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maxine Jun 2015
And sometimes the people in your life you thought you needed to survive, aren't all that significant after all.
maxine Jul 2015
It’s odd how the ugly in some can bring out the beauty in others.

As when someone makes you upset and you try to find the good in people or the world, and you turn around and there is a sunset, or a flower.

Just beauty in it’s simplest form, jumping out at you in the most insignificant way.

Making your skies not so grey.
Posted this on Tumblr as well and figured you all should see it too. :)
maxine Jun 2015
She conjured up the most beautiful blade.
And cut into the most beautiful thing.
Herself.
maxine Jun 2015
Life experiences make good stories.
So I suppose I'm a great story teller.
Sorry I've been slacking lately.
I'll get better I promise.
I have the inspiration.
I'm just sad and depressed at the moment.
maxine Jul 2015
And sometimes you have to lose yourself to find the better version of you.
Like Hide and Seek, it'll take time but the game has to end some time.
maxine Aug 2015
To most she was broken.
To herself she was just fragments lying carelessly among the floor.
But to him she was life.
In his mind he took all of her pieces and put them together.
He never saw her as anything more than her and that was enough.
He only ever saw the good about her.
He was blinded by her beauty and wit.
And she was blinded with who she really was, behind closed doors the person only she saw, disgusted with herself.
But he'd never be.
He'd only ever love her and see her as life.
The only life he'd ever want to lead.
I'm currently reading Paper Towns by John Green and I thought that the way Quentin loves Margo was so sweet and well expressed so I decided to write my take on it.
maxine Aug 2015
Your net worth doesn't bring happiness, your self worth does.
maxine Aug 2015
You do your best for others, to make them happy.
And most of the time they could care less, and continue to gloat about themselves.
So don't do things for others.
Do it for you.
You deserve to feel accomplished and be happy with yourself.
You are making progress and if others don't appreciate your journey, they shouldn't be apart of it.
Tired of doing things for others when I should be doing it for myself, because in the end who's there? You.
maxine Oct 2015
all of them just come and go.
and they never love,
and they never care.
they just come...

