I'm not sure if you and I have ever
been apart, long enough to make me
wrest my dark secrets
and revive you from the back of
my manic mind.

You have been my companion
for however long it could have been
and I have tried as much as I can
to run from you.
Away from you.

But sooner or later,
your easy reach into my soul of torment:
you know where to hide, where to look for
the things I thought I lost,
will make me return to you.

And with this silence,
I thee wed.

i am trying to photosynthesize and i want you to admire it and tell me i have done so in such an ethereal state that i have lifted off of this very planet and i am no longer in a land of biology and chemistry but a country of geometry and art and i can realize we are all just planes intersecting the same point at the same time and i will come back down to this god forsaken place just to tell you about it

I hear you say that
the skyscrapers are Ugly and that you
can't see the stars now
for the high, empty buildings
Devoid of soul.
I hear you say that those girls
the ones on the street corner
smiling into their Cellphone, blinking
when the flash Blinds them
are Self-Centered and only
think about themselves.
I hear you say (faintly) that i
am Escaping reality
when I plug my ears and
listen
only to My Own music.

The moon is glimmering like an alien sun
off a distant sea
on the windows of your soulless skyscraper.
The girls on the corner are
so Alive and so full
of celebration for This Moment
and i
am providing myself
with a Vibrant backdrop to these flashes
of Life. I will not be
like Hamlet's father, accepting. i
am not listening
to the poison you are trying
to drip in my ears

i. i have convinced myself i look the most beautiful with bruises and
hair that has not been brushed.
ii. sensitivity is my virtue. i wear it on my eyelashes and cry it all
off so i look like a raccoon waiting to be abandoned.
iii. i think if you opened me up inside you would find
books with dog-eared pages and
dandelions.
iv. if i fall in love with you, hold me down with cords
and fabrications.
v. i’m wearing lipstick too much, because all i can think of
lately is your fingers in my mouth and the
cliffs i need to jump off
of.

let’s pretend that my flaws are my
best qualities.
that you’re dependable, and your
shoulders will not shake.
let’s pretend i didn’t swallow his
nectar.
let’s pretend the marks upon my scruff
originated from my
callused fingers.
let’s pretend i can only ***
with
you.
that your spit wasn’t scratched upon
her pale fat thighs for almost 2
years.
let’s pretend that my lungs are steel,
and my ribs are made of
diamonds.

so if you wanna kiss me tonight,
kiss me hard so i can taste your
mistakes,
with a touch of plasma.
choke me until i’m on my knees,
confessing my sins.
hot like peppers.
cold like the snow we fell in.

we can never return
to that
night.

I look behind me
& you vanished all too soon,
leaving me to find the proper branch
to spin up a cocoon
& wait
for something
magnificent
to happen
I think you are magnificent
but I know I shouldn’t so I’d better not
& I’m sorry the sun burns your skin
but your hands burn mine
& every time I look behind me
you’re always gone
& if I look beside me
you’re holding someone’s hand
but it’s never mine
& though I understand love dies
sometimes it goes on, hopelessly inside
someone like me
broken and battered and sanguine still
someone who anticipates her empty heart
to be filled
& I keep looking behind me
as if you’ve just slowed down to tie your shoe
but I never pay attention to what’s coming ahead
& crash into cars and walls instead