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colours around me
fish me up to the light
when i clawed myself
down this deep hole

i feel the sun
i feel the “after you”
i taste the glory
everything
i missed out on

i brea
th
i
brea
l
th

in and out

take my breath that you stole from my lungs
put it back in my rotting stomach
swallowing hard
you sleep
in a nightmare
piled in the
trash out the back

i keep stepping
in the place with no bridge
head up high up so tall
there’s nothing to see beneath

you become tv static
a pedestrian
at the streetlights
a name
recycled
sugar bomb rests between
unbrushed teeth
i chew

slowly

staring out the window that can’t be turned off

hands reaching out to the far wall
uncoloured bony aliens

ten tablespoons of pasta soup
chinese medicine
a peice of bread
three sips
of water
You only love me when I let you pull apart my peices
I am my best friend.
I will never trust another over me again.
After the long nights
and early mornings
and long trials of back-and-forth-ing,
I have studied myself and can promise one thing:
I know me more than you do.

So if you ever begin to think
I am missing something big
come and slip a note to me -
criticism is welcome, but I will choose what I take and leave.

I have my back
I hold the line
I trust my truth and have a spine
I'll defend my reputation against those friends
who weren't friends at all, in the end.

I'd rather be "alone" than have to pretend.
I'd rather be my own best friend.
passion is the abstraction of the heart in your head
i stand in an asphalt river
and a chill knocks on my heart
as it cascades down the empty street

i eye my dad
as he takes photos
of the skeletons
resting on the grass

my hands are stuffed
in my overly fluorescent
striped jacket,
refusing
to feel the cold

i breathe out smoke

my pupils drift to the rusty shells; their tyres,
and their lack of number plates

the duo rests there together;
tethered to the turf,
bounded by the night,
and the endless winter wind

i wonder if they are past lovers;
entwined forever,
and forgotten to every eye but us
- or if they have a past at all.
One day
I will finally climb that mountain
I will hyjack a car

One day
When the e cops will ask me if I'm okay as I walk in the side of the road
I'll say
"Oh I'm great"
And it wouldn't even be a lie
Because I would know
What was to come
In only a matter of days

One day
I'll walk and walk
Until my legs don't work
And I'll keep going
On my knees

One day
I'll reach that small town
In small America
And I won't even mind the MAGA's
Because you'll be there

One day
You'll say
"I wish I could hug you right now"
And I'll climb in your room from the window
And give you the biggest one
The world has ever seen

One day
I'll be able to hold your hand
And we can walk on earth together
And eat all the jolly ranchers you'll spare
But I'll let you have all the watermelon ones

One day
I won't have to ask
"Still down?"
Because I'll be there
To see it myself

One day
You won't be 26 days away
But right there
In front of me

One day
I promise
And that'll be almost as magical
As you
Yk who you are <3 I love you so so so much
i'm the oldest daughter
that means getting love and validation from my family is transactional

my mother is proud of me
she thinks i'm an amazingly talented person
until my grades drop
now i'm sad

my father loves me
he calls me his twin
until i start acting my age
now im weird

my sister looks up to me
she wants to be just like me
until i try to be myself
now im embarrassing her

my other sister likes to be around me
i'm her best friend
until i stand up to her
now im a bully

i'm the oldest daughter
i'm the greatest person in the world
until i'm not
i found out what oldest daughter syndrome is and now everything makes sense
an•thro•po•pho•bia (n)
the fear of rejection

example: i have about 20 different personalities, none of them my real one, made for different people
i don't really know who i actually am anymore, but if someone were to not like me i might **** myself on the spot

cause: learned behavior
😃👍
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