I wake up
Slowly
And I peak out
Into the pale pink light
Outlining the buildings outside my window
I look out at God's work
Bewildered by its glory
And then
Ever so quickly
I drift off back to sleep
After basking in His beauty

THE FIRST TIME


sometimes the sky's too blue
The stars are too bright
sometimes the very air we breathe is intoxicating.
I know this…. I know this.
She was just 18
I was only seventeen.
I was far too young
To be a safe place
But passion roared like a lion.
I was its slave.
She took me after the prom.
I swore I would die loving her.
That was not a lie.
But life is a ghost
A specter that returns to haunt you.
She told me she was pregnant.
I was overwhelmed’
I was frightened.
She left me
I went with her to the clinic.
I sat outside in the beat up Chevy.
She moved to LA far away from the tiny
town I lived in.

About fifteen years later
I saw her again
She came back for a class reunion
She saw me I was drinking a glass of wine
My heart stopped I felt a flashback.
She was angry at me I know
But I asked her to dance with me.
She finally accepted
And the ice melted
There is no one
who can take the place of the first --no one

She called me a *******
I agreed with her.
She said she hated me
I said I understand why.
She kissed me
And I kissed her back.


A year later
We walked into the fall park
Its beautiful foliage glowing in the evening sun
The twins were laughing in their stroller
I picked them up
And said
I love you guys so much
I will be here forever for you.
And she opened a door in the heart that  
She had saved just for me
And i walked inside.
I heard her close the door behind me
Locking me inside
She threw away the key
Into the urban jungle.
And I was safe here
Knowing I had found a place
That I would live forever
And I knew
That there is nothing
That can replace
The first time

I miss that shirt
Every
Single
Day
I miss the way it wrapped around me
I miss the way it touched my skin
I miss the way it fit perfectly
I miss the way it was all I needed and more
But I threw it away
Because I didn't care
Because I was reckless and stupid
That was a one of a kind shirt
Something special
To be treasured and loved
And appreciated
But now it's gone
And there's nothing I can do
But mourn at its absense
And regret it
Every
Single
Day.

You didn't stay long enough
To see the jasmine
Blossom
outside your room
It's beautiful
You know
And you're missing it
Because you left
You let me goqqq
You told me i was the one
The day you gave me that bracelets
The Armour of God
Something you mother
had told you to give to
"the one"
I still have it
Because in my heart
I believe I'm her
I still think I'm the one
And you've let go for a little while
I'm hoping you come back
I really am
You'll be able to see the jasmine bloom
It'll be beautiful
By the time you return
After its been
alone
For quite some time

It’s the basic brown eyes that have me hypnotized
The slightest thought of you suddenly makes me weak inside
Not knowing if it’s the fact that i know you or don’t know part of you at all that makes me want more
But i sure can’t wait to see what’s in store
And though i can’t quite put my finger on it something about you gets me going everyday
Sometimes i feel as if I’m not good enough for you but then it just makes me want to better myself for you in every way
And as all the thoughts run to my mind about you i start to smile then blush because I’m in love with that little smirk you do without even noticing it especially with certain words you say
All i know is if someone were to ask if this is the Love I’ve been wishing for then my answer is yeah.
It just may, be.

I miss you
Every single day
I can't help it
I'm realizing now
I never appreciated you
You were so good to me
And I gave you hell
Because I wasn't ready
I miss you more than anything

When you left
I let go
Of him
And held onto the thought
Of you