poem on paper put through the wash

it was something about
organs playing the sound of skin
like lungs play the sound of breathing
heart the sound of blood
etc.
and of course it was my best poem yet
it was going to make me rich and famous
it was going to change the way
people imagine the purpose of skin
forever
all of the sudden
Americans
would be consistently human
instead of imagining white supremacy
in sleeping life dream
or arguing and agreeing
within the confines of
trick pseudo dialectical
***** **** *** festival
the skin is an *****
not a concept
for genocide to play with
distance is yelling
"you cannot patent blackness"
echo is yelling
"you cannot patent blackness"
nature is yelling
"you cannot patent nature"

therapy and resistance

how is it that therapy becomes the excess of class war or the oppression thereof?

When the struggle of the individual is made to seem self induced when it is easily and clearly directly a result of the failures and complacence afforded by the majority of the group.

When in a therapeutic environment it is important to distinguish the opportunities of resistance from the experience of trauma.

there has always been individuals who establish groups that are in a realm of desperation.

Understanding how this process has unfolded institutionally is just as valid as treating the individual.

This gives the individual the choice and resources needed to heal.

The healing could look like resistance rather than assuming aspects of class war or oppressive culture to be normal.

Otherwise therapy is nothing but the means to normalize the process of oppression.

The traumatic state needs to be able to decipher its organic existence from that of organized oppression and its institutional cooperation.

the neglect of deciphering or distinguishing these differences causes individuals to make a competition out of trauma. This minimizes certain trauma of individuals and causes the group to have less of an opportunity to resist organized oppression of the institution.

Those that are in the realm of desperation or traumatic state are given no choice but to repress in order to continue being social or a member of the group.

in excess the hierarchies of gender, race and class are reinforced to an almost superhuman level.

To the desperate or traumatic state…

what needs reinforcement is that there are humans just like us who have resisted oppression and caused the normalcy of the group to be more inclusive and aware of the processes associated with organized oppression.

****!
that **** was multicultural as ****!

Officer of whiteness to my father
“whose that?”
while pointing at me
“My son.”
Thats when they began
profiling
watching
Handcuffing
itching to use their guns
gossiping
slandering
putting me in danger
that thing whiteness dismisses
as paranoia
that is a new driving force
that was once
called sexuality

preemptive militance of white America
paranoid and armed to the gold teeth
bombing with nuclear bombs as revenge
bombing around the world
just in case
what if black America was this preemptive
this militantly hyper vigilant
after facing the whiteness of extermination
for such a long time
perhaps black America
might want the government
to use some of the hard earned
tax money
military expertise
impunity
to eradicate
racist white terrorists in America
at all levels of society
like what happened to MOVE
to John Africa
the babies the children
in Philadelphia may 13 1985
the fed bombs from the state helicopter
whiteness on a paranoid
preemptive genocidal mission of impunity
on camera
the paranoia black America should have
justifiably so
not to blame
America should surrender to the preemptive desire
of black America to not be enslaved or killed
upholding the basic freedom
In America
save your tax money
for domestic peace

its so nice to have you all here
to watch me unravel
it makes me feel safe
usually I haev to unravel alone
I can do it myself
but I would rather other people be involved
it takes some of the pressure off
and that is what god is
pressure

God is decolonization
God is decomposition
God has never been
Never will be White
God is not a social construction
God is anti imperialism
God is by any means necessary
God infiltrated whiteness

whiteness has been
the virus of the world
since before you were born
the issues have been pressing
pressurized
for generations
patiently
threatening
to declare
martial vengeance
dissociate in vein
teach children
to leave the other behind
in vein
do not dare
to tell them the truth
that vengeance cannot
be left behind
it catches those
that were unaware
first
uncertainty
the loudness of fear
overwhelming clarity
of existence
the situation
is none other
than our experience
dissociation of whiteness
stop sleeping
drunk dreams
while killing darker skinned children
and mothers
in the name of peace
inaugurating terrorism
fanning flames of vengeance
hand me down
genocidal family structure
weapons of whiteness
the capitalist mediator
spewing apathy
and bleeding complacence
into post apocalypse
with freedom

