you only ever call --
when she doesn't answer
to your pleas.
i pick up anyway,
just to hear
a voice --
one that won't
choose me.

I told her I missed her
In that I spoke the truth
La Florida the Land of Flowers
Long lost youth

Lonely as I age
Slowly. Patience. Please.
Time tick tocks
Can't make it freeze

               long disease

Heart racing
Limbs shaking
Ears throbbing
Stomach revolting
How do I just calm down
And stop thinking of it
When all I can think is what if

I can’t breathe
I can’t stay at ease
I can’t just let things go
Because anxiety won’t let go of me

I stop talking to everyone
I stop going out
Maybe it’ll make me feel better
But anxiety is getting the better of me

I’m losing control
Why can’t you see it
Maybe it’s just in my head
But why does that make it unreal

I am but just a slave to my anxiety
And I just can’t get free.

And I'm cold in my bed
Tired
Pillow covered in tears because that's where they're used to falling
And I just want to be loved

And I know I am by my friends
And my family
But I want to be stuck in someone's head
And I want them to rub my arm and make me a little bit less cold
And maybe have my tears land on their shoulder instead

I want to be the poem and not the poet for once

I’m swimming in a deep ocean
Water in my ears
Mind spinning, drunk on bad omens
Getting harder and harder to hear

Repeating this swim despite my pleas
Changing currents fast
My oxygen depletes
And I’m stuck in the tangled trash

the other fish Are thriving well
Why is it only me?
Everyone else, feeling swell
While I am lost at sea

Like wild trees,
people branch out
fiercely—unconscious.

Some limbs reach
for light,
while others curl
into shadow.

Each one is growing
in their own time.
It’s never about you.

Don’t be bothered
by the thorns they wear.
A tree must grow them—
it’s part of its nature,
like armor,
like a dress.