I thought you'd be different, I told myself as I lie awake at 2am
So many different qualities I found in you than I hadn't found in anyone else
I was hesitant to talk to you, since you didn't really fit my type
But I was so glad I did, because you turned out to be amazing
Or so I thought
We spoke everyday for hours and hours
Never wanting to go to sleep so the conversations would never end
I was lucky enough to have been able to hang out with you twice only to be left with a hug and a delay in our messages for a day or two
We kept talking as the months went on and eventually I went back to school
The texting faded, just like it had with everyone else
I felt like history was repeating itself
When we did talk sparks flew like they always had and it was back to not wanting to say goodbye
And even getting to FaceTime with you made my day, er, my week
But now I'm done
I'm done being the first to say hi
I'm done being the only one to put in the effort
Don't complain to me that you were so lonely on Valentine's Day because we could've done something even though I couldn't have been there
I honestly thought you'd be the one person I wouldn't be writing about
Yet I always wake up at 2 in the morning thinking about you and what we could've been

I'm fully aware
Of the sadness in your kiss,
But the softness of your lips
Makes it easy to bear.

And yes, I am conscious
That your kind hands are calloused,
But I will always hold them,
I will always be there.

I have dreams about you
On nights I wish I don't
But I confess that I hope
I could sleep longer
Just so I could see you
But I don't really pray for
These to be any realer
Because I can revisit you
If I lose you in my dreams
But not when I'm awake

We sat in bathtubs in rundown motel rooms
I told him stories of my mother
He told me he'd never been in love
I noticed his uneven breathing
The way his chest fell a little faster
The way his eyes didn't have much glimmer
The faucet was dry
The bathtub was empty
We floated anyway
On broken promises
Taunted memories
Unspoken names
I saw every drop of blood
I saw every tear
I let him rest his weariness on my lap
I poured my attention into his flaws
Crooked teeth
Lopsided chest
The way his forehead wrinkled
Those were the things I remembered the most
When he left
I never loved him
He never loved me
But it was close
And it was tantalizing

And it didn't keep me up at night, it was worse.
It made me fall asleep sooner, stay asleep longer.
The only place that was comforting to me was in my rolled back eyes.
Where the good dreams seemed like nightmares as I would wake from them.
And the bad dreams would be so peaceful as I died in them.

He made sure to show I belonged to him.
And of course his trade mark,
was a bruise.

For an instant, I saw your reflection
and, for a moment, I touched your fingertips
through the glass, as if it were water
Your glance was so clear
and sharp through that light
I almost stuttered as I shook
from the force of it all.
But I pushed too far and it cut too deep
and the edges of your face
slipped from view and I was left
shattered on the floor,
once again.