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Don Bouchard Feb 2024
Retreading the amphitheater steps
To my accustomed contemplative space
To see myself again in the eyes of the Fates,
Who spin and measure and snip.

Instead of Oedipus and Iocasta,
Arthur Miller is the Muse whose Loman
Must my aging sense abuse and disabuse
If I but can.

Erikson sits here beside me, taking me along
The 8 staged declension or ascension of aging
And looks me square and says, "Integrity or Despair?"
While I am sitting here.

My students, nearing 20 years of age
See Hoffman's Loman strut and rage his memories,
Bemused they turn away as if to say this dreaming
Is for older men.

I am an older man, and I cannot deny the meaning
Of old Miller's play packs much more punch
Today than just a decade back, but I am driven
Once again to this assay.

I know the old hymn, "O When I Come to the End
Of My Journey," and I long to die in peace,
Hands folded in an easy rest, content in every thought,
At seeing God's own Hand.
In His integrity, I'll stand.
Love Death of a Salesman, but it cuts like a scalpel. Nihilism without Christ is inevitable.
Don Bouchard Feb 2015
King Under the Mountain?
Hardly so.
Longed to be king?
Certain sure.
But treasures lost...
He, dragon-sick,
Trusted no one,
Swung an Elven blade,
Lies buried holding Orcrist,
Elven Treasure.
Don Bouchard Jan 2013
Chill fingered knife,
Ice laser penetrates epidermis,
Cracks the brittle sternum,
Then only gives a tickling touch
There at the porches of the heart;
Aortal rhythms pause and tense,
Resting, moving on...
Pausing, resting, moving on.

Slow wintering this...
Six months past death,
The heart, still beating
After that last breath,
Is mine.

The beating in this winter cold
Rejects fear's hold,
Melts the blade of ice,
Reserves the final breath
Until another day,
Provides me reasons now
To love and to be loved.

So it is that here in winter
I **** my head to hear
A trickling song of melting snow,
A thawing fear, a warming hope.

Seasons come and go, and nights and days
Revolving take each other's place.
Life and death for us still in the web of time
Hold constant power until
Eternity steps in and takes us home.

"Though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow,
I will fear no evil, for Thou, Oh Lord, are with me."
---King David
Don Bouchard Dec 2018
Bryce impressed me with its "hoodoos,"
And we stood on a trail in the heated air,
Wondering how far
To venture into the depths below.

Zion's slotted canyon walls towered over us,
Cooled us in their shade,
Marveled us with seeping rocks,
Clinging lichens, plants in flower,
Tendrils hanging on the wet stone.
We left before a storm.

"Grand" is too quiet, too sparse, too short.
I stood on the precipice,
Miles and miles and miles in view,
Reds and tans and whites,
Clouds hanging virga.
My tears signaled gasping awe.
Don Bouchard Dec 2012
Three Nails (...)
Not so many as to denounce
A job done to make me well.
Three rudimentary spikes to nail
A man's own flesh to wood.
Three nails cannot
Seem so much to proffer;
Human efforts complementing
God's sacrificial offer.

A self-inflicted crucifixion?
Yes, I would do my part;
Would do me good, I think,
To offer up an offering to God.

So let this painful work,
Human endeavoring,
Perfection capturing,
Begin.

A simple thing, I think,
To hoist and hammer
Nails into myself,
A manly job to undertake
Impaling self
To spare my God
A little work.

The first, perhaps
Most painful...
To stop the feet
Their wandering ways,
To give me pause for just a bit
To meditate in pain
And to reflect or to project
Myself in better ways.

                  .

Then on to nail number two,
One hand to hold the nail
And one the hammer.
The pain intense
Impacts my good intent.

                       .

And yet, I've nailed number two,
And finding where the problem lies,
I have no way to nail thrice.

My living flesh begins to writhe
Its will-ward way,
E'en though in sky-ward
Agony my soul now wails.

Then I remember
Someone said,
"Your crucifixion stands
Upon a different hill,
Hangs on a different tree."

                   . . .
Though I can never end my flesh,
He paid my debt for me.
Don Bouchard Jan 2013
How many times I lay
On that old couch
Just through the doorway
Where she shuffled from the table to the stove
Bringing food to dad,
In for supper late,
Or moving dishes to the sink
While I rested from the day,
Just lying there,
Unaware of conversations
I was soaking in.

"I should have sold the winter wheat
A week ago.
No telling how far down the price will go
Now that Russia's stopped our sales."

"Pizza, two for seven dollars again;
Apples three pounds for a dollar;
Bread for seventy-nine."

