i've been alive seventeen years
and I am just now scratching the surface
of living.

as day became night
as night became darkness
as darkness became me

I asked death for a kiss
                   and became captivated in her lust.

I am not yours to fix.
As broken as I am.
As tired as I may be.
As many flaws as I have.

I'm not yours to fix.

My flaws make me who I am.
Without them, I'd just be a mannequin.
Mannequins are pretty.
I'm real.

And I'm not yours to fix.

Slumped shoulders, a spine wire hanger
holding a jacket up. Taut sleeves, out-
turned pockets, warped collar,
and a gap-toothed zipper.

Elastic wrists plunged into shallow
pants pockets, tight like shoelaces
before the midnight untying.
Rose-gold hamper slid

beneath the box spring, dragging
cereal pieces to a fine dust
then dissipating with
the morning ritual

bed spread, bed sheet tearing from
a sweaty body to the tune
of a near-siren on the desk.
Leg swing and saunter

to cold tiles like broken glass. Clockwise
turn the shower dial, act clean, turn
it back. Fingers swipe 'cross
the medicine cabinet,

leaving droplets to race to the white wood
frame. Bridge thresholds past the fan-
diced ice air hallway to the closet.
Creep the door closed behind,

pull drawers to the end of their tracks,
find pants. Unhook jacket from bed
post, throw it on one sleeve
at a time, and plunge

elastic wrists into the shallow pockets
and leave.

my latte is sweet
daydreaming of days long gone
with memories of mom

She sat at the corner of my mind
Comfortably installing herself.

For when I find my lonely soul
with head and shoulders hanging low
wandering through the streets at night
I'll walk on by that scary sight.

My life is full of empty space
that I will not let go to waste.
And if I start to lost my way,
I'll find a way to fill the blanks.

With empty space there's room to grow
Don't be spooked by your own shadow.
When times are dark and things seem grim
just tell yourself "I won't give in."

I inject you into my arm
You run laps in my blood
Swimming for days in a lustful craze
Inside my brain you have your stay
Sleeping silently in the day
But at night come out to play
Invading my memories
Making it a thicket
Now you know everything that makes me wicked
Playing drums on my rib cage you sail to my heart
Leaving me aching, weary, and sickened
"Are you mine?" You whisper and beckon
"Forever and ever!" I answer
Unended