You are my drug. ..
My high...
So high. ..
Now you've got me crashing. ..
The lowest low I've ever known...
The disapointment is so palpable I could cut it with a knife...
You failed me on this one...
We've all got our demons...
Somehow your mine...

E.J.M.

*** is such a driving force with us...somehow I can't get enough of you... Your touch, your kiss ,the smile on your lips...I'll always drive to see you because I can't get enough of you... it's always worth the drive...drive for an hour to spend 10 minutes with you... It's always worth it... Those 10 minutes spent staring at your face mean the world to me... Such a *** drive... I just drove by one of our places and it brings back memories of all the times we've been there... And I still continue to drive... Nothing is changed I love you the same... And I'll just keep driving ....did you drive me insane?

E.J.M.

I rarely cry for you... for us...
But my heart is breaking. ..
And you aren't here....
And I'm sobbing. ... even after all these years. ..

E.J.M.

Aren't we all just pieces of someone else?
Some sense memory.. tied in to memories..
Snippets of previous interactions?
The way you walk reminds someone of someone else...
The way your eyes light up...
Someone saw that same sparkle..in another place and time... on another person.
We are ourselves completely....
But to someone else... we are merely pieces...
Some sense memory of someone else...
That they use to know..

E.J.M.

I dream of sitting in bed with you...
Curled into one another...
Your lips pressed against my shoulder..
Just being with you in twilight...

Those moments when the day ends...
Those last few seconds...
as the day departs and the night encroaches....
To just be....

I don't need words...
Or actions of any kind...
I want no plans...

I simply want to be with you in silence...
Inaction....
Together for the quiet darkening moments...
Listening to you breathe....

Knowing that you'll be here when I awake...

E.J.M.

what's different about today... Rather than tomorrow or possibly Friday? why is it that some weeks you see me multiple times yet others not even a call... Weeks go by and I don't hear a word and then you're back just like you never left... Can you tell me you'll call Monday...yet I don't hear anything from you... You always come back... The question is why are we here? why do we come back? what makes you call me? can't you just live your life without me? isn't she enough? I'm not sure why you need us both? yet I must ask myself the same question... I'm not sure why both of us are here... Maybe we should stop coming...

E.J.M.

you always tell me pretty words to make us seem real..
offer up plans that we'll do that never come thru..
The one days, the maybes , the promises...
you are a spawner of hope..
Giving up lies that have never been asked...
I understand why you do it...
you make this grandiose romance..
Star crossed lovers..
Romeo & Juliet...
but...
I know what we are...
I know how this ends...
I know where we're going ..
no picket fences..
no happy endings..
no forevers...
just day by day...
moment by moment..
kiss by fleeting kiss..
just here & now..
I take you as you are without the pretty lies...
what 's that say about me?

E.J.M.

There is this hollow space beneath my breast bone where you use to be...
The absence of you is a void....
I miss you no less today than I did 2 years ago... or every time you went away...
The absence of you doesn't really cause me pain...
There are just days where I wonder how you are?
When I think of you more...
When I feel the absence of you in my soul...
I wonder if it ever goes away?
I feel branded by our love...
Like a tattoo of what we were... left over scarring in your absence. ..
It reminds me of your heart...
Beating next to mine...
That's no longer there...
just this unfilled void where our love went....

E.J.M.

That look...
This relationship that has gone on for years...
The other half of me...
our souls meet...
And I finally recognized that in you...
This draw of the deepest parts of who you are combined with me...
Our souls ... and I'll love you always...
In this way
My soulmate...
My soul met years ago and never realized the beauty of you

E.J.M.

These selfish moments are all that I have. ..
I hold them in my heart. ..
That smile still takes my breath away. ..
Hello gorgeous. ..
Just to hold you. ..
Skin to skin. ..
I stretch these moments in my head. ..
Make our selfishness last for days Instead of mere moments. ...
I live the most alive in these...
The brilliant blue overhead. ..
I continue to drown in the topaz...
I've never met a body that fits me better...
I love you...
Thank you for these selfish moments. ..

E.J.M.

Fervent kisses... ardent love... pressing against you urgently...
I love what you do to me...
This weakened state you take me too...
I tremble and want so much more...
I can't take much more...
Your sweat dripping into my eyes...
Eyes glazed over...
I love you above me...
Muscles rippling... the sinewy length of you against me...
Feather kisses on my shoulders. ..
My teeth on your ear...
Such grace and beauty in being with you..
The kiss on my head...
My nails gripping your shoulders...
Graceful entoxicating euphoria....

