He had a love that lasted years
I have had nothing
Even remotely close
Only what is fleeting
Rough lips and selfish tongues
Greedy hands and reckless touch
The only love I have ever known
Left without warning
I have never known love to be forgiving
Or patient and kind
That kind of love
Is not one I am familar with

I am well aware
That he is not here to love me
He is here to worship this body
That most days,
Doesn't even feel like my own
Most days
My skin is a jacket
That stretches over fragile bone
I only wear it because I have to
Because this world pokes and prods with sharpness
And there are only so many times someone can break completely
These tattoos
Are just a shield for vulnerability
Piercings,
Nothing more than metaphor for puncture
There are so many wounds still awaiting healing

And although this body
Hasn't been fully occupied by its tenant in years
I will let him spend a night in it
Let him believe that it is nothing beyond ordinary
I will let him carve his name into the arch of my back
Fingernails to flesh
Palms to ribcage
And for one night
He will make believe love to me
We will make believe intimacy
Make believe that lust is something
That can only be felt more than just momentarily
We will pretend that our affection is warranted
And be unbound

In the morning
He will wash my name from his mouth
Swallow it entirely
And forget he ever tasted it
Tomorrow
He will wipe my DNA from his skin
Rinse off every last trace of my lips
And I will do the same
There is no reason
That I should be something he comes back to
There is no reason for me to draw myself indelible
When all I will ever be
Is a lone evening of desire

Nobody wants to get to know the girl
Who barely knows herself
Nobody will ever remember the girl
Who forgets who she is every time she gives herself away
This is a girl
Who calls herself woman
But still cries in the dark

And someone
Who knows love as well as he does
Will never want someone
Who doesn't even know
What love is
Someone like that
Is better suited
For one night.

I remember
The way I was taught symmetry

Butterflies.

The pattern of their wings,
I was told,
Is a perfect example
Of consistency
Each wing
Will always match the other

I once saw a butterfly
With a missing wing
Unable to do
What butterflies are supposed to do

Fly.

In other words
Useless

My wings
Are not always even
Does that mean
That I too,
Am useless
Or am I still
Worth existing?

Not everything good in life
Is balanced
Or congruent
We are not geometry
We are living

The most perfect things
Are the ones
That don't match up
Perfectly.

I'm in love with someone's daughter
living in the shards of a broken home
Cutting herself on two year-old letters
These are moments she can't fake;
reasons to feel alone
So used to abuse, her tears start to shake
I hold her close as her head starts to ache
"I love you too much,
so I can't let your heart break."
She said, "I know you love me,
but you've made a mistake."

I never meant for anyone to be my pulse.
I promise not to step on your feet
if you teach me how to waltz.

Forgot the man who said
He used to hide in the TV shelf's cabinet
Out of anxiety and sadness
Hidden from everyone
But haunted by demons
He could not escape

Remember the one who bikes at full-speed
Strong legs, taking himself places
On adventurous journeys
To the neighboring destinations

Remember uncovering the eyes of the girl you love
To show her an expression of your ardor
In full bloom.

I want to love someone like you
Someone articulate
In expressing compatibility
Someone free-spirited and sturdy
I want the you I remember

The you that remains is one I forgot
The sadness that desperately clings to
The joy that nervously trembles on the steeple

I know there is more to be remembered
And less to forget

The story I remember is spray-painted
On a construction site spelling out:

L-O-V-E


It is music playing in a nearby house
Two love-struck teenagers
Dancing under lamposts
Imagining moonlight

The you that remains
Is you with your puppies
And just loving the runt
"Maybe", I think now,
"He's the runt and the runt is him"

I was loved by a boy whose dreams were boundless
He dreamed and hoped like any boy should
He made me believe in anything
Even in him
I'd love him back if I could.

I am the questions and he was the answers
I am the hopeless and he was the romantic
He would insist
That the differences only complimented the similarities

I'm not sure what of, but he was sure he was to be a King
Of the Sun
Of the World
Of these lands
Of my heart.

We were 17 in age
65 in soul
5 years old in our pleasures
We would poke fun at people
Name the stars silly
Lying on the grass
As we discussed anything and everything
And forget it all the next day
Our minds were ripe
Hands, empty and open
We were rich in foolishness and laughter

They refuse to believe

They would insist
"A young heart knows no love"
"A young mind knows no truth"
"A young soul knows no emptiness"

I once loved a boy whose dreams were boundless
He dreamed and hoped like any boy should
But he became a man not King

A King reigns triumphant
Remembered throughout libraries
A Man toils for naught
Slaves away, dies forgotten.

There was once a boy who had dreams
Though he sought the pain of mortality
To abandon a Kingdom
Rich with beauty

Why?
This heart will never know

i want to dye
my hair and tattoo my skin
so that the changes
you’ve been noticing in me
look like they’re
on purpose.

In just one moment
We exchanged a glance
My words stolen, by her
striking beauty, I was struck
left stuttering with a mind
put-puttering and a heart
flut-fluttering

There is magic in her eyes
filled with love,
effervescing skies
of scintillating stars

There is mystery in the heart
of her, like an infinitely
blossoming flower