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Ellie Geneve Nov 2016
I want to tell you
about the familiar cologne
I smell on your collarbones

I think I've worn it before
Some time in the past
when I thought scents
would last...
and they did

Maybe the corner of your eyes
do not look like mine
but I swear
I see myself in your pupils
and feel myself in your iris

The delicate firmness
you hold yourself in
like a collapsed skyscraper
like a simplified complexity

I have worn it before

Maybe I met you before

Maybe I love you

Maybe
I'm just in love
with what reminds me
of myself

Maybe
I'm just in love
with myself

Is something wrong with that?
Ellie Geneve Oct 2016
I sometimes speak
words I don't comprehend,
throw the names
into the wind as
tears
make their way
into my eyes

I remind myself
of the phrases
I keep holding on to

and the fears
start creeping in
I swallow them
with my saliva
only after then,
in my intestines,
they'd be reabsorbed
into my blood

they travel
through my arteries
and veins
and settle in my brain
control my heartbeat
and my nervous system
and I shiver
with self-doubt

On days
I want to stay in
I don't wash my hair
I never mind
how I look like
because I love my soul
and I love my body
and I love my face

But tell me why
I wash my hair when
I go out
tell me why,
when I do that,
my body screams
in uncertainty,
demanding to know
what my
plan
is

I don't have a plan
on most days,
I wallow in self-pity
and sleep amongst regrets
and I wake up happy

they tell me to never sleep
when I'm sad
but it soothes my soul

I want to be loved
but I assure you
I will reject love
when it comes
knocking in my door

I will recognize love
through the peep hole
put my fingers in my ears
and go to the other room
and when love
calls me
my body will shiver
because I don't know
what to do

I'm not used to love
I'm not used to being given attention
and wanting it is not the same
as seeking it

And wanting it,
never harmed anyone

Contradicting myself
is my biggest talent
and I sometimes
wonder
if I have ten brains
fused into one

Vulnerability
is my greatest treasure
and it will one day
eat me alive

I promise you,
I will learn from my mistakes


Being aware of the effect
is not the same
as causing it

and on days like this,
I blame my hormones,
I blame things I cannot control

so that I allow myself
moments
of weakness
This is my honest poem
Ellie Geneve Oct 2016
A jungle.
So beautiful,
but dangerous.
Wild,
but serene.
Ellie Geneve Oct 2016
1,
he used commas
even when the essay
was one sentence long
2,
he never liked labels
and his entire body shivered
as someone tried to describe him
in one
3,
he told me why
4,
a word will never
describe a person,
will never capture
the essence behind his smile
the word,
may try to surround him
like tree branches,
grow around him
but he is free to change
free to grow
and free to contradict,
he was never a label
5,
many days
he cried
and the tears
rushed down
his smiling face
6,
he would think of things
the world was oblivious of
make words
for thoughts
he was a floating cloud
a flying lantern
a wandering kite
7,
he was temporary
8,
people like him
cannot be enclosed
cannot be imprisoned,
routine is prison
9,
we were never a label
we never called ourselves
a couple
he once said
we were
ourselves together
and this
made me ecstatically
speechless
10,
he used commas,
never periods,
I guess
I always knew
he will be
running on.
Ellie Geneve Oct 2016
Don't waste your time.

For, If you don't understand my complexity
in a matter of seconds
you will not in ages.
Ellie Geneve Sep 2016
these painkillers
do nothing
about the chills
running down my spine
every few minutes

these painkillers
don't help
the pain my gut feels
as my heart jumps up
and down

these painkillers
never eased
this hollow pain
in the back
of my brain

these painkillers
don't help
and maybe

just maybe,

I don't want them to
Ellie Geneve Sep 2016
My arms wrap tight
around my waist

my toes clenched
muscles contracted

my hands in fists
throbbing wrists

I feel trapped
but I'm not claustrophobic

my arms wrap tighter
and my lungs cannot expand

this breath I need to take
is slipping from my hands

my arms
loosen
my lungs
expand

this breath
I take
is the sigh
I make

every
time
I think
of
you
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