About some even years ago,
someone was born,
and on the eighth of May,
they have been sworn,
into the sweetest thing they ever could be,
because it's finally their sweet sixteenth.

The last girl I kissed told me I have a heart like a colander,
it is 2007 and I have not met you yet
there was no reason for my feelings to be wet grounds in coffee filter
I had yet to need the caffeine, but with you,
it lays there soaking
more than five years of boiling into unattractive brown sequins.

I am still kind of the same: still hear
pinecones hitting the roof and think that rain is falling
still dream about ******* in front of my biggest infatuation.

My heart still strains a bunch of gunk, I think it could be a kidney too
but now it simmers for a while first and stores
images in locket cases, now sometimes I believe in love,
it is 2013 and my name means serene
yours is “wealth” for every bit of love you can collect, are keeping.

The last girl I kissed would not believe I gave any at all
I even rejected the sea
because inside every conch, I heard creatures who could touch me
if I would just climb into their shell-walled places.

When I was thirteen, I attempted to cook pasta without water,
this was also when I was obsessed with
cutting every photograph in my mother’s reserve
either to display it on my white plaster door or to **** those pictured.
I murdered eight different family members and myself
nine times without even sending them through a paper shredder.

I am still kind of the same:
though I soak everything up before I can throw it away.

Imagine
Create
Look at the world with
Wonder
Believe
Trust

Then,
Insults
Rejection
Confusion
Why?

­Attempt
Friendship
Acceptance
Happiness

Encounter
Insults
Rejection
Confusion
Reality
Why?

Attempt
Attempt
Attempt

Failure

Depression­
Drugs
Alcohol
Anxiety

Attempt
Death
Encounter
Failure

Again and
Again and
Again

Re-evaluate
Consider
a Future

Try
Try
Again

They told her love was perishable
so she drew a knife to her chest.
Slashed two diagonal slits across
the underside of her breast.

Pulled the slightly pulsing *****
out from her bloodstained body,
to stop herself from lustful thoughts
or from playing naughty.

Grew up older, misplaced her trust,
and mistook loving for simple lust;
she hadn't found love, that sad old geezer,
because she had stowed her heart in the freezer.

This is how it's supposed to be.
Uninspired and lost.
Like someone threw me over a cliff and told me to fly.
I'm in need of things I never learned.
Or maybe the knowledge is there but it's buried beneath the birth dates of a thousand dead men.
I'm too old for this but too young for that.
Stop acting like a child.
You think you are so mature, don't you?
I thought this feeling would be left behind in my middle school halls
stuck in a dried and blackened piece of gum.
"You're an adult when you turn 18" is one of the biggest lies anyone will tell you.
I'm am now 18 and I can promise you I'm no less of a child than I was yesterday,
a week, a month, or a year before that.
Ill-prepared is an understatement.
In math they never told me how to balance a check book.
In English, never did they even bring up writing a resume.
Science danced around *** and why so much of this things in my text book conflicted with my bible.
They taught me how to memorize but never how to think.
They taught me how to listen but never how to talk.
They taught me how to do but never how to create.
They taught me how to write but never how to end a poem.

She doesn't understand
How he loves her....
How she's one of the reasons why he gets up in the morning
How she can put a smile on his face
She doesn't realize how special she is
How his face lights up when he sees hers
And how dazzled he is when she smiles....

He can only hope
That she, someday, may have feelings for him too.