It's  not about the fish, I say
its about the sea we're all swimming in, not caring whether we hit a wall or stumble and fall to the ground.
We tend to stay on the ground, refusing to pick ourselves up and swim to the top to see the sun we wish to see so badly.

That is the love I've lost. The love for the sun beating down on my tear-stained face...

Someone was shot today
And I don't know why
But I succumb to this sadness
And I have this ache to live
To breathe
To do everything
Before my life may sink
I think of 'living life to the fullest'
I have this urge to call you
Because I know I love you and I don't want to lose you again
Like the last time...
Where we just ended
And never spoke again
No, I don't want that
I love you
And gosh, I wish you knew
I wish you knew that I am praying for you
Praying for you from Isaiah 29
Waiting for you, praying that you come back into my palm

But I heard that someone was shot today
Someone I never knew
I know you
I know I love you
And I don't want anything to happen to you
I love every intricate part of you
And I miss you, my love
And I wish that apology meant something
I know it did
Because you don't aplogise unless it was eating you up inside

Someone was shot today
And I realize that I need to speak to you
I need you
I want you

Someone was shot today
And I hate the thoughts bustling through my mind
These thoeries and beliefs that I ponder on
My hopes and dreams that I pray to accomplish
The way you remind me of my dreams...

Someone was shot today
And I want to feel alive
I want to run to you and I want to kiss you
I want you to feel my love
I want every part of you
And I want to live my life to the fullest in you
I need you

Someone was shot today
Someone was lost today
And I don't want to lose you

Words.
Their immense power that no individual will truly understand.
Your words that linger
That tread my peaceful thoughts
That wreck my numb heart
That pulsate through me.
Words.
Your words
Laced into me
So strategically
And eloquently as you do
Words
The power of a single sentence that penetrates through me
Words
The words you said
The words that stay behind
The words that will never leave my troubled mind.

Today was a good day
And I was not forgotten
I was filled with zeal and a gladness that will not suspend
I will burst out in a fit of laughter
With tears in my eyes and
A heart made of sighs
Relaxing sighs
Today was something I enjoy
A light hearted day that felt like
Grade nine
We spoke of truths untold and of silly glamorous ideas
We laughed until our lungs had burst and we wheezed in a glorious spirit
We breathed in the air of life and enjoyed every moment fully
Today is a day I wish all were like
No stress in the world
Not a pyre that destroys our sweet innocence and bursts of joy
I seek to live in a furnace where I may indulge in my youth
I seek to have memorable times
That will never be forgotten
I seek to stay this young
Or perhaps to just indulge
And find my last youthful days sufficient enough
Before the years of trials to come
Where life is one big conundrum
For now, I will drink from my fountain of youth
And ooze with a spirit of fresh renewal and rejuvenation
I will feel alive while I still can
I will never allow man to make me numb
For I will not succumb to his daft requests
To show a dreary pretense of adult behavior
And maturity
No, I choose to enjoy my youth
And ooze a facade of confidence from within
For I am young
And this is my last year of it
And I will
Indulge in this spirit.

I wish I didn't care as much as I do
I wish i didn't worry about you
Like I do
I mean, you've hurt me
And I've forgiven you, yes
I just wish you knew that I cared
I wish you knew the amount I cared
The amount of heartache I feel for you
The infinite amount of prayers I send up for you
I wish you could look into my mind
I am but a tender warrior
That indulges in her worries
And seeks to love you
I wish you knew the pain I felt for you
I wish you would just respond to me
I wish you would just love me in return
I wish you could see how much I think about you
I wish you knew, I wish you knew
My dear, I wish you could see the figure crafted in my mind for you
Impulsive , perfect , tender and rare
I adore you
And I miss you
And I hope you know I am concerned about you.

I genuinely care about you.