E.J.M.

I'm here...
But you aren't. .
And I can cry all my tears...
But you still aren't here. .
And you'll never know ...
I'll keep crying...

E.J.M.

You called to say I love you...
It's been two weeks since I have heard from you....
You called to reassure me that you meant what you said...
That you want to change your life...
You want me in it...
You called to remind me that despite our space. ..
You love me no less today...
You called me to tell me that tomorrow I can call you....
You called me to say I love you...
And I couldn't breathe and my heart is racing. ..
And I love you no less...

E.J.M.

The breeze tickles my skin...
I'm reminded of your breath by my ear
The golden orb above heats my shoulders...
Reminiscent of your hands....
Listening to the wooded sounds. .. I think of you here...
As I gaze down your path..I wonder where it leads
The other way is mine...
Two paths to one location....
To come here over and over again yet not know the details by now...
Reminiscent of loving you...
All this time. .thinking I know the details of you yet not knowing anything of your path...
Anything of your day to day. ..
Who you really are...
What you really want....
I only know what you show me...
You whisper I love you...
I know that we do...
Yet there's that other path...

E.J.M.

Aren't we all searching for that one person to know us?
Just one person to listen in this solidarity. ..
I just want to be heard without saying a word...
I want someone to know me ...
Who knew finding that connection could be so hard...

E.J.M.

Your beautiful mouth...
The enchanting words that escape when you're in me...
Such beautiful heartbreaking lies...
I live to hear you speak them...
I love that glazed look in your eyes and know you'd tell me anything. ..
Anything to make me happy. ..
To make us better...
I never believe them ...
But ohh that tiniest part of me adores hearing your precious mouth speak them breathing against my neck...
I could live off those words. ..
Those timeless lies...
..... I love you....
........it will be better soon....
I cling to these empty words...
Made in moments of passion...
That fade in the sun only moments later

E.J.M.

It isn't about the outcome...
It's about the time in between. .
I love you so much and always have..
To bridge that distance..
I'm so afraid of saying how I feel about you to you..
I haven't stopped thinking of you yet...
I wonder what your doing now that I've left...
And I'm counting days to November. .
I just want to see you again alone.. without all this space
I want to take the chance to know you differently...
I want that chance more than anything. ..
I hope I get this chance to love you more..
no matter the outcome

E.J.M.

I struggle daily with the decision to make others happy or myself happy. This may be the hardest decision I make daily

E.J.M.

The darkness of my life...
The day to day bs....
wow..... overwhelming
Love knowing that the person I built my life with could leave in the blink of an eye....
We stand divided... I guess....
Glad I work so hard. . For what?
Us?
Our life?
Sides taken.... I still pay all of the bills...
House rules...
Keep talking.....

E.J.M.

We make this harder than it is....
All the turns and twists of us...

The intricacies of the lives we live...
The parts that don't fit into our world...

The simplicity of us
is this....

I love you and you love me

There's so much more and so much less...
But in the end, this is why we are....

The how we are...
The where we are...

It all comes back to that moment that I loved you....
And the moment you wanted to hear it....

It could all be so simple....

E.J.M.

I feel so safe with you....
Not sure why because you are frought with danger...
As I breathe you in I feel at home....
Laying in your arms... I feel the strength of you...
Little kisses on my shoulder....
Your Hands On My waist....
I love you in these moments....
I love you catching me...

E.J.M.

So I realized that I love you..
Finding this hurts.  
So much to say...
Yet nothing can be done..
I love you and realized I always have...
And you are there... and I am here...
So far apart..
And I'm not sure you feel the same..
Finding this hurts because I don't want to change us.  
But I do...
I want to know you like a lover would...
I want to know you intimately...
I can't breach our boundaries....
Finding this hurts...
I miss you so badly..  I'm achingly aware of the loss of you...

E.J.M.

there's the sadness of you. we will never be... My heart longs for you. yet you're unattainable. I feel we are running in circles this never ending love affair.. Some days it's worse than others. and I can't reach you and I want to. we have all these missed occasions and marked moments...
I'm lost here.  We are made of absent spaces.  This recurring heartbreaking breaks me.

E.J.M.

