We hunt. We chase. We run
like moths to a flame
for the simple glimmer
of a shared love,
but what we are truly attracted to
is chaos.

In the sheets of my bed,
I can’t seem to get up.
I am being held there
against my will
as I am flooded
with cravings of you.
I wonder if you will ever be able to satisfy
this continuous hunger.

I open the door.

You slide in
With that look.

I know what this is,

But my clothes
are already on the floor.


Your skin on mine.

Your lips on my neck.

My legs pull you closer,

Simultaneously building

To our release.


As the water beats down our bodies,

You hold me.

And for the first time,

I feel what it is like to be close to you.
Swaying to the sound of the shower,

I know your body is lying to me,

But I so badly want you to prove me wrong

As I cave in
To that moment
Of hope.

I’m crashing.
I have chills down my spine
As I flash to that night
Where I was soaring
On top of you.

The withdrawals have kicked in
And my mind can’t seem to turn off.
Up
And
Down
Until I have reached
Euphoria.

I keep blaming you.
Why did you give me that hit?
Just enough to keep me as the beggar
On your corner.
Your prime customer.

But it isn’t your fault.

It is me who is addicted,
to boys afflicted.

Then, you held my hand.
Enveloped in love and tenderness,
your grip provided the armor I needed
to walk another day.

The dam is open.
A flood released.
The sensation is too overwhelming,
I fall clenching my knees.
I am that little girl again,
sobbing
feeling so incredibly alone
reaching for a hand,
any hand
to tell her she is wanted.
I reach deep inside
to hold that little girls hand.
I grab it with fervor.
You are not alone
for I am with you.
You are always wanted
because without you
I couldn’t be the woman I am today.
So sleep soundly,
because of you little girl,
we only need each other.