It is raining this morning and I can hear the dripping next to my window.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
Like the sound of my heart now that it has been released, the sound of life now that my eyes have opened again, the taste of fresh being in the air that tells of a girl who will not allow herself to stop. She will not allow the face of Man to take her away from her passion, from the beating of a sensual and released heart and a soul that will not escape from her body. No, she will listen to the raindrops...
She will listen to her heart.
She will not stop.

She hears the sound of rain this morning.
At first silent, not truly audible , but then turning into something powerful, something strong and rhythmic and beating down on the soil of this barren land!

She can hear the rain pouring down now, the thunder shouting and the strike of lighting showing the storm's eyes, but these eyes, they are not crying tears of pain. no, these eyes shed tears of release, tears that have seen what darkness truly is and these tears are letting go. These tears tell of a joy that is like a new song, that make someone feel a need to spread out their arms, jump and fly...

It is raining this morning.
I can hear it now.
Drip. Drip. Drip.

I am trying to learn how to love you again
Although I know it to be true in my heart
I can not put my deep emotions into play
As an actress on the stage

Help me to love you tenderly
Guide me as to how I should hold your heart
In my palm? At the tip of my fingers?
Do I caress it with sweet lips and a silent kiss?

Show me how to love you
Without haste
With a shuddering embrace
I am in your sweet maze

Of solitude
It was once
Yet now I am here
And I feel home

Like a place I have searched for all eternity
I have found my sweet sanity
The place I have longed for
My Haven, my home in your heart...

But, dear, show me how to love you
I want to take your fears away
Show me how I should....
Take me to your maze

As I get lost
In your love
And learn how to give you
My embrace .

A candle in my hands
And I watch the panting flame
I see her idly breathing
Her heart pulsating
Vigorously, her body
Inhales the air of this deadened night

A candle in my trusting hands
I have been told my heart is on my sleeve
She is aching
She is sighing
She is wandering
What in the world have I done

A candle in my sighing hands
And the memory of that evening
Kiss my thoughts
A peck...
And I see your strong jaw
And eyes a perfect sight to find my gaze

A candle in my forgotten hands
I remember you gently easing my way
On the dance floor
Under the moonlight
Under the sun's forgotten face
As the darkness enveloped our skin

A candle in my nimble hands
And my hopeful eyes
Stare in wander
Stare in awe
At the intertwining branches
In your arms
Muscled and toiled with strength

A candle in my weak hands
And I stumble
Hold this candle
With all the strength I can muster

A candle in my terrified hands
As you leave
Footsteps drawn
Ready to go
My eyes screaming, my love
Please stay in my sanctuary
This haven made for you

A candle drops from my weak, crumbling hands
As my legs crash
Like a thunderous wave
To the platform
Unraised...
A flood plain
Where the ruby bleeds
Her reflected colours
From the flame...

A candle lies at my tip of my veiny, Shaking fingers
And you are gone
And the flame dances softly
At the tender touch
Of the Wind.

Oh, God
Why, God, must this heart never heal
Take this pain
Take it
I do not want this heart
It burns
And it aches
And it bleeds
With envy, callous mind and no real being
I want to be numb
Let me have one last sip
Alas, the bottle is empty
And I am left
With this hopeless feeling
I can not escape.

Will I ever be good enough for anyone?

Why can my heart never heal
Why does every man break my heart
2 heartbreaks
One year.
I'm waiting for her to break again.
I won't allow it
I refuse to falter to any man's deceptions
I want to be happy
I want to be free
Let go of me.

I spoke of you today
And that woman in the red, purring dress
You've got her now
You don't need me and my spirituality
You don't need my heart
You don't need my firm, yet loving glance
You don't need me in your life
And that is something I must come to accept
That you are gone
You will never love me
For I was something materialistic to you
Something unfathomable to your simple mind
I wanted more than a superficial glitz
A flirty fun deal
No I wanted your soul
I loved your soul
I fell do deeply in love with it
And I cannot bear to tell you
That my soul still yearns for you
She searches for those Brown eyes
That she loved so dearly...
So I succumb to my futile thoughts
Those tonight's thoughts of loving you once again
But I squandered
I was mistaken
And now I am left
With am emptiness
A pit
A soul that yearns for yours
Because today, I spoke of you
Once again.

