today's another day
of doing nothing
i don't really feel okay
but i don't want to be bluffing
about being useful
for anyone or anything-
i'm trying to be truthful
telling myself i'm ugly
but i'm not good at my studies
i guess my parents are right
always saying i'm useless

I FEEL SO HAPPY TONIGHT
because i'm alone
and i can freely write
and nobody would disown
me just because i wrote
and not being their perfect child
oh and i can gloat
to my friends until we smiled
and laugh till our throats hurt

have always wanted to escape reality-
from disney princess movies as a kid
to being a pre teen feeling real ******
reading all those fantasy books
then discovered romance and ****
as a weird teenager that barely lives
and keeps wanting to cut
myself but I know nobody gives
a single **** about my dreams
because I've always wanted to just fly
or shoot beams
or getting really really high
with dopamine in my veins
because if I met my fated partner in a whole another world
I'll be content for no reason
at all <3

please, tell me-
tell me why
you won't even bat an eye towards me when I plea
in my mind as I stare at the blue sky
to try to distract myself from you
because gazing at you all the time
is suffocating and I threw
my sanity away- it's like I'm commiting a serious crime
as I stalk you on social media
every single day, like a hopeless romantic

it's been two years
since I've set my eyes on you
but I'm still shedding tears
and still feelin' blue
because i know
deep down
I'm a bit slow
and you got your crown
from your queen
a long time ago
having a teen
crush is never easy

i crave to have friends
when i am alone
crave to make amends
for myself but i should've known
i would want to be alone
when i'm next to my 'friends'
so i just scroll on my phone
igoring the loose ends
i'm leaving every single day

anxiety doesn't suddenly appear
it's there because of others
and when we look drear
we try to drag our covers
up and up
hiding our tired faces
because we don't want to cleanup
and show others traces
of our weaknesses