living is useless
-
what's the use of being good
when we don't exist anymore

Twirl of shyness
Going closer than recoiling back harsher than ever
Leaving the aftermath of a tangled heart
So now you become like this after all that?
Why? ANSWER ME WHY
We twisted and twirled so perfectly together
Delicate tendrils of belonging entwined around us
You cut the tendrils like you would ****
But weeds grow back again
And grow they did.

I am in mourning
because you have not died

Maybe tomorrow you'll know...

i say writing is one of my ultimate passions and i'm always called out on my ability at English when i'm at college and people who appreciate my work but i struggle to get what's in my mind out and it's the worst struggle ever i mean i'm not exactly shy of expressing myself in fact i might sometimes overly express myself so what's the problem here?

How did I end up here again

i can't word this, i can't word anything i'm just at a loss
anger will destroy us all

I've really ****** myself over
So much potential wasted
Because I wasn't careful with time
I played with time
I felt like I controlled it
When really
I'm a slave to time

Repeat the process

did you ever wake up and think, i'm going to paint my lips today, i want to sugarcoat them x

i see your hands as a tree
your fingers being both the branches and the roots
the foundation and the being
your veins, the bark
blood, tree sap
my skin on your hand
soil next to a tree

im just trying to live a different life

i like to play
play games
play with my words
with minds
manipulate
twist
ensnare
control

looking . i'm always looking for something
always tracing those lines on a chipped mirror, looking for the x that marks the spot

just to feel something
just to feel something
just to feel something

i feel something

do you feel something?
because that feeling left for me as fast as it came
i just can't quite hold on to it

I want to play a game with you
A twisted and deranged game
A strange, unknown pastime

i'm impatient yet carefully calculated
rash but completely under control
everything moves fast
time, my breathing, my thoughts, sheer motion but it's blurred in complete stillness
it's infiltrating and wondrous
easy to get lost in, hard to complicate

The warmth of our passion
It sparked and I enjoyed the whiplash of fire looking forward to each time you burned me
For the pain against pain
Null.

Well ****

Is perception a form of injustice?

I'm just so complex I find it hard to hold on to the understanding that I have of myself

i'm a very happy person
i'm just frustrated
that doesn't add up
haha ain't nothin positive about this

im seeking something, always searching for that one thing that's is right in front of me

You set my soul on fire

Sharing thoughts with complete strangers to either criticise, chew on, dismiss or appreciate or just an outlet that everyone can find solace in. Whether you are the writer, the reader, the dreamer, the listener.....

And in the end, nothing will ever matter

A feeling of elation
When you think back to old memories
We all love who we used to be
It makes me smile
And the people that I used to be around
It makes me sad to live in the past
But it makes me even sadder to live in the present
And just half sad when I think about the future
Because the future is always better
But it's sad sometimes
When you know that one day
The future will just be another sad present

I speak from experience, whether it's to be mentally, physically or a figment of my imagination, I speak from experience.

if you catch me with my tongue on my teeth, don't bother looking at me twice

A form of creation craves creation

inherently creepy please back away *****
i'm just a *******

was it real?

i'm scared and i'm on edge

I feel stuck

Do you think I’m crazy?

waiting for someone to turn the key

Can we trace the lines on this broken mirror and find our way home?

to be by your side
is such a lovely place to cry

I think the worst thing about the way I’m living these days is that my self destruction isn’t even fun

picture this
i'm bounding through a wood chipped floor forest
in america
everything is a deep green
with a picture of natural brown amalgamated with the black i mistake for brown
i shouldn't be seeing in colour
it's not something my species is used to
i'm only focused on myself
only i matter
primal,
animalistic ,
survival,
human

Why has nostalgia got such a chokehold on me?????

somewhere between the drink that burns my throat and Anderson Paak's voice, i find my thoughts drifting to the same place they always do

can anyone hear me?
or am i just screaming in to the void

Just for one day
please
i just don't want to think

please
i need it to stop
i need to breathe

i need time on my own
to recover and become whole again

give me time
give me space to breathe

i wonder just how much our distance broke us
grey thoughts to red actions to nothing
a flame that barely licks at me now
a single flame
i don't always feel it
sometimes it burns
sometimes i notice it

but never mind

please tell me how i've managed to forge a connection like this with you
i'm just screaming on the inside
funny how i don't even know whether im talking about a person or a little habit i can't kick
whatever you are
you make me feel empty, intoxicated, and completely willing to give myself over
a little tilt of the head, maybe i'll throw in some empty eye action
and just hold myself, my arms draped across the most sensitive parts of my body
at most, caressing my neck

looking at the shattered tea cup on the floor feels so familiar
do you think if I reached out to touch it, that I would feel a gentle caress on my own skin?
-
if I swept it up
and heard it drag across across the floor
would I make a sound? what if I moaned ever so lightly?
how would that make you feel?
-
and if I left the shattered pieces to just lay there
would you pick them up?
I imagine you standing over them
towering, with your 6ft frame
-
I know you would see the beauty in the mess
you might smile
you might bend down for a closer look
maybe you would even touch me
of course you would
-
maybe I would ask you to
maybe I would beg for you to pick up a piece
maybe I would scream for you to clench your first around it and feel the stabbing pain that comes with blood flow

-
in the hallway of our minds place lays a shattered tea cup
and in the palm of our hands lays a piece of it
and in the gaze of our eye is one another
and the only name on your lips is mine

on a Sunday afternoon I told him that I love him
it took him by surprise
but he said he loves me too
and I know that he truly meant it

I meant it too
I felt every emotion that comes with love and I felt it deeply
It does not matter to me that I have no idea whether it’s platonic or romantic love
It’s still love
And it felt good…it feels good
I went where my emotions lead me to and for once it wasn’t to a dark place

I feel happy
A love that’s not defined
It’s just pure

A person once said to me ‘what is love?’ and they didn’t ask it as a question because it just can’t be questioned
and at the time I didn’t understand but I do now

there isn’t an answer or a definition

today a tear slipped down my face, out of happiness
I have learnt a lot of lessons and I’m glad that I stayed alive to learn them and to keep feeling

I will complain about life tomorrow but at least I felt today. At least I have the hope that I will feel again another day

Thank you for letting me feel the warm rays of happiness on my skin once again

scarily too good to be true
i see through it
it feels good
to see it
to read it

you're the closest thing i ever had to intimacy , maybe that's why i refuse to let go
every part of me is sickened by you
but i crave you in equal measure

do i love you because i love you?
or do i love you because you've been here since i was a child?
because i don't know anything else but you?

you're the closest thing to home
the thing is, home to me has always been somewhere i've ran away from
but i never forget home

\ i could really use a friend
just this once