"That was a futile event"
My best friend glanced to me
And smirked
At the usage of such a unique
And powerful word.
The actual usage of words we've learnt
The brilliance and the beauty
Of our pure, defining English class

Her lectures pay off.

My vocabulary lengthens
My thirst for language is left unquenched
My throat is dry
And I long for the touch of linguistics upon my being
I am in love with it
This English language
The superiority of its brilliance
The superb accuracy of its words to a feeling
My sense of nostalgia when I remember I dear word
My heart on fire to learn more of its beauty

I am in  love
In love  with words
In love with their taste
And the vocabulary
Their brilliance
And the words I use
That are often not as futile
As they seem,
Just momentarily.

I salute you
You few
Who have the ability to follow your passions...
You few
Who do the dream
Who don't live morbid lives
You few...
The artists, painters, writers, musicians
You few
Who are allowed to touch
To feel
To embrace
Your dream
And I thought I could be her...
I have lost her...
And I miss her dearly

She had a dream.
A dream so big with a passion so on fire
She spoke of it proudly
She never gave a ****...
But then came along
The words
The persuasions
The sadists who told you no

However, as I sit here
I salute you
You few
Who are brave
Who achieve the dream
Who write for life
And do it with all your being
Please pray for me.
Please, I beg
I plead to you

Pray that I
may find
her
again...
And I may be
one of you...
You few.

I wonder...
Could I have lost the love
You gave to me...
My love for art and...
So many things...
You made me adore...
Now what of it...
These aspects that never visit my door.
Have I lost it?
Did you take it with you on that trail?
My love for
Art.
For
You.

I do miss you dearly.

Morning air
Cold and loud
Crisp at the touch
Whispering wonders of wisdom
And freezing my flesh.

As I stand
Here
In this Pew,
In this church
Or Perhaps in this school hall
I am granted the ability to
Sing
At the top of my lungs
And I ponder on the meaning
Of worship
Of Praise
As I stand
I watch faces filled with doubt,
Filled with a mesmerised odd
Trance
They do not think of what they utter from their lips
They do not ponder Your Greatness
They stand weakly, hands at their sides
And merely sing
Without a thought in mind
What is worship?
What is praise?
Do we sing with all our being
As we pronounce our Heavenly Father's Holy Name?
Is worship not standing in the throne room
Before our Mighty God, our King, Creator of Heaven and Earth.

We are merely humans
Created by our Mighty Ruler
We stand before the Great I Am
And should we not sing with gratitude?
Should we not sing Praise to the One who made every intricate detail of our being
Our Prince who lives in the Sacred Sanctuary of our hearts...
Do we actually worship?
Lift our Hands as we Praise His Mighty Name
Because we are washed by His Blood
The Blood of Christ
Should we not
Praise him?
Worship him?
And adore Him?
The One who gave us the breath of life.

As I stand here,
I watch
And I ponder,
As you stand in the throne room
Do you worship the King?
Or do you stand meekly
Before the One who created your inmost being?

Love my
                 filthy
                                heart.

Come            to                            me
    
and


               Embrace



                                               Her.

There's something so eloquent
About the first time
You hear a song
You focus
You listen
To every word
Your mind does not falter
You remain attentive
Throughout
A duration
Up to 4 minutes perhaps
240 seconds
And you remain still
Soaking in every word she sings
Every chorus
You concentrate on
You reflect on each line
Every pronunciation
Of each word
You feel her pain
You surrender to the hurt
Inside your heart
And you allow her to tend
To your wounds that
You tried to weave back
Her graceful words
Tear open your sore wound
She snips apart those perfect stitches
That took you so long to weave into your tender skin...
And you open your soul to her words
Her words embrace your heart
And you allow yourself to delve into the forgotten pain
That allows itself to reminisce
In your heart
You think of every word he uttered
Every possible thing that ever made you smile...
And then you embrace the pain...

