And what did happen,
Mr. McLean?
What happened when the music died?
Did they sing "bye-bye"?
Or perhaps something more tragic took place.
Did they cry?
Did they, themselves, die?
Not a tear shed, not a sound made as she, with grace, spoke her parting words.

For what good is dancing if there be no rhythm?
For what good are instruments if they do not fulfill their purpose?
What will the birds do?
How can we define a beautiful noise, "like sound to my ears"?

I think it wise to overestimate the sanctity of those harmonies we cherish with such intensity.
Practically a religion, we tithe our money for its funding, we congregate to listen together, and we recite its verses akin to a scripture.
Forever remember the day it died, remember it as a fallen war victim, as a martyr.

Only dying for what it knew best,
For what it was, and for what it did in others

Honor her with silence, for singing is no more.
Remember that it died with pride,
Remember that, as it sang its final note, it echoed,

                                     "This'll be the day that I die"

When she comes out too early, is she hoping for attention?
She does not get it, nobody ever says "the moonrise is so beautiful this evening"
She is overpowered by her rival everyday. Every evening, every morning.

Sometimes she puts on makeup, an orange hue
An attention getter, these are the only nights we talk about her, create gossip of her rare beauty

There is a side we do not know, she holds mysteries the world may never discover
And her secrets, dark and alluring
Yet she attracts no visitors, the era of investigation dead and gone

Will she ever feel the love that her dear mother receives?

Does she cry when she is gone?

Would we even notice her absence?
She can't even look away from her ignorance, always facing her demising audience
If only people would pay more attention. Someday she may just disappear to gain revenge

And then what?

Living in a state of confusion
Is quite the same as a nightmare

Standing in a place misunderstood, that cannot be understood.
People that have no faces, faces that have no meaning
Buildings that cannot be remembered, memories wishing to be forgotten

A cloud that festers, growing and bulging like an ugly cyst



... I just wish I could understand again
Take the darkness away and reveal the lightness I once knew

Shall I go all life without you, wondering if I will be able to breath?
  The way you make things easier
    The way you make things optimistic
      The way you make things harmonious
        The way you make things happy is what makes my heart beat
Is what makes my brain function
  Is what keeps me alive...
Shall I go all life without you, wondering if I will be able to breath?

In every way, they are forgotten
And we under think their power, their purpose.
We seldom ponder what we would become without them,
And never stop to thank them for what they have done.


Mother,
     Thank you for taking my temperature via forehead
     For stirring my Mac and cheese
     For washing out my clothes' stains

Father,
     Thank you for changing my diapers
     For versing me in ping pong
     For writing down my painting's names when I could not spell

Lover,
     Thank you for rubbing my back
     For holding mine in yours
     For loving me tenderly

Friend,
     Thank you for braiding my hair
     For painting my nails
     For grabbing the tissues when need be


I presume mine becoming frail, old, and flimsy
What will we become in this aging process?
I doubt we will mature like fine wine or expensive cheese.
Ridden with disease and pain, we will fall to my sides. And no one will be thanking us anymore (not that anyone ever did), because we will be nothing.
Do nothing.
All the knowledge, will power, exercise will never change the **** outcome.

Someday we will stir our daughters Mac and cheese, or remove her stains from her shirts, and someday she will do the same for her daughter.
Yet this all must die someday,
There will come a time where I can no longer stir the boiling noodles on the stove,
No longer shred the brick of cheese from the fridge.

There's not a ****** thing to do but wait.

And I would give you wings
If I felt that you couldn't overcome these things
When you fall down I’ll pick you up
Yes I know that you have hurt, you’ve hurt enough
But you must get up, you must go on
For me, for me you’ve got to be strong*


Where are you,
Bird's tools of survival
Angel's way of transportation
Plane's means of flight

Of course, when needed the most you fail to appear.
And you promised
You promised to give me them,
Why would you lie?

