Who would have thought
When all I wanted
Was for things to be easy.
That you so easy
You so easily read
You so simple
So one dimensional
So realistically there or not there
Would bore me to death.
Who would have thought
That all I thought I wanted
Was nothing more
Than the grandest illusion
The one I had before you.

That instead
I’d crave
The great Perhaps
The great indefinitely maybe
The perhaps not entirely attainable.
That perhaps, in this time and that place and this time around
I’ll finally find it.
Find that which I’ve always been looking for.
That I'll finally see what was always right in front of me.
What was always supposed to be.

That I’d get off my high horse.
And admit
That you stole me the day we met.
That I was inevitably yours from day one.
That we were the perfect mystery,
That unsolvable equation
And tell you that you were the X factor
The spark that starts the fire.
And you were always
The only one.

My only one.

What do you do
when you realize
your life as you know it
is a cardboard cutout,
a dollhouse scene,
Of what your life should be.
Of what it once was.

The people in my life are characters
A backdrop in the place of reality.
Scenery behind my doorstep.
Photographic fire in the fireplace.
Tiny kitchen cutlery that isn’t sharp.
Staged people in my living room
at literally, a lifeless party.
A fantastic picturesque magazine spread in Southern Living.

And I am a part of this falseness.
I am a creator of this un-reality.
I am a willing participant in this stagnant stage of my life.

This life, this love, this truth
Is a figment
Is a dream
Is a scene of a scene.

I remember when green was green
And blue was blue
And I breathed in newness in every breathe.
Reality bowed down in servitude
And I took every step into a setting sun
The world around me, my partner in crime
As I took it by storm.

The tragedy here
Is knowing that life and love and truth barren
Is knowing it naked
As it really is.
As it really was.

And knowing that you’ve settled for the cardboard cutout
is recognizing you’ve given up.
You’ve settled for second best.
You’re taking the doll house route to life.
You’d rather watch the movie than live it out.
It’s cowardice at its best.

Why do we
keep drinking
out of the bottle
with the skull and crossbones
when we've
seen enough
to know
it’ll **** us
sooner or later.

Open your eyes, boy,
I think we are saved.
Took a walk over the bridge above troubled water
Got to the other side
Got to the other side.

Silent Hail Marys over and over again.
Counting beads.
Fingers running over them beads.
Muttering.
Muttering the same thing again.

Mother, I am weak, but I am strong.
I am no longer young;
I am an old man’s daughter.
Who understands less now than when she started.

He’s still walking up and down those streets
Doesn’t know what he’s doing that for.
I asked him why
He said it’s hard living with ghosts
In someone else’s tomorrow.

We are water
We are water
We are water.
I want life to
Give me
what the water gave me.

Take me down to the levy
Take me down to the stream.
I wanna be like old John and
Wash my sins away.
The choir of gospel singers
Moved me down
Down to the river.

Father can you forgive your son?
I’m a fallen apostle
Carrying the sins of Cain.
Take me down to the River Jordan
To take me away.
Gunna wade in the water.
Gunna come home again.
To the house of Gold
Under a dark, deep blue sea.

My classy *** ragtime notes
Can pound yo dub step trippin’ beats any day.

You’re techno,
I’m folk.

You gotta wear neon to be seen.
Man, they can see me from the moon.

You spend two hours getting dressed
I roll out of bed and still look this fly.

Your hat points in a different direction than your nose.
Mine is the same one my grandfather wore.

Your pants are falling off your ***.
Mine are held up with suspenders.

You try so hard.
I kind of feel bad for you.

Girl, you a fraud.
And I’m the real deal.

You tried to hide you’re in love with my guy.
I kind of wanted to **** you.

You kind of did me a favor.
He was just as bad as you.

Thanks for showing me
That I can do better than Dub Step.

Hands shaking
****** burning.
This is how we are today.
Tomorrow, we’re something else.

Body trembling
Heart pounding
We’re in love today
I ******* hate you tomorrow.

Glass emptying
Bar hopping
Broken hearts club gathers today
Tomorrow, we cry alone in bed.

Stars falling
World changing
Today I’m kicking ***.
Tomorrow the sinking feeling returns to my stomach.

Admissions Essay
Studying with wine.
Dreams of yesterday
Are coming back today.

Uncertain future
Forgotten wants
You **** up everything today
And I keep you anyways.

Battered heart
Love warrior
You cannot break me so stop trying
Tomorrow I’ll be better.