KEEPING THINGS WHOLE**

In a field
I am the absence
of field.
This is
always the case.
Wherever I am
I am what is missing.

When I walk
I part the air
and always
the air moves in
to fill the spaces
where my body's been.

We all have reasons
for moving.
I move
to keep things whole.

How many times must I ask*
For forgiveness for this sin
Just when I think I've conquered
It rears it's ugly head again

And with it comes the guilt, the shame
In my moment of despair
The vicious cycle starts again
A well traveled road that leads nowhere

My inner being knows what's right
And yet I do what's wrong
My spirit yearns to stand and fight
The flesh that holds me down

Without the power of the Cross
My life will not concede
Until I've finally had enough
There is no hope for me

So who will save this sinful man
When I have nothing else
Praise be to Christ, the Great I Am
*Who saves me from myself

I jumped from couch to couch, avoiding the floor that was lava.
The balloon soared and floated in the air, and it could not touch the ground.
Circus animal cookies and chocolate milk were there everyday.
When I was small, the world was big and magical.

My role models were Barney and Babar, Kermit and Elmo.
I wore pink leotards and frilly tutus and stretchy slippers and shiny, black tap shoes.
I’d look up at the sky to see that fluffy white clouds were bunnies, hippos and butterflies.
When I was small, nothing was impossible.

Parks were kingdoms and the jungle-gym was the castle.
My glittery costume gown and my plastic tiara meant I was a real princess,
Peter Pan would come take me away, to live in Neverland.
When I was small, I was immortal.

Dear you,
I’ve found you,
But what do I do?

Dear you,
I love it when I have you,
But people are noticing.

Dear you,
I need you,
But I don’t think I should.

Dear you,
I keep trying to stop,
But I cant.

Dear you,
I love the thought of you,
But something isn’t right.

Dear you,
I keep coming back,
But I have to stop.

Dear you,
I’ve gone back and forth with this,
But I’m done.

Dear you,
Goodbye.

Dear you,

Because we want to fit in--
tough to sleep.
Because we want to experiment--
eyes glassy and bloodshot.
Because we want to escape--
heart racing
Because we want to relax--
losing weight.
Because we want to rebel--
can't sleep
Because it feels good--
giving up friends, giving up family
Because we're anxious, angry and alone without it--
car crashed, fell, burned, drowned.
Because we crave it--
withdrawals.
Because we can't stop--