It seems a folly
To think that there ever is a chance of healing
But why would I want wings anyways?
To carry me away from the pain? Only momentarily would it help.

I don't want to heal,
Completely anyways,
Don't want to fly away on my wings,
Because to heal would be to forget everything good about you...

Would be to forget everything good about *us

It never showed its face, never once gave me a sign of nearness

So why can I now touch it, taste it, understand the meaning of its appearance?

I question whether it's healthy, the fact that my mind has so quickly steered me toward this wall.
                           And the word wall does not give proper definition...
                           It's more of a path,
Where this path leads, I must answer in time.
Because time heals all wounds

She cries because it's raining
The makeup trickles down her irrational face,
And she wonders when the sun will come.
I tell her truthfully, when it's ready, though she rejects my input.
She is washing away down into the sewer with every breath,
The place she wants to belong,
With the only things that make sense to her: dead things.
Psychotically, the pistol in her pocket now rests in her palm with its most dangerous point aimed at the middle of my forehead.
And she asks me again when the sun will come,
But I give no response,
Because nothing I say will change her motive.
And she shoots me.

I faintly digress
How I repress so often
Your absolute best,
And then forget to forgive
The sins that you constantly live
And with which you give
Such a menacing
Motive of ripping and furtive lies you
Display with a massive
Protest where you tried to recess
The love that you originally expressed

Who decides the sun is yellow
The sky is blue
Green is envy, red is passion

Who's to say my cat is not a lioness, ferocious and proud, but who's to say a lioness is dangerous?

I determine my own reality

Where white is the color of evil, and black is not worn after Labor Day
The Eiffel Tower is my bathtub,
And my bathtub?
The Taj Mahal

I can touch my toes to the moon, swish my fingers in the infinite storm of Jupiter

The River Styx is my backyard, and I live in the center of the sun's hottest point, where no temperature is recorded other than 0 degrees Fahrenheit



How do we name the animals?
Language of origin please, root word, Greek, Latin, Romance languages,
Puke

Why can't my fish be called a shmeeeffflaarnaa?
It's much more interesting than 'neon tetra'
And as for the dog, I'd much rather have three daphnaria's running around my house



You should come live with me,
it's much more fun here

I dreamed of you
In a dream of mine, I saw you
In golden tassels and platinum crystals
In lustrous diamonds
In radiant tinsel
In a dream, I did
Dream of you

I like when you lean on MY shoulder
Not always the supporter, I enjoy supporting you too
You can cry around me
It's okay to be scared, vulnerable
These shoulders are not just ball-and-socket joints of attachment
They act as tear collectors, and confidence boosters
They're always here, unless for some reason I lose them
But until then, know they are at your disposal
Here whenever need be

Dear Old Friend,
Oh the hours we've played, the hours we have spent together
No words are spoken, none are needed
Our connection is physical
Gentle belly rubs
And warm, soft, furry skin gently keeping winter chills from inflicting my being

I recall the days you would fit on my lap, resting in-between my thighs in that comfortable crease
You had pupils the size of a pinky toe, and your nose was in proportion to a dime
Sweetly, lovingly, I could hold you in my palms
Where did those days go?

I now must kneel to touch your feeble, aged body
You lay down most days. Tired? Pain?
I wish it was the first option

Your time has come, my companion, to be better once more
The hours are numbered, and I am counting
Though it hurts, it helps to know you will soon recover

I want you only to be that innocent baby again
I want the webs of your paws in my little fingers, I want your fluffy, perfectly soft self sleeping on my lap again


Sleep once more, sweet pet
Sleep eternally and immortally

These blue walls have been everything
Soon to be nothing

My possessions stay whole in my life
My persona is (mostly) intact
I still have the love of my cat
The feel of my soft blanket
The comfort of my books
And I can't comprehend why this doesn't give me strength