'Now, baby, how can I forget your love?'

Every word
She enunciates
Is so profound
As she leaves
Her lyrics
Braded around your heart
Carefully sketched as part of your soul

And you remember
That first time
You allowed her
Musical breeze
To touch your wounds...

Every word.
Every musical sound.
A mantra left within.

Today I had an MRI
Worst thirty minutes of my life
However, my thoughts strayed
From corner to corner of my agile mind
From the beautiful woman in the foyer who spoke about her life
To life and it's wonders...  
And the statistics of deaths
During an MRI
Irrational thoughts indeed...
But thoughts that are frightening
In that moment of need.
Funny what you think of...
When you don't know what's going on
When you're trapped by a machine
When you're trapped by life...
I wondered...
Will they remember me?
I remember the woman's fascination
With my long, golden locks
That touched my hips softly

Ha, at least they'll remember my hair.
That's something, isn't it?
Being known as the young girl with long, luscious golden locks...
If they don't see my writing.
It's something.

Before the MRI,
They said 'Think of happy things'
And then my thoughts wandered
To you...
Your beautiful smile
The way my heart flutters when you look at me
When you taught me how to dance
And we flowed on the dance floor
When I held your hand
And my heart skipped a beat
When you glanced at me
With such sincerity
And your name repeating in my head...
You, you, you...

My thoughts during an MRI
Are odd
Thoughts of life, thoughts of death, thoughts of remembrance,
Thoughts of long, golden hair
And thoughts of
You.

You were my drug
I let go of you
I no longer felt the need
For your flavour
The high you gave me...
But I relapsed.

Conflicted, Confused and Contemplating all I knew
Is how you left me
Because you healed me
You loved me
Is what I thought
But now I am filled with wrought
I dread the day I see you again
Because I don't know where to begin
You lead me down a sweet, silent path
Where you mended my wounds and fixed every scar
You distracted me from the world unknown
And you took me away to somewhere over the rainbow
I think I always will love you
And I hate that you have that grip on me
My first love
Blocked me from your life
And everlasting strife
You've deleted me from your words, your page
Does anger even have an age?
For I never know
When I will feel good again, when I will forget
The day you took my heart
Held it in your palm
And ripped in every scar...
I forgive you.
I loved  you.
I hate you.
But you will always be dear to me
In this conflicted place in my heart
Filled with confusion
Contemplating what I once knew....

"Do we still believe in 'the one'?"
I Asked my best friend
The question adorning the moment
And I pondered...
Do we honestly think there is some man out there searching for us, just waiting to meet us?
Are we relying on destiny, for fate to sweep us away to meet him?
What if he walks by?
What if we never meet?
What if we have met, and he never knew us...

But if there is this 'one', would he want me?
Me, with my *****, hopeless heart
That has been so defiled by other men
That has been gassed to death by their meaningless words
That lies on the floor begging for one final breath
I beg of you, will he love my tired soul?
Will he numb the pain that pulsates through my being?
My spirit is so tired of this
Of broken hearts and broken dreams
I scream out and I wait
I wait for you
'the one '
I am naked and bare
No hidden pretense
And I sit here
Listen out for me
Because you'll here my soul screaming
Bitterly
Needing your touch...
The one, the one,
Don't be afraid of the dark
nor my disgusting scars and filthy, morbid heart
My Ragged and old heart
I need your touch...
The one, the one
Come back to me.

You told me you fake confidence
Just how you faked loving me

I dont think I could ever be a doctor
Because I would hate to be
Responsible for so many lives...
But to teach...
To be responsible for one's thoughts
Ah,
Now that is what I would love...