privacy
privilege
the written law of privacy
prescribed vulnerability
law of being in the open
written
no where to hide
the law of no rest
prescribed desperation
being watched
judged
documented
prescribed

my worst trauma
beaten out of existence
comes from the stereotypical white male
and those
that have internalized the stereotypical white male
I cannot any longer
handle
being treated as that stereotypical white male
its over
in order to heal
I need space from that projection
in order to escape the politics
to be allowed to expeirence and exhaust
my trauma in society
that is why from now on I am to be referred to as
her
black her preferably
my legal gender pronoun
is black woman

I am proud of you
you should be proud of yourself
for how incredibly brave you are
for choosing to be alive
knowing you are dying
and reincarnation
awaits
in absolute vagueness

The natives knew
how to only ****
certain things
Regenerative
Now everyone
is going to ****
each other
P.s.
this is metaphor
And literal

the scientific achievement of evil
pseudo perfection
of temporal stages of process
science works to find the answers
of indigenous
slain
by elitist impulses unfinished
incomplete logic
the past remains in writing
deceiving the oral history
of the earth’s true nature

Searching for words to write
Is purity
Traveling light years
In and out of
Existence
Then they smash through
Your eyes
Into infinity
Your logic gives up
And surrender
is no longer just a game
It is for real this time

atleast when I am in a cell
blood drips pretty from these wrists
as handcuffs cut through
I am safe from the abuse
slander
and deceit
when freedom looks like ****** handcuffs
they didn’t use the second tool
that stops them from squeezing tighter
and tighter
with steel like unforgivable
cold and ******
and the fullness of the moon
glows through its nearest clouds
red and full of overshadowed doom
like a solar powered night lite
fathomless thought
pervades understanding
dragged two hundred feet
by the chain’s disparity
in-between each handcuff
while stomping on my head and chest
I never used to shake like this
or tremble as if my body
is someone else

Not so sure
not so sure
they know what is what
what they do
that is for what people see
them doing
what they do for being human?
not so sure they think there is a difference
how much of what we do
is for the perspective of others
smothering originality
with a pillow
and shoot!!

Did you know that slaves who fought their way to freedom escaped white liberty?
They make liberty and justice for all a relevant and possible concept
Are you aware that escaped black women were the first to conceive freedom in America?
Did you know that the eradication of white supremacy will be brutal and violent?
Did you know that after being brutalized the only way to demand respect is to be even more brutal in return?
Did you know that after what white America has allowed and done to dark skinned humans it is surprising any white Americans are still alive and not buried by vengeance?
Take a look its in a book
Its reading rainbow

Nature is trying to roll over you
Chew you up and reincarnate you
I walked out of my poetry reading
having declared whiteness is a mental illness
As I was being told which poems were their favorites
A woman passing by overheard them say
“mixed race”
She said to me,
“Cain?”
I said what from the bible?
She said no
“biracial Cain.”
There was a long pause and she could tell I didn’t know what she meant
She said,
“Cain was my step son.”
“He just killed himself in his cell the other day… because the police were harassing him about being black and white.”
I felt so desperate to help
I told her I’m trying to change things
I cannot bring back her step son
I put a ski mask on
and said come with me

Whiteness has been following me
my whole life
everything I do
now I am finally
preying on whiteness
keeping track of it
like J edgar hoover
salivating over Jack Johnson’s ****
like miscegeny laws
holding whiteness accountable
nothing but impunity and disassociation
******* each other
insured genocide
reckless exposure
talking with you about whiteness
is like negotiating with genocide