These grounds
O, the beautiful trees, planted by hands of the family
The flowers, the precious flowers
The graves of my protectors
Mikey
Jeffy
Chipper
The time capsule, planted for my enjoyment upon the day of graduation must now be prematurely returned to society

And it
Hurts
To hear my loved ones tell me this is petty, this is minute

Let me remind you of the gentle breeze on your cheek as you read a novel on the hammock
The crick that runs through our woods, the deer and morels that reside
The blackberry bushes on our hill, the view of the sunset few experience but us
Every night
The immaculate view of the heavens from our front porch
The sound of cicadas in mid June
The aroma of pine trees
The vibrations of frogs congregating in our swamp
The swamp itself, two to be exact

Have you even seen the second swamp?
I have
In fact, I've witnessed our slice of heaven repeatedly, I appreciate it
I love it
I live it

This is my ohm
This is my sanctuary
This is my religion

And like a conversion, this will be difficult
New rituals
New systems
New life
It's hard to respect the fact that this is necessary
In a way, it just feels
Frankly, unnecessary

As I lie in bed and think of all that I am about to
Lose
These blue walls feel constricting under the green roof, inside our barn shaped home
They feel sad for you, because

You will never understand the beauty within these 17 acres

It's bothersome
To come home and find you nagging
Impatient
And irritated
Waiting to tuck me in

Untying my shoes, you pester and bicker
Bicker and pester
Frustrated, I must remember you were only worried for me

Ascending the stairs, you use the passing lane and beat me to my bedroom
All the while nagging, what you do best

I slip my night clothes on, while you have already made my bed your home
Spending five minutes to find the prime spot and position
You are picky, finicky

The light goes off, and we share love the way we know and are familiar with
My knuckles out, you smudge them with your chilly pink nose
Your arms relaxed, I rest my hand on your belly, patting gently as you hug me back with all four appendages

All angst is forgotten, a routine chain of events

You are my cat
And you are my mother

I want to
Smell
Touch
Hear
See
Taste
What love is
My slate has been washed clean, a picture not clear anymore
The lines are smeared
The image is faint

I recall it going something like
"Indefinite feeling"
But what has happened to this definition that was once held true
Because this word, indefinite is definitely false

Where is this thing called love
Is it inside me? This I am not sure of anymore
Once it was so obvious what love was
Once it was quite clear that love was forever
Once
Once

Things are different now
Because nothing is indefinite anymore
Not like when we were children, playing games and laughing sweetly
When recess lasted eternity, and nap time lasted much too long (eternity)

Recess is over
Or maybe recess never existed, it was merely a mirage
Maybe love never existed, it was merely a mirage
Maybe
Maybe

So please God, tell me what love is
Help me justify, understand love
Give me love, give me nothing less than your best love
Please
Please

A thought sets off tears
A smile creates sobs
An "are you okay" breaks you
And nothing cures the sorrow you feel
No person
No object
Nothing, leaving you with sadness
Sadness that shrinks you into a fetal position
It feeds, infinitely hungry
A stomach never fully satisfied
And you wallow in this pity that can't be ridden of

The damage is left behind
Not an angel's handyman could patch the hole left behind

Guilt
Anger
Pain and
Fear
This is when everything fails
This is where everything fails

Falling into hell and farther down than known to man
Because of a trip that could have been prevented
But was provoked by someone other than you

That, is where everything fails

Anticipation is a powerful drug. It heals suffering
Looking forward to something, such a fantastic feeling
Everyone should experience Anticipation in their lifetime
Everyone will experience Anticipation in their lifetime
Anticipation kills fear and births happiness
It creates smiles and destroys frowns
And that moment
When you finally feel the ******, the result of all built up Anticipation
Truly jaw dropping
Eye opening
Great

Anticipation is not for everyone, especially people who let it consume themselves too much
And of those with Anxiety
Some find it easy to confuse the feeling of Anxiety with the feeling of Anticipation
A silly mistake, easily fixed with a simple dosage of Realization