My thoughts under a beating sun
Are Drenched with sweat
But filled with raw emotion
My thoughts under a beating sun
Are often insane
And bewildering
My thoughts under a beating sun
Are wild and intertwined with philosophy
My thoughts under a beating sun
Are simple

I clutch onto his wreathed and wrinkled hand
My feet are bare
Relaxed in the beach sand
As the salty seawater licks me tenderly
Back and forth
It mocks me, yet soothes my startled soul

My thoughts are tangled at this time they are filled with courageous supernatural sorcery
That mingles among my sane thoughts

I stand in the sea
My hand clutching my father's
And sigh at the beauty of such a marvelous.sight
And ponder on what may become
Of my soon beginning life...

I am filled with wrought
And doubt at what I once thought I knew
I don't know
I don't know
I don't really know anymore.
I think I just want to be happy someday
Content, as some might say
Maybe I want to find love
And be loved
Maybe I want time
Time to think
Time to be
And time to write poetry
And enunciate passionate phrases
Perhaps I want to make an impact
Teach...
Build...
A mind.
Make an impact
Do something...

I'm not sure what I want
I'm not sure any of us do.

But all I can say for now
Is that
As I stand in the shallow waters
Of this glorious sea that stands before me
At the edge of the world
The edge of my life...

I often find myself conflicted
By
My thoughts under a beating sun

Will they even remember...
My heart
Will they even rememb...
My soul
Will they even rem...
My smile
Will they even...
My glance
Will they...
My words.

I think it's your impact that matters
The memory you leave with someone
Do I actually make  a difference?
Have I changed his point of you, his thought patterns?
Have I made a dent?
A mark that stains and never goes away

Will, even my smile, stay in his memory?
Does he even remember my name

I think that's what we want most
To leave  a dent
A mark
To stay within someone's heart
Leave a memory...

Will they remember me?
A face with sad eyes that hid tears
With a beaming smile...
A heart on her sleeve...
Her emotions always bare...

Will they remember me?
And my blonde hair

Will they remember me
Blue eyes that always try to shine
Stay positive
Bring out the light

Will they remember
My sensitive soul
And gentle heart
That always tries to love

Will they even remember...
My heart
Will they even rememb...
My soul
Will they even rem...
My smile
Will they even...
My glance
Will they...
My words.

Perhaps this generation has lost the art of mystique
To keep oneself pure
To be loved fully
To be embraces with sincerity
Perhaps I've lost my art of mystique
To guard my heart...

Three Stars above us...
You counted each one
With melodic beauty from your tongue
You spoke about the stars
With genuine curiosity
Your palm resting on my hip...
Your eyes staring at my tender lips...
Gracefully, you have stolen my heart
Elegantly, you swept me off me feet
You whisked me around the dance floor
Pursuasively
You stared into my eyes
Intensely and perhaps lovingly
My dear, you mean a lot to me
You are my greatest friend
And I refuse to allow this
Sweet, silent moment
As we dance under three stars
To transcend...

God, I'm overwhelmed
Overwhelmed by the beauty I see before my eyes
And I believe
God, I believe
And wonder how one can look at such beauty
And not see Your Glory.

I see the clouds slow dancing in the skies
I see the stars winking their eyes
I see the lovers dancing on the stars.
With no fear.
Oh, no fear at all

And I hear the silence of this bizarre night
I am in awe
Of this beauty
Of this work of art
And I sigh
Because if I was an artist
I would paint the skies every night
To keep this beauty with me

As now the clouds have scurried by. Tenderly staring down
Scribbling on my sights
As nigh
Resides
And I see the moon
Oh, I see her shining bright
She is at peace
So quiet
So silent
With all her might
She stares down at me
I, such a small insignificant being
And wanders at
What I've become
What I hope to be
Perhaps
That's all I seek
To be reassured
That whatever will be will be

Somehow she calms
My stirring thoughts
My troubled mind
My heart filled with wrought
And she says
Be still, my love
All will be better
Your sighs will end
And your heart will be full again

But, God, I can't help being overwhelmed
By the transcending beauty
Before my meek eyes
And I wander
When will this beauty suffice?