There is nothing wrong with being attracted to beauty
it is a beautiful thing
magnetics and irony
amethyst and memories
black fist of power
proud ovaries breathe melanin magic
hearts of silk spun
resilience is narcissistic too
you know
revolution can declare martial law too
maybe it already did
you would not know yet
the coal used to be us
now we are diamonds
stolen from the earth because of our sheen
our glimmer stuns the most magnificent darkness
a teal sunset sparks the imagination
hallucinating smoking quartz

Rwandan orchid
I will not let reality
Take over my positive imagination
In all seriousness
Logic and peace
We must rebel
Against our own desires
Of manufactured comfort
With smiles
Budding sweet tears
Affirmative genocide
Apathetic anonymous

I died of anger
at the point which
poetry finds you
abstraction saves you
you could never
enter the violet night
concealing the moon
like violence does you
you always say poetry
like you are accomplished
accommodated
no one knows
what will happen
that is why
you accept gravity
light

Whiteness disassociates from science
“We all come from Africa.” Science says to it
“Also you have been having *** and procreating with Africans forever.” Science adds with a stern clear and colorless face
And then Science says, “Im going to stop helping you travel to space. If you don’t listen to me…
You have one week.”

Forgetting you are indigenous is the first mental illness
The process of removing indigenous from oneself is the worst gateway drug
Worse than the liquor needed to obliterate minds into colonialism
Worse than distorting evolution with violence and corruption
worse than enforcing the corruption of whiteness

If scientists were scientific
they would at first
repair the damage they have done
in making whiteness
some kind of ethnicity or race
before indulging in anything else

Man doesn’t want to embarass anyone
or make anyone feel guilty
about the status quo
of being a man
so he cries alone by the river
as often as it rains
he listens to his breath
through the flute
his daughters
who are his heart
secretly overrule his manhood
when man is done
brutally expelling
threats to families
securing land for whiteness
slaughtering natives
pillaging foreign hearts
he puts the violence safely aside
the violence that shapes
moments of peace
the warrior walks naked through his home
vulnerable
weaponless
expelling threats
returning to tranquility and love
innocence is lost
then regained
making them stronger
and stronger
man
the real man
is a secret

seeing things in black and white is because of **** and slavery
it is ******
an experience
being black and white
its not a choice
It cannot be stopped
it is not just a figure of speech
something to say that makes you actually able to be compassionate
or an authority on how society is going to heal
it is exposing a conflict
pleading to be human again
attempting to reclaim a stolen innocence

happiness is seething
so eager to meet me
where have a been for so long?
I thought it would never
want to see me again
after that one night
I was unreachable
I did not respond
I left happiness outside
worried into ecstacy
scared of its smile
shaking in laughter
warm and fuzzy
satiated
I let it search for me
with no reward
all this time
it was happiness
that was the killer

selfless self sabotage
intertwined tight ropeless
walking
down America street
where the best activists
actively left the broken dialogue
actively left
the broken blood stained culture
actively went to sleep
some from violence
some for money
make a living
because in America
the art of killing
obviously open
abierto!
activist activity process of whiteness
on its fall from white-centricity
desperate
many pay to see
many feast their eyes
on screens galore
life is not as exciting anymore
entertained by activists
instead of acting out
out of white-centricity
not like out from the heart
but like out of a self sustained hell
that wouldn’t ask for its son
to be soaked in bleach and implanted violently
with blue eyes
a white-centric optometrist surgeon general
for other innocent children
to drool over with lust
someday wanton to be
a fake white Jesus
desperately inactivist
getting a lot more business
than those many valiant men
women
and children
who fought white-centricity
for our freedom
so we could love a new language
like a universal galactic super hero
whiteness in children yearns for
to be human again and allowed to be also
allowed to be human while also being human
not selfless sabotage

semantics chewed you up
and spit out your bones

Im really getting used to the wasting of paper
I try to at the least be nourishing with ink
I had to smile to ask her to dance
Within 2 seconds she could tell it was pretend
They can feel that I was off somewhere else
That I am just an outsider visiting the night life
They can smell how much I have been studying
That I doubted the reality of whiteness from a young age
she can smell the doubt all over me
The echoes are still fresh
coming out of my pores
she can smell that I just denounced whiteness to an audience the night before
her sense of smell is as keen as her gyrating  hips
snakey moves
but you just wait girl
soon it will be even cooler to denounce whiteness
as a mental illness
cooler than it was to create the idea of slavery
those that are hip
will be shaking them to my drums
waiting to hear my deeply rooted words
empathy
***

