The golden orb of sunrise as it breaks the horizon....
The new fragile sprouts on my plumeria...
The fuzzy baby peaches growing. ..
The sweltering heat of the day...

I think of you.....

As I shower with water beading off of me...
As I pass places we once were...
Another song on the radio. ..
As I make plans for the day...

I think of you....

The sunlight in my grey eyes...
The wind in my hair....
The untaken path...
The rustle of leaves....

I think of you....

The purpling sky...
The fiery setting sun....
The blackest nights....
Under a smattering of a million sparkling stars...

I think of you....

I share these with you in unspoken thoughts....
I ache for you in everything that I do...
The simplest of joys...
Unable to be....

I think of you.....

E.J.M.

The indigo of your ink...
The Cerulean sky overhead...

What if I said stop?
What if I said that I can't anymore???
If I turned and walked away???
If I never took your call again?

Would it matter?
Would you notice?
Would things change?

Stop....

I think of all that would mean ...
I need you more than you need me...
I wonder how long we will go on....

I may never say Stop...
I miss talking to you every day....
Your **** words echo in my heart...



Stop....

E.J.M.

Tthese edges of yours are so sharp...
I cut my hands up every time I touch you...
Maybe you'll stay this time..
Maybe, maybe it's time to wave goodbye now...
As I watch you walk away through the woods...
I have no words to say..
You glance back at me and smile...
I smile & just watch as you disappear...
I never know when you'll return...
Yet I always welcome you with open arms...
There are so many lessons to be learned from this...
If I was already gone.... would you miss me?

E.J.M.

Your beautiful mouth...
The enchanting words that escape when you're in me...
Such beautiful heartbreaking lies...
I live to hear you speak them...
I love that glazed look in your eyes and know you'd tell me anything. ..
Anything to make me happy. ..
To make us better...
I never believe them ...
But ohh that tiniest part of me adores hearing your precious mouth speak them breathing against my neck...
I could live off those words. ..
Those timeless lies...
..... I love you....
........it will be better soon....
I cling to these empty words...
Made in moments of passion...
That fade in the sun only moments later

E.J.M.

I'm made of concrete....
Firm and unbreakable....
I hold up under pressure....
Take all the weight like concrete should....
Then you touch me and I shatter like the fragilest glass....
One touch of your mouth and I'm a million pieces....
How you can break me so easily...
I'm shimmery glittery shards in your hands
I come running to be with you anywhere. ..
Only to fall to bits of sparkling glass when I'm with you...
Touch me again...
as I shatter and fly apart...
I love it when you leave me breathless and shaking...

E.J.M.

One name across the screen...
The melody I chose...
no one is going to love you like I do....
And the butterflies alight. .
That gut reaction happens every time you call
An utter stomach epiphany occurs...
I get giddy and full of butterflies...
They lay dormant inside me until I hear your voice. ..
It's like an eruption of spring. ..
Like a million yellow flowers cascading from the golden Tabebuia  tree....
And I can't stop...
Loving you

E.J.M.

This love affair was never to be...
I can't love you...
I can't allow these tears to fall...
Because he would know I cry for you....
For us and what will never be...
We live as strangers... pretending not to know eachother..
I see you and her together and wonder if she knows I'm still around...
I'm unblocked and I wonder what you or her needed to see...
were you stalking me again?
You appear as someone I might know...
I'm not sure that I do anymore...


E.J.M.

My guarded heart...
tucked safely away...
perfectly where I intended it to stay...
I promised to never feel you...
I promised to never love you..
Yet one day you held my heart in your hands..
I didn't know how...
I'm still not sure why?
How could this happen?
I let you in despite my head...
And **** this is gonna hurt like hell...
My heart went reeling...
No one caught me as I fell..
I wish I'd lose all sense of feeling...
Now I'm left here bleeding...
with nothing but pieces...
and I still want you...

Thanks for breaking my heart....

E.J.M.

As the sun emerges from the horizon...
I think of you..
I drink my coffee and smoke my cigarettes...
watching the orange glow in the sky..
wondering where you are...
I know we see the same pinkish tangerine indigo glory...
I know you are working..
We share this dawn together but apart...
so very apart...
The colors bleed in amazing contrast
The days begun for me in startling brutality...
Your days almost over...
I think of you in these quiet dawning moments...
you creep in upon my thoughts and are held there....
I could sit and think of you for hours...
The colors fade from cerulean to sky...
every now and then..... I give in...
and contemplate the whys.....

