Elli - Hello Poetry

Elli Apr 2014

2 weeks without these thoughts
i really thought i was getting better

but alas, it's just the calm weather
before the storm

blood on the paper
lines on my skin

drown me in this sea of red
let it drown my thoughts
let me feel the pain
to make sure that i am alive

gross sobbing
through the night

it won't disturb
your peaceful sleep

oh heavens, i hope to feel
this peaceful feeling
only the dead knows

drown me in this sea of red
let it balance the pain of my heart

drown me
suffocate me

my heart cannot take it anymore

#depressed

Elli Apr 2014

is this love at all? (10w)

you said you love me,
but not my dark side.

Elli Apr 2014

another person's soles

do not wonder why
she won't let you in
she's broken
can't you see?

at the end of the day
after everyone walks away
it is her alone who picks up the pieces

and those pieces gets stepped on,
stuck on a person's soles who will
never even bother to give it back

so everyday she lose herself
slowly
person by person
word per word
goodbyes after goodbyes

so i'm sorry
she says
because she is not the person
you loved a month ago

no, she's different
lost all her pieces
stuck on a person's sole

no, you cannot go in
because the house is broken now
you cannot make a home to her
she will never give you warm

and you ask yourself
why am i even here?
then you get up and take your leave

your warmth will be there,
but you are not
you took a piece of her
what a fool she has become

oh foolish, foolish little girl!
you have nothing to give
but still offered a home

and where's that piece you've been looking for?

it's stuck on another person's sole
never to be given back

still editing.

#alone

Elli Apr 2014

My Darling Amelia

Amelia can you hear
the calling of my heart?

Amelia can you see
the tears on my eyes
as I hide it through the smiles?

Amelia can you feel
the scars on my skin
inflicted by the people
I loved the most?

Amelia can you smell
the decayed and withered body
of mine

Amelia, oh my darling Amelia
can you pick up the pieces
of my broken heart?

Did you hear it shatter across the floor
the moment he said goodbye?

Did you see the way he stepped on it
The way he steps on his cigarette?

My darling Amelia
so innocent
fragile
save yourself
from all the pain

and i tell you this
because i couldn't save myself

learn from my mistakes
my darling Amelia

Amelia is my younger self. if that makes any sense at all.

#heartbreak #pain

Elli Apr 2014

Untitled

I use my head
before I use my heart
but in so many ways
you are smarter than me

It keeps me breathing
knowing that you're by my side
but the thought of us falling apart
makes me dread of the future

do you believe in destiny?
is this what you call fate?
will you believe me when I say i do?

my darling, I hope your dreams
are as sweet as mine

Sometimes I catch myself smiling
and realize it is you that I'm thinking

and I always ask why me?
because you could've fallen for anyone
who is infinitely better than me

In so many ways,
I've wondered what you goes through your mind
do you think of me as often as I do?

I just hope that this last
this whimsical love of mine

I know it's a bit inconsistent, but in a way it represents my state of mind. (still being edited)

#love

Elli Apr 2014

anxiety attack

I stare at the crowd
rapid breath intakes
sweaty palms
I can't do this

I look back at her
telling her I can't do it
don't overreact
she says

my heartbeat is deafening
faster
faster
as if it wants to escape

I can do this
I think
but i know I can't

I'll fail
fail
f a i l

I feel nauseous
why am i so stupid
all I have to do is go there
just walk
**** it
why am i afraid?

I can do this,
I convince myself again
but my heart and sweaty palms
told me otherwise

I look back to her again
with my pleading eyes
on the verge of crying

it's so simple
how can you fail,
everyone else can do it
she says

simple for her,
but I am not her
nor everyone else

why are you forcing me?

i bite my lip,
so hard that it's bleeding

I stammer
but- I - can't-do- it

why can't you understand?

this happened to me today. I have fear of speaking in public, and such, but my mom thinks i'm just overreacting.

#anxiety

Apr 2014

Zaynub

12 hours

it was 9 pm
I opted to go to sleep.
you asked, “why?”

honey,
what good is it
to be awake
at time where
I’d like nothing more
than to die?

it was 9 am.
I stayed in bed.
you asked “why?”

darling,
why hurry
to be somewhere
you’re not wanted?

it was the weekend.
I remained in bed.
you asked “why?”

sweetie,
i’ve had enough.
i just need some rest.

i never woke up after that.

you stopped asking why.

#suicide #sad #depression #depressed #time #suicidal