and they just go.
observation from living in a hotel.
maxine Jun 2015
Her smile shines as bright as the sun
Her teeth crooked but still a beautiful smile
Her heart cracked, yet still beating
She's done bad things but she's not a bad person
She wants to explore
Her writings shaky yet smart and simplistic
She's only ever wanted the best for her and others
Her hair cascading down her spine
Long and filled with her secrets and journeys
Her face has no wrinkles because all she ever does is smile
Through the pain and the guilt
The gray hairs have come in because she's been old ever since a young age
Fixing the broken to the best of her ability yet she's still cracked in so many ways
Her fingernails and skin ripped and picked at
She has such good intentions
Her dreams are yet to come true but she has ambition
No money for a long time
But shes been suffice
She wants to live in a nice house, nothing spectacular, but something
She wants to have good memories not bad
She wants to forget the past
She wants to forgive the mean and cruel people
She wants to move on
She wants to be a better person
She wants her writings to not be so dark
She wants so much, but you can want forever and not achieve
She wants to sing for everyone
She wants to be known
Not for who she has been but for who she wants to be
She wants to be her
But who is she?
maxine Jul 2015
The architecture that goes into building a human I will never understand.
For it is too astonishing for anyone to wrap their head around.
The time, effort and beauty that goes into making even the most evil people.
Everyone has their own beauty.
And their own attraction to others that were built the same or complete opposite way.
In a long and complicated process making them who they are on the inside and what they portray to be on the outside.
Because the exterior can only cover so much before what is on the inside shimmers through the smallest crack.
You can think someone is a good person until you see what's on the inside.
Makes you wonder how they were created and why they were in such a bad manor.
maxine Jul 2015
You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
maxine Aug 2015
I hate the saying ’You have to love yourself before you can love others.’ Because you never even truly know who YOU are entirely. So how can you love somebody you don’t know? Lots of people do it very easily. But it’s just hiding from the reality of it all, of not knowing who you ‘love’ or yourself. Guess love is just an easily tossed around word at this point. Which is sad because it once had a definition and meaning to it all and now people just love everything without even knowing what love is itself.
maxine May 2015
kissing;
turned into heavy petting
then it was moaning
and then we were sweating
crying out each others names
but we wouldn't want to be in any other place
any other situation but the one we're in
the ****** arousal coming from within
rolling around the bed till the a.m
and when it's all over it's just us in our heads
thinking about what we just did
and if we should do it again
if we could've done better
and what we'll do different next time
to please the other person is the prime
make them feel special and make them feel loved
you give the push and they give the shove
*** is a beautiful thing to express your fondness to your partner
but it shouldn't be just *** between each other
the *** should be love and the love should be strong
you should be the melody and they can be the chords
and together you can make the most perfect song
when your bodies are intertwined and you are one
don't take it for granted because soon it will be gone
love your lover
to the best of your ability
until your old and you no longer have mobility
love your lover
until you can't love anymore
and have that love come from your very core
the truest love in its truest form
in the heart where it's very warm
warm like vanilla
and sweet like sugar
and let that love grow until it's something bigger
they say love is the biggest form of affection and lust
but there must lie something beyond that
there must!
maxine Aug 2015
Mama said ''Don't trust boys they'll leave you with a broken heart.''
I said ''Yeah well that's alright I've been broken from the start.''
Just some lyrics that I'm developing some chords for. :)
maxine Aug 2015
People get tired of you being sad, and then they leave, even when they promised they wouldn't.
Being abandoned by the people you once loved the most and thought you had a connection and understanding with.
maxine May 2015
the lady in red
who lived in my head
used to come to me
and it all started at around age 3
she was sweet and nice and very pleasant
but behind that all she was just a peasant
she was there in all of my times of need
she was strong and blunt and always wanted to protect me
but only I could see her and it was just our little secret you see
she told me 'If you tell anyone that you can see me they'll think you're crazy and take you off to a bad place.'
so I never told anyone so I could continue to see her face
around the time I was 8 she left me alone
'You don't need me anymore you're all grown.'
'You're smart and old in the brain, you can take care of yourself now so I can't stay.'
she was on her way and nothing could stop her
I begged and begged but she was an admonisher
so I let her leave and I never saw her again
the lady in red
she was my best friend
maxine Jan 2016
The way it looks at him makes me uneasy.
Knowing that all I've ever wanted was to make him feel that way... with that look.
I can't give him what it gives him, the beauty, the perfection. I'm not enough.
I'm said to be a big part of his life and yet I feel so pushed to the background.
Lost in oblivion.. of regret and sadness.. memories on repeat. And so many emotions. Of love, of loss, of no touch.
*Of no him.
dedicated.. to what i'd like to call my first love.
maxine Oct 2015
i fill these voids inside of me with the things i don't need, the things that i perceive as happiness.
all people have their voids and all people have their fillers.
some have clothes and shoes and jewelry.
some have money and fame and colleagues.
some have ***, drugs and rock and roll.
but when it comes down to it their is still that void, it's just filled to the brim with stocking stuffers.
so once you unclog the drain and all of the things come pouring out, your just a 10 pound brain piloting a slab of meat with a hole inside of you.
the hole that has been scratched out by people and misfortune and lies and deceit.
but you still have your brain... and your slab of meat, which is more than some could say they have.
so you have to move on to the next location with your void... to try and fill it.
but the thing is your still walking around with the problem.
you think that if you move and make new acquaintances the void will be filled and the past will be corked and thrown into the ocean like a bottle floating waiting to be found.
but you can't throw your bottle into the ocean because it's the only bottle you have.
it's the only life you have.
you have to find a way to not avoid the problem or try to get rid of it.
but to put the past in the past and live in your present and continue on with your future.
that's why they call it a present.. because it's a gift to even have one.
I don't know where I was going with this but I haven't written in a week and all of the hardship that I've had even within this week came flowing in and I thought I should write.. I'm going to be moving shortly and I've always been a big 'Oh new year new me.' person but I have to realise it's still me I'm dragging along... and even with this void inside of me I have to find happiness and move on.
Thank you. ♥
maxine May 2017
i liked the way you made me feel
until you didn't make me feel that way anymore
so i let you go
but was that the right thing to do?
i have a void, that i've been trying to fill
ever so carelessly
drugs, ***, rock'n'roll
i've lost control
hell, i don't want to be in control
i want others to control me
i want someone to constantly be there and reassure me
but everyone leaves or i push them away
and i'm left with the biggest hole of agony inside
that can never be filled...
love is conditional.
love is stupid and blind and erratic and irrational.
love cares for no one.
so maybe it's not love i'm looking for?
maybe it's to erase the past
but time is a cruel thief.
time is selfish and careless.
and we waste him so he wastes us.
i am wasted.
no, not drunk.
but rather a ship, wasted at sea.
stuck in the sand of the past.
with this hole of agony... filling up with unwanted things.
it has been much too long my friend. i've strayed too far from my roots and now i'm back to hopefully use my love for poetry to guide me into the light i want to be under. not one of church, or state. but my light... i want to create my light.
anyhow, voids pt. 1 was written back in October of 2015, from a younger version of me... writing about others having voids, and now i can talk from self-experience. even though i find that extremely tragic... i hope to flourish from the pain i'm currently enduring. and i'm hoping poetry is the first step into constructively filling my void.
maxine May 2019
i'm going to die
that part is inevitable
you aren't going to miss me
i wish that part was avoidable
but chances are
when i gasp for one last breath
you'll be somewhere laughing
while my spirit releases into the air
like one of those balloons that kids only love for 5 minutes
you make me want to inhale enough helium to float away.
maxine Sep 2017
I hate that I'm up thinking about you when I know I hardly cross your mind. Thinking about my lost innocence. Thinking about how everyone's told me that I'm older now and need to move on. And I have, but I can't forget the feeling.
As a child you're supposed to feel loved, wanted, adored, yet I always felt like I was a burden. You may be asking yourself, why? Well, maybe it was because I tried to hold my father's closed fists.
please don't waste as much time as i did thinking that it was your fault.
maxine Nov 2018
my love for him is wholehearted, however, it seems like i can't love him correctly anymore?
i can't put my arms around his waist, or touch his chest, or hold him certain ways.
i used to be understanding when it came to the lack of p.d.a because i agreed that it was inappropriate.
but, now, i feel like the girl that he just holds on to because he feels like no one else will accept him how he is.
under the binder, behind the socks in his underwear.
i don't care which gender he is because i fell in love with who he is at heart.
but anymore, i'm scared his heart is changing.
his mind definitely is, from putting on mascara 6 months ago to trying to make a shadow.
i am understanding.
i am loving.
but i am not benevolent.
or all-knowing.
but who knew loving someone unconditionally would come with so many conditions?

— The End —