E.J.M.

hurt....
I'm still hurt, tho I hide it well...
I miss how we used to be...
The good morning beautifuls...
the 3 am wake up texts...
The constant connection...
You blamed me in this...
You put the failure of us, on me....
The weight of that blame when I know its a lie to save face...still hurts
You never loved me enough...
You knew that you'd never stay...
In the end.. I took that blame
Knowing it for what it is...
You knew I'd adore you anyway so you took that chance...
I still hurt when I think of those words...
They echo often in my head..
I can look at you and smile... the hurt won't show
I can love you and take that pain of knowing where we stand..
I was never enough for you...
But I am so much more
I smile and kiss your mouth despite this...
I just wanted you to know that it hurts...
That you burned me well this time around..
in your goal to be adored....

E.J.M.

I dreamed of you last night
I had to call you...
Which is something I would never do..
There was an urgency about it...
In this dream, I had to talk to you...
So I broke the unspoken rules...
And she answered the phone.
We exchanged sarcastic pleasantries. ..
Both knowing the other...
What we both are..
I asked her to tell you I'd called..
Knowing she wouldn't. ..
I awoke unsettled....
Feeling like I need to speak to you...
Wishing I could call you like I do in my dreams
I won't call....


Maybe you will....

E.J.M.

In this world...
Filled with millions of people..
Vast mountains..
Oceans and deserts...
Of all the places and people. .
I can't help but think we were meant to find each other....
In this chaotic disarray. .
You Found me..
You stared at me from across the street and my whole world changed...
How fascinating to have found me repeatedly. ..
Of everyone I pass every day. ...
utter strangers....
Yet there you are time and again
Parts of you meant for my heart....
we were meant from the start...

E.J.M.

I don't need to see you everyday to love you...
I love you more than that .
I don't need to speak to you daily...
I can love you the way we are...
This isn't enough...
But it is
I love you deeply...
Deeper than the selfish need of having you here..
Love this giving is more than you and I

E.J.M.

your body is a canvas...
The most beautifully painted art...
You've tattooed meaningful beauty all over it..
The words across your chest intrigue me...
And how you grieve for Mary..
the blackest ink and shades of grey...
the Love on your ribcage..
the Metal on your leg...
the roses across ..and Jesus
The colors & details  ...
all the reasons that make you who you are...
I love to trace them with my fingers...
Love the way they look imprinted on your body...
You're so ****...

E.J.M

How do we continue this separated love affair?
the days go by...
week by week...
Month by month...
its been almost two years since we met on the side of the road...

We used to talk all the time incessantly....
Now we don't talk at all...
I cannot reach you...
If something happened to you... I would never know
I find it interesting the way that we are...
The way we exist..
The way we still love...

How can we be so separate yet come together so flawlessly?
How do you make me feel so beautiful?
the sound of your name makes my legs weak...

E.J.M.

We are complete strangers living separate lives...
I don't know what you did this weekend...
what you ate for breakfast this morning..
If you feel sad..
I know so very little about your life...
I don't know if you slept poorly last night..
had a bad day...
I don't know any day to day details anymore about who you are.

I still know who you are inside tho...
I know what makes you tick..
makes you happy..
I know your need to be adored..
I know your heart and how it sounds inside your chest...
The rise and fall of your breath..
I know your eyes when they catch mine ...
how they look when you say I love you...
How your smile melts my heart...
I don't think we can really be strangers ever again...

E.J.M.

I spoke of you today..
My chest got tight and I wanted to cry..
I never speak of you..
There's no one to listen... or to understand
Someone asked today...
And I spoke of you for real...
Of us and how we were...
It was strange and tight in my heart. ..
To have kept silent so long..
Never speaking and to suddenly open up felt strange. ..
That tightness in my chest still remains

E.J.M.

It's those grey days where I need you the most...
The cloudy skies and bitter cold...
Make me think of you..
Are you working?  
Are you out in it wishing for the sun?
I worry of you wet in the rain...
These Grey days...
Where I wish to curl up with you...
You cross my mind more frequently in the rain
I remember once when we'd talk...
It was pouring on me..and sunny on you
When it's grey I wonder if it's grey for you too?

E.J.M.

I want to hold your  hand. .
I want to spend hours with you...
I want to lay naked in your arms
And wake up with you..
I want to make you coffee
And have breakfast in bed...
I want to spend days
Instead of mere moments. ..
I want to do all the things you do with her..
I want to kiss you every morning. .
I want to call you whenever I want....
I want so much...
Yet take so very little
But most of all...I want you happy....
I'll take these moments and make them last..


E.J.M.

