You ended it
The week I said no
The week I said
I wanted to slow down
The week I said
I wanted to get closer to God again
The week I said
I wanted God to become the centre of our relationship
The week I said
No
The week I said no more touching
The week I said no more
The week I said
No to ***

And I am very insecure
Is that all I was?
Was I just an object of lust and desire?

My heart aches
I feel used
And I hate you more each day

Tonight
My mind has drifted
To the way you used to touch me
The way you rushed it
To where your hands wandered
And you whispered
Ever so softly
"God knows my intentions are pure"
How you fooled the girl in me who
Begged to be pure again
And fell for just the word uttered
"Pure"
How are any of the things you did to me pure?
I plead
How was I such a fool
I feel so guilty
Opening myself to you
Laying down
Allowing your mouth to touch every part of me
Such a rush
A big fat rush
I was in such a haze
I let you do whatever you pleased
I wanted you to
Because everyone else had done it
I craved it
It was so intimate
And I gave it to you
A gift truly
No man had been there before
Not even him
But I let you there
Because I went with the flow
Honestly I wasn't thinking
I never think
I was in such a daze
I hate myself for giving that to you
I hate you
And now you're gone
And I screamed at you on the phone
"I gave everything of myself to you physically. Can't you say something?"
And all you said was
"Frankly, I don't care, dear."
God and I broke
God, I guess you knew his intentions were never pure
And maybe this is punishment for my own sin
O God, give me peace
Cleanse me and make me whole again
Take away these thoughts
Please God
Make me pure again
Please
Release me from this *******
I beg you God
Please

my first crush committed suicide.
i remember the hurt at a young age
from chasing him around his living room
begging him for a kiss.
from my young age i knew i wanted him
in my life forever.
through his weaves and gagging
running around the furniture and up the stairs,
losing him sounded foreign then
and having lost him now, still feels the same.
our fathers drank and our mothers giggled
born three months apart
our future planned together
both saying "i do"
uniting us all together.
life flew on by
us both fighting with ourselves
and downing the bottles underneath the bed
loaded and silenced
family portraits painted in red
long life memories all put to rest.
only one made it out alive
but it's hard to breathe
out of us how was it me
and you in a little box
where a diamond ring should be.
my mind keeps wondering
when will i stop chasing you
then my heart replays
every time you turned a corner
you looked over your shoulder
and how you smiled at me.

**** me please
I can't endure
All this pain you put me through
Shoot me now
And you will see
The soil flowing out of me
Dead flowers drying in the heat
My grave filled with deceit
Rotten hope
Not build to last
Ghost that'll hunt you
From my past
Thinking you did the right thing
Still your actions sting
Poison in my long cold heart
Like that we'll never be apart.