just want

to kiss
you

and hug
you

and be with
you

Always

You
light up my
World

you told me that this
is who you are
hope
you chose the word to define you
for now and eternity
and to be honest
I think it's fitting.

you told me that,
by telling me your word
you were showing me your
trust
in me, and that it would be a secret safe
between us.

what I didn't tell you, though, was that
all hope comes with a certain degree of
naivety
and I'm just sorry
you gave your hope away
to me.

I went to therapy
to feel human again
but now I find myself feeling
less alive
than before.

any hope I ever had left long ago
lost in the wind
a kite with a broken string
the scissors held in the trembling hands
of my mother
and now she wonders
where the child she once loved
has gone
and I don't have the heart
to tell her
that she burned the kite with a
gas station zippo lighter
and the ashes were poured
into a glass
of merlot.

No one chooses to be sad
Except for the attention seekers.
I didn't become sad for fun
My doctor even said I might have a form of depression.
It's like you're running up these stairs that never end or
You're trapped in a box and someone says they're trying to help you but
They keep the ladder a secret.
You can't just 'decide' to be happy
Or sad.
The only reason I saw the light was because
Of certain people.
And if you still think that
Sadness is something you just 'decide' to do
Then try to remember how I was in the beginning of the year:
I was happy,
I ran for president,
I had a boyfriend.
i felt so important

All of that is gone.

Who would want to get rid of that?
Not me.

But I'm getting better,
And everything will get better.

If you hurt me,
Why are you my remedy?
If I love you,
Would you call it insanity?

I've kissed girls
In my head
Many times.
Never in real life but
In my head, yeah.
They're usually a model or a friend like
Cara Delevingne or
Skylar.
But well,
It'll never happen because
Eh,
I'm crazy.

I think I have more of a chance with
Cara though personally.
I'll just make out with someone else
Until then.