Warning, side effects of Anticipation may include
Butterflies
Nausea
Diarrhea
Wanting to sleep the day away to make the thing you are anticipating come faster
Loss of appetite
Over-excitement

This does not effect everyone with Anticipation, however,
One side effect that does inflict all is the satisfaction
The satisfaction of the event behind all of this Anticipation

It's hard to imagine The Close
No one has seen it,
No one will
But some find it easy to contemplate all of the ways to get there
Some believe it's never ending sadness
Others believe it's pure beauty at every corner

It's a scary place, indeed
To be in a position of constant fear of The Close

But I find it easy to fend off this fear
And I do this with *love

I feel unsafe
In a building with closed doors, you are always there
There's no need to run, hide
There's no place to go
You always find a way to seep through my skin, infect my thoughts

Too long have you chiseled at my soul
Brainwashed my mind
Siphoned my happiness out through my pores

Now that you're gone, things are better
But I feel as if you took something
Ah yes, you took the memories
Stripped them of me, destroyed them with your toxic waste
I can't retrieve them
Ever

As I love you, it feels just like breathing
Like riding a bike
Like flying a kite

It's quite impossible to forget how to love you

Simplistic, the act of sharing love between us

Like jigsaw pieces, we found each other in a sea of different
Shapes,
Colors,
and Sizes

We fit perfectly, because we were designed to coexist

In the same space
At the same time

Kiss me slow
Kiss me soft
Kiss me long

Make it last
Make it count
Make it strong

I want to feel you
I want to know the reality of kissing you
Engrave it in my soul
Save me from the pain of forgetting your lips

Kiss my cheek
Stomach
Hand
Shoulder
Neck
Kiss me

Kiss me in the moonlight
Kiss me goodnight
Kiss me on my tiptoes
Kiss me goodbye
Kiss me good morning
Kiss me by the sunset
Kiss my clothes off
Kiss me naked
Kiss me

I need your kisses
Always

I want your kisses
Always

I love your kisses
Always

Kiss me carefully, kiss me carelessly

Kiss your love into me

Love is the kind of thing you read about
Love is the kind of thing you dream about

But to experience...

Help me find words to rationalize the feeling of love


When every kiss holds meaning behind sealed lips
When every hug warms the body like hot chocolate on a snow day
When every smile gathers heat to your cheeks
When every laugh tattoos memories
When every tear beckons death

Electrifying the sensation of touch, from an innocent hand-hold to a loving palm that rests on my cheek, supporting the weight of my head as I fall asleep on your chest to the soothing sound of respiration

That emotion which takes one word to describe, yet can be described in thousands of words

All of which, I feel from you

It was innocent.
The two of us, naked together, breathing each others oxygen
Close enough to smell the ****** aroma of your sweat and natural scent
Close enough to touch lips so tenderly, close enough to interlace our tongues inside my mouth

It was special.
Young love, together we shared this feeling so few comprehend
We proudly say we know what love is, we proudly say we shared true love

It was quiet.
Skin touching skin, rubbing gently like fine grit sand paper
Soft, rushed breathing passing by my ear

It was perfect.
In every sense of the word, it was perfect.

It was beautiful.

Venomous
As you poison me
Intoxication at best
Sickiningly sweet
Surprisingly sour
To differentiate between the two is impossible, drugged by your painfully soft

Lips that inject me with these
Salivating neurotoxins
Numbing mind, body, and soul
Penetrating deep layers of

Skin so comfortable as my form molds against yours
Feathery whispers surrounding my ear while

Kissing slowly, silently
In a sublime fashion as darkness forms to daylight, and daylight turns to midnight

Time means nothing here

Until the day I am able to sleep next to you, my hand held in yours softly
Underneath billowy sheets, hidden beneath baby-soft blankets like school children
Your chest, slowly rising and lowering with each breath you
Inhale
Exhale, serves as my head rest, with your hand sweetly, yet safely atop my cheek bone