*** happens
*** thinks

look divide separate perseverate
alleviate alone groups filled with emptiness
families without relatives
social climbing down a cliff
with nothing to hold
climbing the endless journey
away from evolved us
taking involved us
shaking our roots from the dirt
the ground we once had with us
roots will search forever
in darkness
water is somewhere to be found
we will never give up
by design
contrary to the common enforcement
of reality that separates perseverates
polarity sincerely and honestly
without remorse
resolve
a discourse
of course life sustains the death
you dream of so vividly
lucid
just like when woke up
by awake people
with so much at stake
they cannot wait to sleep again
on the memory foam of America
frothing into nature
white water rapids ******* math
engineering with no one steering
stretching for the light
that enforced he was the son of god
but that was not originally the lightning rod
of Zeus
who was also blacker than Olympus lead on
and Medusa turned your reality into stone
from liquid fluid intake of love

Quiet the mind for a little bit longer
Intend on noticing the end and beginning of each breathe
Stop controlling everything for a little while longer
Focus intently on extending and nurturing this thought
Expand it to include yourself and others
Reincarnate into the interest of the other

Separate yourself from your own understanding
Play with the thought
that this might be the most important thing ever said
Let go of the reoccurring disappointment
Notice your standard
Destroy it
Notice its inherent importance
Expand it to include yourself and others
Look up from writing
She is gone

Once I stopped crying
gained my composure
in this decomposition of whiteness
I could think it through
what it was
what it is that hit me 2 hours later
while driving
I should have pulled over
all pedestrians became blurry
I wiped my tears away
the way the girlfriend
black and human
watched her boyfriend bleeding to death
with a gun still aimed at him
shaking violently
the gun that is
the white officer holding it
the white t shirt with the blood
I remember going over my handlebars
on my bike at a park
called Look Park
these old white ladies couldn’t here us yelling we were coming
I steered clear and sacrificed myself
they were like the treasure of whiteness
not only white
but for a long time too
I hit a stone wall
it gashed my chin open
my brothers were telling me
"we can see your bone”
My black father took his white t shirt off
he was stopping the blood
none of the park patrol stopped
an excessive amount of time
I remember their eyes as they pretended not to see us
what is making it hardest for me
to remain at all complacent
(not revolting to death, reincarnation)
is the adaptation of the black girlfriend
to the lethally threatening situation of whiteness
the calmness and grace
the persuasion in her voice
its strength without the shakiness
of the white officers gun
the selflessness and desperation
of keeping her composure
that black girlfriend
sharing her experience with me
she needs me to grab the gun from that officer
she needed me
she needed us to surround them
those officers need to be killed
death penalty happens to innocent black people all day everyday
death penalty needs to be used
just for the sake of proximity
to a death of a black person
we need social work
for what we have been through
not shaky violent
white hands with guns
killing us in private
and over social media

impostor of origins
indulging failure
obscuring love
fantasizing friction
glory of absence
in the beginning
was silence

What it’s like to be mixed snowboard
In all my angst
I just want to ask snow cats
To bring me up
The practice
I could not afford
Auto correct knows
Immediately
I’m not white like
Genocidal perception
Percentage of gravity
Skier races of racism
It’s getting used to organic intelligence
Filling message quick
Don’t fail humanity