The indigo of your ink...
The Cerulean sky overhead...

I love your  face... The beautiful contours... Eloquent nose... The curve of your lips when they smile at me... Your wild topaz eyes when they stare at mine. How I love your face... Such a stunning complexion... The 5 o'clock shadow as it scratches my chin... Your beautiful black lashes... I can't get enough of your face it makes my heart smile
E.J.M

We are fading and I can't stop it...
This isn't what I'd planned...
As helpless as I am to stop us. ..
I feel you waning...
I love you so much but have lost you somewhere. ..
Your pretty mouth with pretty words...
And it's fading. ..
I miss you in the worst of ways...
When in fact you are already gone...
These weeks without words I cannot do...

E.J.M.

Life changes. ..
Life changes you and I....
The hardness of your body has softened. ..
Your earrings are gone....
There's more pepper in your hair...
More lines around your eyes...
Another job...
But you still have her...
And years ago I had hope...
of something else. ..
I'm softer...
and smarter...
and harder now...
we've changed yet remained the same...
Life changes us...
we are still here in our place despite the changes...
and I still lose my breath when I see you...

E.J.M.

I'm missing you today.  Who am I kidding?  I'm always missing you... it's a constant in my life. I'm not good at patience.  I never have been.  I try for you though.  For us. For the us that isn't really.  We are hitting our 3 year mark. Crazy to think that I've loved you this long. Just know that I always love you and think of you. I hope you do too.
I carry your heart in my heart.

E.J.M.

You have the cutest feet I've ever seen...
Such perfect beautiful feet..
And I forgot...
Some things I rarely see of you. ..
Another perfect part of you...
Such perfect feet...

E.J.M.

This is crazy....
To want you now...
After all this...
Scattered moments in my head...
Breathless kisses in a darkened room...
Crazy chances to take...
And I'm aware of all the risks..
we are here anyway....
maybe we shouldn't....
too late to turn back now...
the damage is done...
stolen kisses and wordless stares...

E.J M.

The race of my heart beat....
The throb of my pulse...
The pounding of my blood thru my veins....
It's you....
It's you every time....
And the words just don't come out...

E.J.M.

I want to remember you like this....
In the filtering light... flickering through the trees...
That perfect smile and your eyes lighting up to my face..
Things change. ..
Over years I have loved you in this spot...
In this light...
My fondest memory is you standing here...
Whatever changes life may bring....
Whatever happens to us...
I remember you here in this flickering light...
Smiling for me

E.J.M.

Moments with you are better than our moments apart...
How is it possible to love you this much in a matter of moments?
Our entire premise is faulty...
In two years I have spent snatches of space with you ...
Mere glimpses of you...
Yet know you deeper than anyone....
All those times... if added up would be less than a month I suppose. ..
So long... Yet so infrequent. ...
I know your deepest soul..
As it meets mine in the moments...
Just tiny sparks ...
My life with you marked in exclamation marks....

E.J.M.

Time.....
Such a strange concept. ...
One of which I had no concept of before you....
Now every moment counts. ..
Every ticking second. ..

One too late and I miss you....

that grasping of sands in an hour glass.
Halting THE falling....
Trying to gather them up in my hands.....
I can watch as time fades away. ..
Our time is few.....
Seconds ticking off.....

can't ask you to stay. ....

E.J.M.

Why do you keep me here?
Here in this box, on a shelf...
To take down when you want...
To play with me..
To tell how miserable your life is...
And when your done..
You put me back here until the next time you need me...
I can't fathom why you keep me here...

I suppose the better question is why I stay?

E.J.M.

You are the reason I write....
The reason I feel again...
The highs and the lows of me...
The ins and the outs of my deepest soul....

You brought me to light.....

You are the joy in the simplest of things...
the butterflies inside...
You make my heart smile as no one has...
You put it there....

I write these for you...

Our concrete and woods...
Our wordless hellos...
The way you embrace me...
like your holding on to my heart....

I feel these with you....

The fragile skimming of your mouth...
The roughness of your jaw...
The complexities of all you make me feel....
The utter free fall....

I learned these from you....

You are everything I never knew existed...
So much that I never could feel...
You are the completeness in my day...
The contrast to my light....

I love you for these....

You are the reason I write....

E.J.M.