The steady metronome that resides under your rib cage resonates across the surface area of my skin and rattles the bones of my inner ear

The heat we create draws precipitation out of my pores

I stencil hearts, swirls, circles on your forearm with my freshly painted fingernails as you drift into the realm of dreams
I follow along shortly, all the while sharing my most sincere love for you, which kindles warmth under the comforters

I linger as long as humanly possible, for who would rather dream, than live their dreams
Where sight, sounds and smells create paintings on canvases, capturing memories


Until This day, one can only visualize

The silver threads that hang from his scalp drape gently onto the crisp outline of his neckline

Dried, frail lips, etched on by ancient carving tools across the rickety bones that make up his jawline

And hands, constructed so beautifully

A working man's hands, wear-and-tear evident through scars and gashes

Yet his mind, so complete in every aspect
Able to solve all problems, able to mend all sadness with powerful phrases full of wisdom
Eons it takes to gain this wisdom, yet minutes it takes to share

I hear the roar of your truck engine as you wait patiently atop my driveway

I slide on my sandals hurriedly, slip out the door
Dressed in a loose, ripply top with my favorite shorts
Bouncy hair and glowing skin
Edible fragrances dripping off my figure, into your nostrils, in which drag themselves to the lobes of your brain, the taste buds of your tongue

And you
With your golden rod complexion, form-fitting black t-shirt, exposing the contours of your sculpted chest, loose Bermuda shorts
Complementary ball cap and aviators
The faint hypnotic smell of sweat and my favorite cologne that compliments your natural aroma perfectly

A playlist of songs reminiscent of old memories
Singing
Dancing
Laughing
Crying
Beats on my eardrums
"Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go round!"
Our vocal chords stretch like rubber bands as we scream to these memories in motion

The beach is reserved for our use, or so we pretend
Together, we are alone on this small strip of land
I run to the sand, allowing my toes the comfort of such a familiar feeling
White hot, burning, tingling, relief within seconds as the warmth conducts and disperses across my skin

I unbutton my shorts and pull my top over my head, run to the waters edge in hopes of pleasure, alleviation from the gnawing humidity, liquefying my bones  
I submerge my head, fogging my mind, allowing complete relaxation to fill my entire being

I find you beside me as I surface for Oxygen
Beads of lake water cover you cheeks like melted snowflakes
You stand there, naked next to me, your clothes at shore

Your hands search my back, find the fasteners of my bra
1
2
3 un-clipped by your hungry fingers, which now travel to my hips
Tugging at the thin, lacy fabric covering my
innocence

Now, in your palm

And with your other palm you beckon me back to the sand as you say, with tender breathlessness,
"You're beautiful"
In which I believe you as I lie upon a sandy towel
As you carefully lower yourself upon me
As our fingers interlace
And our lips, thirsting for lust, bind together

We are one

We are love

It's a humorous thing
How scent can take you places
Past, present and future
Relive fury
Remember lust
Extract happiness
O sweet aroma
Teach me to conjure these feelings again

O masculine, divine smell
Covering my clothes
Filling the atmosphere with mesmerizing fumes
Intoxicating my mind with sensual aromatics
Drink me up
I will **** you in, I will take you in completely
Take me to far away places, dreams and memories of soft kisses and tender hugs
Of romantic dances and innocent laughter
Remind me of past events once enjoyed
Resurface memories far and near, quiet and loud
Let me live them once more

I love how I feel at peace with myself around you
The feeling of freedom, where I can dance my worst, sing my flattest, and act my craziest in the presence of you is cherished by me
I will always be myself when I am near you, in hopes that you will find comfort in being yourself near me

You won't see me as I walk through the door
I'll go swiftly, maybe you won't notice
As I disassemble all we have built up
You won't see me as I break the billions of bonds we had
The millions of moments we had been through
The thousands of thoughts we shared
You won't see me as I destroy it all

I'll make it easy,

I promise