you say you're fine
you say your good
you stare into their eyes
"I'm fine"
"I'm good"
You probably smile through your lies
fake happiness and safety
I know your pain
I see it in the mirror
I see it when you tell jokes
I know

you need to talk about it
you try to talk about it
you can't hold it in
it's not good for you
its what I did
think of me now
how I hate myself
bottling it all down

don't push it down
don't pretend
I know how hard it is
pretending your okay
keeping a blank or happy face
avoiding eyes
faking smiles

sometimes I still pretend
that I'm still who everyone thinks I am
that i am like everyone else
a whole girl
unbroken
unscarred

then I think how scared you were
when you told me
how you tried to pretend it was fine
like I did then
I can't pretend to be 'normal'
when your words came out broken and shaky
one step from breaking

I remember the day I told you
that I was 'different'
how my heart raced
how my hands tremored
my words barely slipping through my lips
you barely reacted

that's how you were
shaking and almost crying and almost backing out
and you told me that sometimes you feel like it isn't real
like you are lying to yourself
I still do that sometimes

a lot

Canvas bag, swinging
As we walk,
The thousand voices
Singing together, screaming
But never loud enough
Never loud enough to stay above water
On our own here
It’s an ocean we used to play in,
Don’t assume I was always a strong swimmer
I never learned to slow down,
Now I’ve stopped moving and can’t
Seem to start again
Keep up, keep up,
Can I really separate myself from the moment
When everyone ran ahead,
And someone collapsed, unbreathing
Can you imagine what would have happened
If no-one had waited for us,
Would we still be in that forest,
Screaming for help
While she was unable to even
Open her eyes,
Everyone tells me I can forget,
But how can I,
When I haven’t even seen her face since that day?
Still, I sit here in silence,
I’ll tell her story another day,
But for now,
The ocean’s feeling a little lonely,
And someone said that others had been here before
Didn’t he say that the ocean was full?
I wonder if I’ll ever meet my fellow dying.

Bright red badge says "panic"
Pin it to your chest,
A glowing little crest
Of all their comments,
All their lies
Hide beneath a hood,
Convince yourself it looks
More neutral like this
Coz it's too early in the morning
I'm too tired to imitate
A deeper voice

Raise your demi-demi-god into the sky,
Follow him, follow her, follow them

I never realised we belonged
To the inside
Of the other side
Help your friends hide
In the centre.
"Boy", "Girl",
Taunting yourself in the mirror

Raise your demi-demi-god into the sky,
Follow him, follow her, follow them
Keep walking, honey,
You thought we were just
Following blind
We've stumbled into that ditch before
It's a long way down
Well, we're here for good now, right?

Pray to every diety
That stupid story
Won't play out again,
Can't let it play out again
Well at least she'd know, they'd know,
At least they don't take thieves
For showmen

I am her
with shoulder-length hair
and sinking eyes

I am him
with shoulder-length hair
and terrible posture
and tired, sinking eyes

I am them
with shoulder-length hair
and splitting headaches
and warm blankets
and shaking hands
and fear

and empty, tired sinking eyes