As I check the evenness of my afro in the reflections of storefront windows while walking by
Smiling about whether the eyes watching
Are scared of where blackness has been
I am proud

as serious
about being black
as I am serious
about you understanding How black I am
How black we are
so black that we all came from Africa
So black that racism ceases to exist
apologizes and commits genocide on itself
instead of everyone else
whiteness reverses itself back to ethnicities
admits it is a dissociative order
to its judicial branch
So black that natives re-overpopulate
so black that whiteness becomes a memory
distant even to the young
so black that humans matter again
human lives matter
is like black lives matter
until this matters
deconstruction of whiteness
breakdown of the philosophies
that went into the business
of skin color based slavery
deconstructing imperial serial killing
so black that anyone can find out the truth
anytime anywhere
nothing to hide except humanity

Talking bout race politics
Minority acceptance
My parent had consensual ***
Black and white
Your dilemma doesn’t exist to me
It is me
But being born
Is different than your understanding
Of race war and genocide
No matter how smiley
The words
Or how silencing bombs
Shaking the ground apart
Minority
Killing me
Diagnosing exclusivitys
Since Revolution begun
As if this human reunion
Is all of the sudden peaceful
Loving
Kind
So I fell in love with you

someday no one
will discriminate
against
me
for being
in a
****** relationship
with revolution

I do not see space travel
as an evolutionary event
I look at it as an excess
of dissociative disorder
colonialism and the making
of whiteness
whiteness
justifying the guilt
by searching
and searching
somewhere else
not somewhere better
just somewhere else
there is nothing better
than how we evolved
are place within experience
all that surrounds
us is intimately woven with
our sheer experience
that has evolved
without the possibility
of memory
or redundancy
or even a pattern or repetition
to desire somewhere else
is to leave the best
most evolved experience
of being human
organic intelligence
artificial intelligence
has patterns that are not evolution
or the experience there of
they are patterns that are also
of this desire to be some where else
where ever it may be a space
or an entity
an other
counter-transferance
aliens
colonization
product of whiteness
excess
the profit of colonization
dissociative disorder
from the experience of being human
if you teach people that evolution
is something related to a process
that is merely the documentation
of the desire to be somewhere or something else
slavery is a combination of somewhere else and something else
it is like aliens
inherently under control
of a powerful military
actually the alien extracted from
their home
all mighty whiteness
is the most powerful
dissociative power
evolution did indeed give us the possibility to dissociate
but is was designed for empathy
not as a tool to be somewhere
or something else
the experience of
the dissociative human
declaring whiteness
has other opportunity
but to experience slavery
since it is a dissociation
it is delusional
and although the human
dissociating may not be within
the structure of slavery they conceive
they are without
the original
experience
I notice them
organic intelligence resumes

poetry is none other than life
people appreciate in public
the poems that are abstractly nature
more than the ones that describe
how to arise from oppression
its sad  but comforting
because I also like nature
and wish
I could solely
along with my black family
just be human

black space ship and a white space ship
they leave earth
ravaged by environmental racism
they land on a new earth at the same time
as a gift
a thank you
energy transformation
people of white space ship
offer to sacrifice some as slaves
for 350 years
to give people in black space ship headstart
the people of black space ship
refuse kindly
stating,
“we are not evil and dissociative."

all police need to be black
or I'm not speaking to you anymore

All police officers should be black
Or I'm not speaking to you anymore

and as Im holding my sign that says
“black lives matter more than white lives”
black families cheer and beep
a white man with his family in a pick up truck
yells out
your mother should have had an abortion
I yell back
she did 
before me
because her mother said she would disown her
I was after that 
next
and then I killed him in front of Academy of music with a ski mask on 
in front of  bernie supporters
and a bunch of street lights

You want to look good
While colonialism
Shakes it’s fist
Shakes it’s tail
The coolest colonist
High five take a shot
Blended to the top
Feel good colonial *******
Leaving humanity behind
Stylish like fathomless
Surprising non stop
Never predicted
Happy new year
Old old ****** up colonists
You will feel it
In the end
Then destroy it all