Don't ask me to be ok. Don't
your ******* dare ask me
to be ok after everything I
have done and am still doing to hold
the world together. Don't tell
me it's fine it is not fine I
am whirling around my room throwing
myself at the walls I am
hunched over, rocking in
my place and moaning at the world to
shut up shut up shut up I am
stepping into the scalding shower and watching
the marks parading
down my legsarmsbackchestneck turn
the color of blood I am
huddled and screaming at those
I love dearest to go away goaway GOAWAY a rising
crescendo of static I am
gripping myself in my talons I am
scrambling for any kind of hold I am
crying with the water on so they
can't hear me I am
having nightmares where she
is devouring me I am
plastering a fake smile on. I am
asking you, how are things? I am
politely apologizing for the state of the bathroom after
my ****** showers. I am
inquiring cheerfully as to the music. I am
having nightmares where she
is devouring me and I can't escape I can't
run downstairs she
lives there I am
perfectlyfinewhydoyouask.
don't
you
*******
dare.

You got ready
for battle and you
fit yourself into
your armor and then
just in case someone
should try and sneak up
or get any closer
to you you welded
the sharpest spikes
you could find
to every inch, fancying yourself
a porcupine without the fragility,
no soft underbelly.
And I will brave
these daggers and come
forwards, into
your painful embrace
because all you ever
had to do was ask
and I
will
follow.

I'm dying from the cancer that you breathe into my lungs;
Lies and love like cigarets on a tortured tongue.

it's not that
i still love you,
it's just that
i don't yet know
how to be
around you without
reaching out
for your
hand

Noticing, across the room.
The one boy who sits
With his head bowed,
Everyone else's back slightly turned,
As little as it won't be considered mean,
But still stings.
Or noticing the one girl who stares straight ahead, her eyes fixed on something no one else can see,
Something that maybe is invisible to her, too.
If you look closely enough,
You could maybe see the drawing in his notebook,
Scribbled worlds like
ugly
stupid
worthless
Maybe he needs a little
Tap on the back,
An "are you okay?"
From someone
Anyone.
Maybe he needs a little time
To rationalize?
Maybe, if given too much time,
There will be none left.

With every fragment and fibre of my being brain body soul and spirit
I love you and I'll die for you.
You don't need to love me back.
You can hate me.
But this love exists inside of me;
a most dark and dorset place.

You don't need to love me back.
Because we existed once.
at one point.
And That's all i really need.

i still feel the urge
of the clear water of escape and roughly 90 sleepy circles,
and the call of the shiny one who shows me my own
haemoglobin.
i still want to float away to the clouds in silence
in the still air of tranquility of nothingness
i still yearn to be nothingness
to become the air we breath

but i cant bare to leave you.
not here.

i read old messages for endless hours
why? because i miss what was ours
you were my very best friend
you were my soulmate
i hate how we let it all
simply go to waste
haven't met you
in the flesh
but i want to
next year
i want to see your face
and hope feelings re-appear
i want to feel your warmth
and just see you smile
it would make me glad
even for just a while
you are the one i see
when i look at the stars
you are the one i seek
every single night
i always wrap up
in a blanket
wishing it was you
holding me
instead of it
every night
same old thing
i miss your texts
i miss your everything
i miss you and i miss your love
you still fit me like a glove

heat sinks through
my skin these days, i
can't keep it out. i can't stay
put to shed the extraneous
motion inside of me; i suppose,
if anything,
i'm contracting, collapsing.

god knows what i am willing,
but, angularly, my
motives are changing and i'm
afraid of where these
clouds lead.

am i free or just a
cast shadow of me?
am i a liar,
or do i care simply in veiled metre,
and
would i stop before i seem?