A fortunate happenstance.....

crying, screaming, driving....
paying no mind to anyone...
and suddenly I see your smile..
I could only stare..
I rolled my window down to hear you...
You asked me to pull over & talk...
From that moment on..
I've followed you everywhere...
I gave you my card & you promised to call...
Not a day that goes by
since our chance meeting have I stopped thinking of you.
You are my serendipity...
You came in my life at the worst moment...
You came shining in & stealing my heart...
months passed & we soaked up eachother...
learning every detail of our lives..
colors and coffee & eggs..
Steaks, showers &  tattoos....
Mexican & heat & woods...
then there was nothing...
just absence of space..
A void that you left in the hole in my chest...


And when you are gone...
I miss you so much...
Until I look up and see you driving next to me again...

E.J.M.

you always tell me pretty words to make us seem real..
offer up plans that we'll do that never come thru..
The one days, the maybes , the promises...
you are a spawner of hope..
Giving up lies that have never been asked...
I understand why you do it...
you make this grandiose romance..
Star crossed lovers..
Romeo & Juliet...
but...
I know what we are...
I know how this ends...
I know where we're going ..
no picket fences..
no happy endings..
no forevers...
just day by day...
moment by moment..
kiss by fleeting kiss..
just here & now..
I take you as you are without the pretty lies...
what 's that say about me?

E.J.M.

"He'll never be yours...."
"Never truly" she says
"in the ways that you need.."
and I agree...
yet I explain
"he's sun in the windowless cell"
"the break in the clouds when it has been raining for days"
"that warm sunny day in the middle of snow"
"he's what I hang on to when there's no place to go"
"he's the one human being that I feel in my soul"
So in a way...
He's already mine.....

wouldn't you say?

E.J.M.

I never want to lose you..
for weeks I worried that you would just disappear..
that you would be gone without a trace..
that maybe I imagined you..
This beautiful person who made my heart smile..
Then I feared that you would stay..
as my heart fell in love with a person that I can never have...
I wanted to bandaid my heart in the preparation of your leaving..
just rip you out and pretend that we never happened...
I never did...I couldn't bring myself the unknown..
I just stayed....
And then you were gone...with a snap of her fingers...
I floundered...
I became so angry and hurt
this aching hole where my heart had been..
yet I continued to love you..
as days turned into months the aching lessened...
I pushed past and pretended..
I told myself never again...
yet you stopped me...
As I stood there staring in your eyes I knew it'd never be over...
I took your words and held them in my hands...
letting them fall to the ground...
like good luck pennies..
that's all they are ever worth in the end..
You convinced me to stay with the smile and lies..
I still never want to lose you

E.J.M

I want to trace the curve of your lips...
with my own..
explore your rounded earlobes with my teeth..
the metallic of your earrings in my mouth..
and feel you exhale against my jaw...
The salt on the skin of your neck after work...
I taste you and you overwhelm me...
I want to run my fingers over your rib cage and feel you shudder...
the color of your tanned skin against mine..
the tattooed covered arms that embrace me and save my soul...
I cant stop touching you..
I want so much...
I want to trace your body with my fingertips forever...
to fall into the depths of you and drown...
you are perfection...
My skin tingles and my legs go weak..
I will do this again & again..

we break every rule....

E.J.M

The bluest sky...
The greenest trees..
The silver glint on your ears catches fire in the burning sun..
Your topaz eyes shimmery as they meet mine.
The blackest coal of your hair ruffled by the wind..
All I see is you..
The Sienna skin...
You are in technicolor in front of me..
I just want to touch you forever....
Like this..
In radiant color

E.J.M.

We are imperfection personified....
A meeting of catastrophic events...
A whirlwind of moments....
A cyclonic tidal wave...
Never to be
A once in a moment glance..
Yet we both took a chance...
You took my hand and said jump...
The longest crash I've ever had...
As I stand here before you exposed to my core
I continue to fall
how can someone who'll never be mine hold my soul in his hands?
the unasked questions go unanswered. ..
another day..another breathless moment
We are an explosion. ..
Your eyes catch mine and see me as I am
I continue to smolder....

E.J.M.

What a perfect mouth on that perfect face...
Flawless pressed against my skin. ..
My version of heaven....
Adoring parts of me...
A simple mouth that shatters me to pieces...
I fall at your feet...
That smile that lights my world on fire.
God gave you such a perfect mouth....
Such perfect words you speak..
They make my heart smile.
the roughness upon those lips...
the fervent kisses lighting across the small of my neck...
you know every inch of me...
I miss you even before you're gone...
You devour me absolutely. ..
Does she feel the same?

