My best friend died seventeen days ago.
I was strong. I was the lone strength in my family.
I mustered my muscles and carried his body to its destination.
And laid him down.
I paid the fees associated with death.

And I walked away.
Strong.


But in the last moments of seeing him being carried away,
My father reached out to feel his hair one last time.
Fourteen years of life, and this was goodbye.

I broke after that.
I let it out, all of the sobbing, the retching, the mourning.
My face was wet, my heart was wet.


And then I grew strong again.
I threw on my face of man,
And walked the world again.

i cried so much
that the cries turned into screams
and i drowned in my own salt water

I tried not to fall in love with Mila for she was broke
She who hid her crooked honest smile
Holding her coffee every morning
I said hi, she just never noticed I was the one that cared
Her eyes screamed 'help me'
Help me from myself
But no one could ever understand
She who sat alone in the mornings with her writing pad
She who walked alone staring at objects not eyes
I smiled at her everyday, she never looked up
She who probably cried every night
Everyday day
All the time
..
One day Mila walked towards me
I sighed in disbelief
She stared at me with her big brown eyes and said 'Keep this for me'
She handed me her writing pad
She walked away soon
I waited till the next morning
She never came.
She with her absence
She with her obscure self
She with her unveiling silence
All she needed was help
..
I fell in love with Mila
A love that was spurred from afar
For it was no possession
Admiration that was all
She who I could've helped
She who was so beautiful
She who understood how much life was doomed
She who's soul didn't belong here
..
Mila killed herself, for this was not her place, she went to try another universe
I'll be joining her there.

They ask me over and over again,
"What boy hurt you to make you this way?"
And I laugh.
Because they are too ignorant to understand
Liking girls does not require a previous pain,
Or being touched by a hand you thought you could trust
Love has no ****** preference
And love has no gender
So I am forced to ask them,
"What girl hurt you to make you that way?"
They look at me puzzled
And they don't understand
Because their normal only has one definition
And that is theirs.
They don't understand that maybe,
Just maybe,
I deserve love in which ever way makes me feel the butterflies in my tummy
And makes my hands perspire in the pocket of my hoodie
They can't seem to see
That I have seen more love in the curves of her back
Than they will ever see on their knees.
But no matter how much I tell them that there is nothing wrong with me,
That no boy hurt me,
They persist.
They no longer ask.
They just plainly state,
"A boy hurt you and made you this way."

i. the night you called me over-sensitive was the night
i filled myself with empty soda cans. i attempted to wash away
your scent. 50. 51. 52. times.
it all still stinks of you.
ii. you used to make me wait until three in the morning.
you never apologized. the last time was until four, and you greeted me
with a kiss that peeled my lips off,
threw me against the wall feeding me words and stale fragments.
iii. the night you said you were ******* her should
have been it. instead you held me,
and i imagined her blonde white hair, her pasty thighs bouncing.
you used to say you loved my cinnamon skin.
iv. you want to return to what we were.
but we were never anything except petal filled wishes and
gluten-free mistakes.
v. do not look for me anymore,
i am gone. i will be gone. i will be kissing stars and men with
accents and minds that are unlatched.
do not look for me anymore.

You kept changing from one door to the next,
I couldn’t reach you in time like every ex,
You’d step through a door and I would try to fallow,
But every room had been cleared and hallow,
I reached finally and grabbed your arm and looked in the eyes,
And you were beautiful,
But you said you need to go,
With eyes of hate and anger was now all you could show,
And to let to let go of her arm,
I begged you to please don’t,
And you said you wont,
My satellite ran into your semi in the sky,
And we both flew down to earth,
So I let go of your arm.