You've got me unsettled with this talk of change...
As much as I love you I'm afraid you're jumping ship for the wrong reasons. ..
I want you to leave because you love you..
Not for me...
Not for her...
For you...
Because you have been unhappy in this life...
I'm unsettled...
I only want what's best for you. ..

E.J.M.

So I realized that I love you..
Finding this hurts.  
So much to say...
Yet nothing can be done..
I love you and realized I always have...
And you are there... and I am here...
So far apart..
And I'm not sure you feel the same..
Finding this hurts because I don't want to change us.  
But I do...
I want to know you like a lover would...
I want to know you intimately...
I can't breach our boundaries....
Finding this hurts...
I miss you so badly..  I'm achingly aware of the loss of you...

E.J.M.

Look me in the eye
and tell me a story
Don't start to cry
You shouldn't worry

No words need to be spoken
No actions need to be done
We are all broken
Each and every one

Let me see your eyes
Let me look close
You cannot disguise
the plot that you compose

I look in yours
You look in mine
Inside I see the universe
Planets, galaxies and  stars that shine

I see secrets and memories
Knowledge and emotions
I see chaos and peace
Stillness and motion

I see creativity and imagination
Reality all twisted
I see boredom and fascination
My perception of things have shifted

I see talent and passion
interest and hobbies
I see love and compassion
family and priorities

I see beliefs and ethics
morals and history
I see facts and academics
books and their story

I see insecurities and broken hearts
wars and self doubt
I see a collection of your art
And things you never told me about

I break the connection
comprehending what I saw
All the beauty and complexion
Left me in awe

I told myself not to think about you again
I waited this long for my heart to mend
But when your eyes charr into mine
I fall
   fall
     fall—
treacherous.

And I fall
    fall
       fall—
precarious.

And i fall and fall and fall and—
I choose to be perilous
I choose to be hurt
I choose our love, incredulous
And I opt for the painful curt

It isn't about the outcome...
It's about the time in between. .
I love you so much and always have..
To bridge that distance..
I'm so afraid of saying how I feel about you to you..
I haven't stopped thinking of you yet...
I wonder what your doing now that I've left...
And I'm counting days to November. .
I just want to see you again alone.. without all this space
I want to take the chance to know you differently...
I want that chance more than anything. ..
I hope I get this chance to love you more..
no matter the outcome

E.J.M.

I'm lost in the relevance of you...
Of holding you in the dark.. Tracing little circles...
Of waking up to your coffee... as
I sat on your couch and we watched the news... my head against your shoulders
I realized that I've always loved you in this way... a shocking epiphany...
To love someone for 20 years and never have them... to never know that's what this was...
And now I know... I can do nothing about it...
You are there and I am here... so far away
There's so much space between us..
I sat there staring at your face and realized that I've loved you from that very first time I met you...
As I sobbed on the plane last night... leaving you and the knowledge that you are the one that I'll never have....
And all I want is a different life with you... waking up next to you with 8 more minutes to sleep...
Feeling you holding your breath as I run my fingers across your chest in the cool blackness....
I'm burning these moments in my most precious memories....
Wanting you to call and say " please come back to Boston".....
I'm missing you so much already...

E.J.M.