I don't know when I'll get over you
But I'm hoping it will be soon
Because I'm sick and tired
Of carrying this piece of my heart
That is constantly attached to the thought of you

You broke me down
You cut my very skin
Each stroke of paint
Laced with hatred and contempt

You never did love me
And I must move on
I must face the brutal truth
Get on with my life
And never be overcome with tears
By the groggy thought of you

I wish you would leave my mind
You cynical, yet dreamer boy
I want to get on with my life, stop seeing you in  every man  that crosses my path
I want to fall in love again
Without any fear

I want to forget your ferocious heart
And allow myself
To fall into someone else's arms...

I do wonder
If I'll ever love someone
So fiercely again.
I loved you with all my heart
I loved every part of you
I loved every bitter piece of you
And I was willing
Willing to love those bitter pieces
Drenched with smoky still silences
Of your broken heart

I don't know if I will ever love again
So fiercely
With so much passion
Will I ever find a soul
Who whispers so in tune
To mine?

He'll never know of the pain he caused you
Of the fear you hold.
For a single glance from wandering eyes of men
How afraid he's made you of giving your heart away
Because heartbreak is the worst
And it's a pain that never leaves
Always leaves a bite that lasts
A scar that is forever traced
On your skin
It is the wound that never heals
Always hidden deep within.

That intricate piece of my heart will always love you.

You know what I'm going to miss most...
Are those short chats in Afrikaans class
That share sly secrets and hearts are opened freely
No pretence and no doubt in mind
And I come to realise
It is my last year to do so

It's the sound of the bell
That leads me along each day
That structure every day of my life
Calling me to its whims
To the places I should go
Next year I will be alone.

It's those short walks to each class
Where you get in those last bits of a conversation
You utter words of encouragement to those who are in need
To your fellow girls in green
And for the first time, I wonder if I'll ever see them again...

I've been surrounded by these radiant faces
Each day of my life
For the past five years,
Some twelve
I've walked these corridors with them
I've heard about pieces of their extraordinary lives
We've shared laughs as a class
And inside jokes...
That time when someone was given something in art that made her insane and declare "the tree bit me", again and again
The hazy day in grade eight when we were so delighted by our teachers absence, we caused such a raucous and when she came... That class captain shouted "SHE'S COMING!"
And all was back to normality...
I remember my first cultural day...
Singing to the entire school at the top of my lungs...

I remember my first day of grade 8,
A mousy timid being not sure of where she should go
To a phoenix screaming her name on the stage...
Ready to fly into the skies
And stare down at meak faces
And eyes filled with fascination

You see,
There are things in my school I love dearly
The radiant faces beside me each day, the ones that have always stayed and never strayed away...
The sound of the bell as it structures my day
And those conversations in Afrikaans class...
That keep me sane...
I ponder of what my life will become
And if I will always hold these memories
So close to my whimpering heart...

The worst is...
He'll never know of the pain  he caused...
Of all the scars he ripped onto your tender skin
He'll never know how much your heart aches
When you hear the sound of his name
He will never see those scars.
He will never hear your voice pleading for him to return.
Because he ran
Ran away with a piece your melancholic heart
And now
He will never see the scar
He left behind
On your tender, vulnerable skin...

I detest you
Your visage carved into my mind
Burning in flames of hatred
As you allowed my heart to bleed
In a chasm filled with
Skeletal remains and disparaged carnage

There was a war here
In this very heart...  

It was once a place of sweet melodies
Soft voices uttered from our very lips
As your aesthetics gave me a sense of renewal
And I discovered the beauty of your visage
As you made me feel like me again

But now, I sit.
Surrounded by flames
And Skeletal remains
Of a battle that was...
Won?
A battle I condemned myself to
And my fate was unraveled from the coil
As I begged you not to leave me
I begged you to sing to me once more
Our strange duet
A melodious clamour...
A hush
A kiss
Our lips so perfectly inclined

And then you left so swiftly
With my heart in your hands
Without a memory of me
Because I was just another melody...