This isn't about material...
It's about the inside..
I like your heart...
I like the courage I see in you..
the goodness in your eyes...
the strength there...
for what you've overcome...
it makes me smile to see that...
the heart of you...
that tough yet fragile part...
and I know that you can make it...
because it's who I believe that you are...

E.J.M.

I never want to lose you..
for weeks I worried that you would just disappear..
that you would be gone without a trace..
that maybe I imagined you..
This beautiful person who made my heart smile..
Then I feared that you would stay..
as my heart fell in love with a person that I can never have...
I wanted to bandaid my heart in the preparation of your leaving..
just rip you out and pretend that we never happened...
I never did...I couldn't bring myself the unknown..
I just stayed....
And then you were gone...with a snap of her fingers...
I floundered...
I became so angry and hurt
this aching hole where my heart had been..
yet I continued to love you..
as days turned into months the aching lessened...
I pushed past and pretended..
I told myself never again...
yet you stopped me...
As I stood there staring in your eyes I knew it'd never be over...
I took your words and held them in my hands...
letting them fall to the ground...
like good luck pennies..
that's all they are ever worth in the end..
You convinced me to stay with the smile and lies..
I still never want to lose you

E.J.M

These broken pieces of what we were...
What we tried to be...
Together..
This is a failure somehow...
I can't fix us... and I no longer want to
I feel all broken inside and missing the thought of the love we had...
I never wanted us to get ugly...
The paints worn off and we are broken...
I still care and that makes it being over. So much worse
I can be broken alone

E. J.M .

how strange I feel when you touch me... It's like you're here with me, but you're not ..you seem so far away... Wish we could stay this way forever, and every time you're here ....we go again... I can't fathom why we do this... Longing to see you.. I can feel my heart breaking yet I can't stop missing you...  never ending ongoing tumultuous events... I feel we should stop but I can't... So I just keep loving you until you break me...

E.J.M.

Just hearing your voice makes my day...
That simple... hi baby
I smile at the sound of your voice....
The how are yous?
The I miss yous and love yous....
That conversation that we never have any more. ..
I miss these conversations....
i miss you...
how i wish i could awake to the sound of your voice. ..
instead I'll wait for the next time you call....
E.J.M.

All that copper skin...
You're so pretty...
Those **** topaz eyes...
So perfectly pretty. ..
Your raven hair...
Intoxicatingly pretty...
when I'm with you..
Is it any wonder you make me feel pretty?

E.J.M.

The essence of your name ....
ignites inside me...

The way you grin....
Sets fireworks off within...

The beauty of your soul...
Burns me whole...

One touch of your skin...
I can't keep this inside me..

I literally glow when I catch sight of who you are.... I love the you that you hide

E.J.M.

The reality of us is that we are going different directions to accomplish the same life....
We live separately but love jointly. ..
I'd like to believe that we loved for a reason.
I'd like to believe that one day we have a real chance at love with ourselves.
I don't know if that is a reality for us...
One day I'll see you again and will love you the same...
But I hope for a different outcome.
I miss your face...
And I carry your heart in my heart...
Until reality sets in....
E.J.M.

We may never have morning....
I accept that...
We must both do what's right for us...
We do two separate plans and hope there's still room for us in the end...
You don't want to lose me to someone else and I don't want to share you anymore....
All we can do is what's right for us individually....
on our separate paths in our own lives...
we can love this way forever....

But we'll never see morning....

E.J.M.

At the end of the day...
I simply wish things were different. ...
That I didn't love you. ..
Maybe that you loved me more...
That we were at a different time...
Maybe that they didn't exist. ..
I'd change it all...
I'm not sure I can love you like this...
Yet I do...
Here's where wishes get you...

E.J.M.

You say you never want to leave....
So don't

E.J.M.

I almost don't want to answer your call...
But maybe you won't call anymore. .
I'm always here and you never are....
Please don't call...
I don't have it in me to not answer....
I love you too much. ..
I want to be done because my heart is breaking. ..please love her...
Just her

E.J.M.

I Want To Forget I'm Missing you...
Want to curl up and cry....
On a day with rain. ..
forget that you ever came...
Forget the lies you told...
forget my heart in all its pieces. ...
just lay curled up in sobbing brokeness. ..
Trying to forget the essence of you in my life...
I'm waiting for rain...

E.J.M.

You've never wished me happy birthday....
I've never missed one...
I suppose that says it all....

E.J.M.