̰̙̪̥̯̻̦̘̰͖̫͒͋̅̈́͂̃̇̂̎̑̀͛͂̓̔̀̀̏̀̓͗̏̃̏̍̂̈́͘̚͘͜͝G̷­̨̛̞͍̥̤̬̘̲̹̘̻͉̟͐͒̾̎̎̀̐͒͆̒͂̋͆̑̉͘͝͝




and i've come to hate my heartbeat
because it's this constant ******* reminder
that i have to keep ******* living
breathing
though i've no desire to do so
i don't want it
i don't want to keep going
I'M WEARY
just leave me to ******* die