And when we argue and fight, all I know is love
When I'm not your priority, all I know is love
When you're smiling and I'm dialing, all I know is love
When you're crying and I'm fuming, all I know is love

Please don't teach my heart to hate
Even when this strong feeling begins to abate
I'll just hope time is on my side and love won't be late
All alone in my somber coldness, I'll have to wait

And when I don't fit the description of a perfect lover, all I know is love
And when my inadequacies are all you see, all I know is love
When there's another heart filling you up in the dark, all I know is love
When you don't have time to see me, all I know is love

Please don't teach my heart to hate
Even when this strong feeling begins to abate
I'll just hope time is on my side and love won't be late
All alone in my somber coldness, I'll have to wait

When I cannot be there to share the care and long stares, all I feel is love
When I cannot kiss you, other lips should bruise you and if that kiss does confuse you, all I still feel is love
Even when your youth leads you to selfishness and contains you in your pride, I'm proud to still love you
And when I cannot afford to purchase threads to keep you warm or jewels to decorate your glamour, My heart is still yours as a treasure...

Please don't teach my heart to hate
Even when this strong feeling begins to abate
I'll just hope time is on my side and love won't be late
All alone in my somber coldness, I'll have to wait

And when there's nothing left to give, I'll wish you happiness I cannot seed
And when my actions of affection are forgotten, may the fading picture fly to the stars, where the moon will manufacture a new chance
And when I am not the lover you dreamed of, I hope leaving you will pave the way for your true King's kingdom.

Under these lights I'm honest.
Every flaw, every imperfection
shows true, like raw footage of a plane
crashing into the ground,
showing everything that went wrong.

They show me who I really am,
and what everyone sees:
Chipped, coffee-stained teeth,
frayed, wiry brown hair,
small, deep brown eyes,
every scratch, every scar
every razor-burned pore,
everything I try to ignore
in other rooms of the house.

It explains why I buy lamps
with dimming shades and
warm, dark-yellow bulbs:
The less you can see of me,
the longer it'll be before
you go on rushing out,
jingling keys, clutching a cocktail dress.

A best-friend before my lover,
A calm before the storm,
Faithful before Faithless,
Painless before painful.

Don't worry, I'll be fine.
I can bury this and move on
just like I do with everything else.
I'll just have to dig
a bigger hole this time.

They say if you look at the sun too long,
An image of it is burned in your eyes,
Well, I must have looked at you too long,
‘Cause your image is a 3rd degree burn,
And every second I spend breathing,
I see you.
I feel you.
I ache you.
I bleed you.
I need you.
I gauge you.

But I run.
I run from you.
And I hate myself.
Every length of my being.
I hate myself because,
You are me.


-April 21st 2013

Hey big brother, I want you to know
that every morning I wake up and think of you.
I wake up and think of how I'd hurt you if I go.

Hey big brother, I need you to say
that everything will be alright,
and that you need me to stay.

Hey big brother, I know sometimes you're sad.
Just remember I'll always be here for you
if things get really bad.

Hey big brother, I just need to say
that if you ever leave me,
I'll miss you every day.

Hey big brother, I need you to know
that I love you more than anything.

Please, don't ever go.

You stared back at me
Smiling
No care in the world
So naive of how ugly you'd become
Unaware of how your life would change
In a matter of just a few years

Your free time consumed of
Hospitals
Blades
Hatred
And sorrow
All combined into one pill
That you take every morning

I'm trying you promise
But I know you just want it all to end
You've become accustomed to being unhappy
Your picture of beauty is not what you see in the mirror
All because of things said to you
Drilled into your brain
Like little nails holding your thoughts together

You spend you nights hurting
Yet you can't cry anymore
You've cried enough tears for two lifetimes
But it never seemed like enough

You'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Because at least that means you're still alive

You're heart's still pumping
Lungs still breathing
Feet still taking steps
Closer and closer to the edge of reality
Losing you sanity
And faith in humanity
Your head spinning in circles
Making you feel so dizzy
That you pulled the trigger

Lowered ten feet under
Into the dirt you barely walked on
So young at heart
But your soul aged too fast

I still hear your voice
I still smell your perfume
I hear your laugh across the room
And so I run to it
Only to find
Nothing

Every year that goes by
I forget more and more about you
Trying to grasp your tiny chubby fingers
So that I don't lose myself
The way I lost you

But just like that
I'm in the same place as you
And you know that means
*I'll never be back

I write about it a lot,
but the truth is
love is fleeting.

Like a bird
that lands on a lamppost
it will remain for only a moment.
Before departing;
spreading it's wings
and flying to a new heart.