Inside me lay only smoke and ash.
Hollow and full of ***** words.
The outside isn't as pretty.
A stumbling man reaching rock bottom.
It wasn't so gradual a fall as it is now.
I fell hard, but continued walking.
Trudging onward and downward.
Step over step conceding all your hope.
The bottom isn't black and dark,
it's full of hope,
people dreaming of going back up.
and people hoping this day is their last.
Here I am standing in a puddle of pride,
just knowing "I'm still alive"

I still repeat words you said to me over in my head.
And now I only speak in tongues,
For few understand the ramblings of a loveless madman.

I was running,
You were chasing,
You ran out of breath,
I never realised you'd given up.

We are hopeless lovers
Distraught in worlds of unimaginable alone-ness
And I only want you.
I only want you.
And you are not here.

I could trace the trail of heartbeats from where
yesterday began and be right back where I am,
but something's different
               (this is new and beautiful)

We stamp letters with the tiny feet, cook
chicken parmigiana meat, our timeline
means a lot because you're in it

(Here and now I'm feeling like I'm living deep
inside the house we picked)

I can almost taste it
     and I'm homesick.

The woman I marry is gonna be so ****** up.
She's going to want to take walks on the beach.
She'll drown my Cheerios in milk every day.
She'll watch all these Serial Killer Documentaries
She and I will will hold hands as we drift to sleep.
We'll be Sid and Nancy on Halloween, her and me.  
We'll have a pet turtle named Van Gogh.
I mean she is so ****** up...

Why else would she marry me.

I remember looking at a bewildering little flower.
Just off the sidewalk it gently danced in the breeze.
I stood totally engrossed in this strange little being.
God wanted me to see this, to bask in its bewitching allure.
I watched it for a few more minutes in serenity.
As I readied to leave, I look to make sure no one could see.
I kicked the flower from its home,
I watched as it danced one last melancholic tune.
Fluttering to the earth it truly looked as if it were dying.
It landed with a plump sort of umph.
I felt a tear trickled out and make its way down.
I stared at the corpse of the dancing plant.
The words that came out of my mouth were selfish.
"You touched my soul, If I let you touch another I'd die.
I ended you so those moments would be fleeting and mean so much more. "
After I said her eulogy I walked away,
Tears were shed but I never looked back.

Still broken down and reeling.
I saw her in crowded room.
She made me nervous,
till I caught my breath.

Every love poem in the past year,
owe a special kind of thanks to her,
To the one of unmatched beauty.
Sultry eyed with a cute gleam of a smile.

She complimented me, then said I was "intimidating".
Honestly that honesty surprised me.
I am me, Mr. Nice-Guy finishing last.
being five nine and a half never inspired fear before.

Drunk at a party, I wouldn't hit on her.
So many people do that with their liquid courage.
That would be an insult to her.
So I did the hardest thing to do, Nothing.

This isn't poetry, this isn't a love story.
This is a tragedy that burns rather slowly.
Though as I wait, I hope that to be a lie.