Have you ever loved someone so much?
Where every moment you spend without their arms wrapped around your waist is so incredibly painful, you think it’s slowly killing you?
Where you long every second for that certain trio of words to be sent your way, on the lisps of the wind?
“I love you.”
And
“I miss you”
Were trios that I did not catch that afternoon. I’m sure you sent them, but not to me.
Instead, what did I get?
“You will never be half the person that she is.”
I read that, and instantly I wanted to cry. I felt defeated, crushed, broken down. Ashamed, upset, and alone.
You said you weren’t thinking, that it was an accident, that you didn’t mean it.
But if you sent it, you thought it.
And that’s enough for me.
You tried to take it back, and believe me I wish you had succeeded.
But you didn’t, and you left me for wanting.
Because when that was over, when you said the only ten words I never would have expected to come out of your mouth, I was done.
Done what?
I was done fighting. Fighting off bad luck, insecurities, you name it.
All this time I was there for you. And this was not the only time you’ve come back to slap me in the face.
You never bothered to really see if I was okay. Never cared to look into my eyes and discover that I’m worse off than you are.
That day you watched me fall asleep… you said that I was peaceful.
I can assure you those are the only moments of peacefulness I get out of my day.
That day you said you needed me, I was there.
But the day I needed you, you had vanished into somebody else’s arms.
Not a care in the world, not a look back to see me far off in the distance, too numb from the pain to wave goodbye.
It’s me or someone else, you say. You say I don’t care about the other, which is wrong.
You say it’s stupid of you to assume things about me, which is funny because it’s something people constantly do.
I’m used to it, it happens often.
But I never thought the assumptions would come from you.
I miss you, I need you, and I love you.
So talk to me, please.
Because you’re a part of me that I need.
You will never understand.