hello
i am here
i don't know why i am here
but i am here
maybe it's the moon
it's probably the moon
i love the moon
it keeps me company when there's no one
thanks, moon
you're a good friend
listen to those harmonies
do you hear them
i hope you can hear them
they are beautiful
almost as beautiful as you are
you have your own harmonies
our voices sound nice together
our voices harmonize
let's go see the trees and the stars
let's take a trip to the moon and look at earth
it's funny how we live there
the earth
it's a small place
we are small
i love you though
you may be insignificant in the grand scheme of things
i am as well
but i love you
and somehow you are significant to me
because you care
that is nice
it is nice that you care
i love you

one of my favorite places in the world
is a beach made entirely of glass
each little piece of color was once a broken story
sharp and jagged, it could cut open veins with ease
but the sea was patient with the shards
spent time polishing and softening their edges
until their true beauty was revealed
-
(you are the waves
I am the glass
you make me beautiful)

pull me through time pull me through rips in the universe that my gods scratched with harsh voices
bask in the pale of ignorance and the lack of structure in my words
bathe in my pretentiousness
and look for the beauty
in the small things
the spot on her nose and the way a pine tree smells
scream scream scream because i'm almost something scream scream scream because i can't feel who i am from the inside of myself scream scream scream because i have lost so much i have suffocated a person inside of me scream scream scream
whisper whisper because i hurt myself today whisper whisper because there's ink in my veins now whisper whisper there's purple underneath my nails and it isn't my own whisper whisper whisper
i'm turning my suffering down so i can fit into the lives of others and be comfortable i cannot bare to take up all the space my body wants me too
what will happen?
i will slip under the quicksand and my body will go back to the earth
which is pretty okay all considering I CAN HEAR A CAR SCREECHING I CAN HEAR A LIFE FLEETING I CAN FEEL THE WORLD SPINNING AROUND ME I COULD JUMP OFF I COULD JUMP OFF IF I COULD FIND AN EDGE

I like to think that I tried.
But at the same time
they used to like to think that the world was flat
and that green eyes meant that you were cursed.
I also like to think that I would go to the end of the galaxy for you,
just so that I could fetch a few stars and bring them back
to show you that not every light is burnt out yet.
I like to think that the scars on both of our wrists
will fade with time and will heal with care.
But so far, the redness has not subsided.
Your voice is still ringing in my ears.
I’m not sure what you are saying, but you’re there.
And you’re here.
For the most part, you are everywhere.
And if I could spend one more restless night
curled in your arms so that I could kiss the inside of your wrist
and hope for magic to appear, I could die tomorrow
and be okay with that.
My tombstone could be painted yellow
and my corpse could grow flowers.
All because I hoped for a little magic
while the howling wind touched the windowpane
and your breath quickened on my shoulder.
I would let the coolness of your eyes
take my memory back to the Bahamian sea.
I would let the flutter of your eyelashes remind me
of the rainbow parrotfish and the fire coral.
I would let the salty softness of your skin sink into mine
so that maybe I won’t be so sharp anymore.
I would let myself drown in you
and this time
I wouldn’t call for help.
I would save my last gasping breath
to let you know how beautiful you are.
Then I would succumb to your sea
and I would sink to the bottom
to let my corpse plant flowers in you.

i lay awake at night
and
listen to the sound the rain makes.
it spatters onto the ground with such purpose
that i can not help but feel jealousy in the pit
of my empty stomach.
the rain knows where its going and where its been.
i wander, confused at who i am and who i'm going to be.
i crave the feeling of certainty.
to know if i'm going to pull the string attached to my lips
and pull it into another forced smile another day.
i lay awake at night and
wish to be a drop of rain.

1
I don't miss you
if you don't miss me.

#2
What better to think about
other than you, is naught.

#3
I cry to my pillow everyday
but no memories fade.

#4
I still smell you
in paper, nostalgic memories and dreams.

#5
I stop looking at clouds
because I'll find you not.

#6
2 evens and one odd make
A three digit number

#7
I don't like you that way.
Just like talking only.

#8
A full cycle separates us,
but I don't really care.

#9
I am a lunatic
this is me, missing people everyday.

#10
I'm living the start of forever
as if you're dead.

this is where I am
I plant a flag upon myself
I lay claim
to me.

I know my face
I know my voice
I know the feeling
of my own skin

I have comfort
in the silence.
My spaces
are familiar.

I have found
that elusive thing.
The one that calms a heart.


It's called acceptance
It's called respect

And I cried many bitter tears
Ad my hands tore at my hair
And my grief tore at my heart
for the loss of a dream.

But the dream is over.
I was blind for wanting it.

I am calm.
Mostly.
Now that I know.
I hate you more than I hate myself.