E.J.M.

How does one heart love two?
How can you touch me like this?
We are the words..the touch. .the kisses..
The air that I breathe. ..
The beating inside me....
that make my life...
But it's half. .. half mine...half hers
Everything we are is split...
Divided in moments. ..
Perpetual grasping at time we don't have...
Always wanting more
Always wanting you...
don't stop loving me...

E.J.M.

The fever I feed in you..
The pieces I protect...
The windows to your soul...
The darkness....
The fever pitch...
Your highest high...
Your lowest low..
I gather the pieces to paint a portrait of who you are...
Of who you are to me...
We are pieces of each other....
Some reflect mirror image desires
Others completely divergent....
We are pieces... millions of pieces combined in a life
Two people that fit spaces that others can't
You are just pieces of me fit together differently....

E.J.M.

Heavy clouds....misting rain
A fleeting glimpse of green so bright
Pines in rows...
Muddy tracks...
Leading you to me and taking you back.
Fallen leaves..
Whistling wind echoes off the stillness. .
Goosebumps on my skin
Sienna grass full of burs...
A pierce in my finger of impending pain
And I wait...
Until the sun peeks through
And you are there..with the boyish smile
And dancing eyes
The glimmer of who you are,
the edge of who you were..
the softness of who you are to me....
In this beautiful place with this beautiful soul....
not a minute too soon or too late...
I will always wait

E.J.M

Skin to skin...
Heart to beating heart...
3 o'clock shadow scraping my jaw...
Swollen lips trail up my neck..
Teeth against skin..
The urgency of it all.
And the eyes never waiver...
I drown in them
It's a free fall I've come to love...
It's the semi violence
The uncontained ferventcy...
There's a roughness you barely contain.
Like I save you... We drown together gasping for air...
Our every breath ...each other....

E.J.M

I think often what if?
In regards to you...
If I'd met you sooner...
If they didn't exist...
If I'd never stopped. .
If you'd never chased. ..
If I loved you less...
If you loved me more..
If I lived closer....
If I didn't gasp at the scrape of your teeth on my ear..
Would we still be?
Would we be more?
To love you this deep... the way that we are...
I can't imagine us any other way...
I can't imagine my life if you stay....
The what ifs don't matter when I touch your skin...
When you whisper my name I'm drawn in again

E.J.M.

Your topaz eyes stare into my shimmery blue...
I catch my breath, waiting for your words...
We met our match..
Me breathless, you sincere
We never end...
Like a smoldering flame
You always come back...I always remain
We burn with an intensity. ..
We burn everything around us..
I give, you take...
In the end we are back again. ...
Your eyes burn into mine...
The memory etches fire in my heart..
Till I see you again

E.J.M.

Where You are..
Where I am...
Headed in separate directions....
At different times, on different days...
Our lives intersect ever so briefly....
A fleeting moment...
A whispering chance....
The briefest collision.
Eye contact made...words spoken
We divide
again.
Go our separate ways.....
never knowing when we intersect again.

Be careful with me...
I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way.
I remember every word you say to me...
I absorb your words and that look in your eyes when you look at me.
One look at your face and I'm gone....
all drowned in the meaning of you,
of what you say with your eyes.
The way my heart pounds
and my world spins out of control when you are near.
I had thought that the anger and hurt of you..
would lessen that feeling of utter absoluteness.
I trust you instinctively, completely
I fear getting lost in you again.....
I fear losing you again despite that you are not mine to lose.....
I still carry your heart in my heart...
I still embrace it everyday...
If I never see you or hear from you again
I will still love you forever....

E.J.M

Is it wrong to want you still?
After everything....
and I cave with the slightest touch of your hand....
I've made no conscious decision to touch you again.
But I know in my heart that I would....
Regarding you, I have no conscience...no remorse...no judgment...
no thought of repurcussion...
What is it about Us that does this to me every time?????

E.J.M

And all that looking for you....and there you were.
Just as you've always been.
And my gut clenched.. and my heart dropped....
and you waited.
You chased me again....
Against my better judgment, I stopped
How could I not?
The one thing that I've wanted most for 4 **** months.......
Hugging you completely undid me...
All that hurt and loss, overwhelmingly hit me and
I couldn't stop......

E.J.M.

I do this because it is the only thing I do for me....
My most selfish moments are spent with you....

E.J.M

How many places have I walked on, that you have created?
You are everywhere...yet no where.....
below my feet...in my sight...
always in my head, always thrown back in there, in my head.
I bet you never think of me.....I'll never know

E.J.M.