How do we survive this ongoing, enduring pull?
This urge to move and
get things done
To keep at our pace
Never stop
For a single moment.

How do we do it?
How do we live...
In this cyclic routine
And urging pull
To get things done

We are expected to survive
Fend for ourselves
In this barren land
Of movement
Getting and spending
Yet never getting anywhere
Or achieving anything grand

So I ask you
How am I to survive
This urging pull
This tug of war inside
To ace this life,
To get a move on
How do we survive
The urging pull
To get things done

Will I shrivel in this abyss
Into nothingness...

My hunger
For something raw and extraordinaire
Has been beaten to a pulp
Deafened
And undefined
My appetite has disappeared
My thirst has dried completely
And I have weakened

I beg of you
With tears in my eyes
How will I survive?

Black, bolting bats decorating the starry night
That distinct fragrance of serenity and peace
The smell of granddaddy's cooking
Succulent and intertwined with feeling of zealous gatherings
A child's heart - playful and unaware of life's conquered trials
Your sweet, real smile
And voice that could calm my soul
Your laugh so full...
Granddaddy, I remember your brave heart today
I remember clutching onto your hand so tightly
Afraid of the black skies and bolting bats calling out
With my young eyes so innocent
Staring bewildered
At the starry night...

To love and be loved in return must truly be
a gem
A gift to cherish on to
For it happens so
Rarely
One must hold onto it
If you are one of the lucky few.

I love his smile
When it stretches into his eyes
and it's the most beautiful expression he has
When he is truly happy
He smiles like that
As if the world will never end
And there is hope
At the end of the day
When the sun sets.

Do we truly listen
Or do we pretend and move on to what we have to say
We say 'Yes, hmm, but, I...'
And we go on
Speak of ourselves
And move on
And once again pretend to acknowledge the words of another
Does anyone ever truly listen?
Does anyone actually care about what I have to say?
Perhaps that's why we write poetry
We've lost the connection...
Or we are so struck by that one moment
Where another truly acknowledges what we had to say
So we write it
About that mere simple moment
Where they actually cared
Perhaps we write so someone will hear our thoughts
Someone will care to listen
Not put up a facade
With a fake smile and nod
But someone
Who actually listens
To this poet's heart.

You made me fall in love again...
You made me fall
in love
with
words,
phrases,
poetry,
passion...

Oh, how I miss you, love.

Beautiful people
With eyes so sad
Yet with faith displayed so bravely in their expressions
I watch you few
As you Congregate
After church
Sipping tea
Speaking of weekly squander
And I find you beautiful

You beautiful man with thick spectacles
Greying hair and eyes that tell tales  
I remember writing about you once
Turning your story into poetry...
Making you come alive to the world
In a few mere words...

I see you, dearest
As you dunk your biscuit into that sweet tea of the week
You speak so effervescently to your Sunday friend
You gossip about the latest news and you find entertainment in this beautiful chaos
Of this short weekend

Oh, beautiful people
Beautiful people everywhere
Simply beautiful
Not in how they look, but in the way they are
Perhaps I find her the most beautiful
The woman with laughing eyes, never allowing her age to catch her youthful spirit
She believes that hardships and trials make you stronger
'Without the bad, you wouldn't be strong. Without the good, you wouldn't know the bad. Without the bad, you wouldn't know the good. And I believe that's how we do it. You've just got to find the beauty in it.'

Oh, beautiful people
This morning you struck me
You moved me so
Your beauty is just so bright
And I will always love you and your youthful spirits
You Beautiful people of Sunday morn'

Gullibly, I gave you my heart.
Willingly, I gave you my very last breath
I allowed you to come into my world and view my filthy heart on display
Freely for your eyes to wander at
And examine
And I, yet I,
With my trodden heart,
Beg for your mercy
As I give you the very last piece of my soul.

My music is here
Oh my rain song
You have arrived with
Your dripping outside my window
I pause my playlist
Because your sound is just too great
It is much more powerful than any melody
Oh, rain song
You are my sanity
You are the perfect music of my heart
The windy breeze
The leaves dancing in the trees
The dripping of the rain
Singing me to sleep...

Oh, my music is here
With your thunderous beating
With your quiet undertone
Dripping
Banging
Oh, I do hear you
Music of nature
Music of this mysterious night
Mistifying me
Singing her thunderous, meandering lullaby...

All night I have searched for a song
Humming along
But now...
Oh yes, I bow down to your glorious sound
I give you a clap of praise
Like the sound of thunder pounding on the air
Being heard...

Oh, yes, my music has arrived
My music is finally here.

Do you hear me this morning?
Do you hear me this dawn?
I am singing a new song
I am shivering from the morning cold, but this sweet light is what draws me in
I am awakening the creatures beside me
I am lighting up their cages
The trees are the greenest green
And the sky is a beauteous blue
The air is fresh
And my heart feels anew

Do you hear me at dusk?
I am tired of this day.
It is time for me to wish you goodnight
And I sing my goodbye song
They all come to their homes
In this twilight

I refuse to live a morbid existence
I refuse to be told to "let it go"
I will enjoy this euphoria while it lasts
For I am a crepuscular being.

A chorus of layered sounds singing as one unit like a melodious choir, I heard the crepuscular creatures chirping along their bird sounds and awakening the night sky and dawning the morning sun. They sang with charisma and grace as the brazen sun  showed her hidden face.
A melodious cacophony of sounds to be heard in such early morning's grace.
A disarray of chaotic beauty.
These are the clamorous, yet elegant sounds of my morning song.

It was a moment
Of utter serenity
In which his voice whispered quietly to my lost, wandering soul...
'I have found you, love, and you are exquisite. And you are Mine.'
And I accepted this embrace with
Tenderness
And He took away all my filthy rags
He renewed my soul
And He cleansed me

It was a moment
Where my soul recognised
The reality of standing before my King
Accepting His embrace
And weeping in His Mighty Presence

My soul felt recognised
My wretched heart felt clean
Praising my Mighty King in Heaven
Once again.

But, she is trapped.
She is Pleading
To escape
For her final show
To receive her clamorous applause
To give one last beaming smile
To the adoring crowds...

She is trapped
She adorns the shackles
With her weak, weary hands
That are tired
*******
And
Tired of writing
Nonsensical bitter words
Of heartache
And of missing him

She is sick of it
She is sick of being trapped by you
Because you were the one that put her into this **** mess
You were the one who inspired her
You were her **** muse

But, what she glanced away from
Were the shackles
That you imprisoned her in
She is trapped by you
Trapped by her misery
By the loss

I wish you would just leave my head
I wonder why we ever met
Yes, yes, you made me write again
And, yes, you took me out of that abyss
That pit of nothingness

However, you've pushed me back in there.
It hurts more this time
Because this time I'm in shackles
In this pit
Trapped by you
I see you above me
Malice in your eyes
That once beautiful soul with malicious intent now evident in your eyes
Those brown eyes behind long lashes that took my breath away

And I wonder if you'll ever read this...
if you do,
I want you to know that you were the most beautiful person I have ever met
And I wish I didn't think that still
Even though you betrayed me
And left my heart to bleed

You were the worst heartbreak
Because I'm trapped, honey
I still think of you
And my heart is wounded
It is blistered and burnt
By the fire you ignited
And left...

And not even the rain,
that sweet symphony
Can clear this land
Of ashes and trials...
And burnt flesh.

I am trapped
In these shackles
Burnt by you...

**But, this phoenix will be born
She will come out of the ashes
And she will break your chains
She will no longer be trapped
And she will scream her name
Flying with blazing, orange wings
Out of your imprisonment
She will leave behind
That black pit with nothing but,        
broken shackles.