Or heard his offhand orders for next morning:
"Fencing's got to be done at Henry's.
Boys! I need one of you to check the pastures.
Take some salt and mineral along!"

Mother seldom spoke, or if she did,
She gave correction,
Reported pizza inventories, or bread.
Asked clarifying questions,
But always the creaking oven door
Or the running of rinsing water.

I awoke this morning at three,
Almost a year after my fathers death
From a restless dream of lying there.

Heard my mother's sounds,
My father's voice,
Life as once it was,
Mundane and wonderful
From the couch around the corner of the door:
A living memory
I would no more expunge
Than to remove my own name.

In a dream state,
Attentive now to sounds
Grown too late significant,
Too late sweet,
Almost too painful now,
I lay,
Half aware or half awake...
Thankful to live a memory so real,
Unaware I was transfixed
Inside a memory
Moving lightning speed
Through dreams....

As he was readying to leave,
Perhaps to go down to do one last chore,
I heard my father's footstep at the door.

"Dad, I wanted you to know
I love you very much!"
I spoke the words,
Loudly, so he heard.

I heard him clear his throat,
Say something about getting back to work.

And I awoke, a full day's drive away
From that old couch,
Itself five miles up the hill
From the buried urn where his cold ashes lie.
Don Bouchard Apr 2013
Thrift Shop Confessional

Old carts squeak down re-sale aisles
"One of," "two of,"
Sometimes "three of" items
Tempting treasure-sifting shoppers,
Bargain-needing families,
Women seeking up-brand names at low-brand prices...
Our wives, followed by their husbands,
Acquiescent, but quiescently seeking
Seeking a thrift shop oasis.

A cast-off dining set beckons,
Sturdy enough, if a little battered,
To make us solemnly content to wait
Carted clothing trundling
Off to fitting rooms.


He shuffled up with a foolish grin.
"I think I'll join this convocation of
Waiting gentlemen.
My wife is a shopper...
She'll close the place down."

I moved a chair and gave some space;
Strangers become brothers in this place.

Five minutes on,
I knew he was a vet:
Army, Vietnam Nam...
"I don't like to think about it,"
Cleared his throat,
"Never can forget."

I turned to look at him.

"A little girl came running,
With her hand behind her back.
She only stood this high," he said,
And showed me with his palm her height,
"They carried grenades that way...
All of 'em...couldn't tell which ones...
Sergeant told us, 'Don't ever check...just shoot.'"

The voice trailed off....

I sat sweating in a thrift store,
Captive of my own politeness,
Half a century,
Half a planet,
Transported in his words
into a soldier's Hell.

"So I shot...
Nothing else to do."

Silence then.

A total stranger staggering
under the weight of having
Murdered his Albatross....
Of having carried this thing,
This memory,
Inside him all these years,
Of finding me,
The unsuspecting thrift shop guest
Who'd listen to his lonely tale,
Perhaps so he could earn some rest....

I, his unwitting Confessor,
Uncertain what to say,
Certain something must be said...
Certain nothing could be said...
Sat dumb, but understanding
The wisdom of confessional dividers,
The private comfort of two booths
Where prayerful exchanges
Intersperse uncertain silences,
Present in the overhanging need:
Demanding sorrowful returns,
Impending memories of sorrows...
And lonely trudgings home....



(Connections with Fr. Laurence's "Riddling confession finds but short shrift," in Romeo & Juliet, and Coleridge's "Rime of the Ancient Mariner")
Don Bouchard Jul 2019
We trudge the fetid jungle,
Thinking our green way
Must be an overgrown trail.

Dampness pervades our clothing,
Soddens our shoes,
Drips from leafy branches,
Fails to cool us in the tropic heat.

We ascend gingerly,
Hoping for cooler air,
Realizing the immensity of time,
Of memory moving on ahead.

Shrieking birds unseen
Foretell dooms imagined:
Snake and lizard fangs,
Feral creatures' claws and teeth,
Unseen traps waiting to inflict
Sudden deaths or slow.

Silence arrests us,
As we stumble to a cliff,
Gasping for air,
Longing for coolness,
Stopped in our breath as we see....

Climbing the ranges ahead of us,
Above, and arching up and down,
The great dragon's crenelated back
Undulating over the mountain ridges,
Disappearing into the past.
My recollection of seeing the Great Wall of China just outside of Beijing
Don Bouchard Mar 2024
Japanese fighter planes coming in
Three men at the gun, ready to fire;
How does one know it's time to go?

He knew the General Order, had never disobeyed:
"To quit my post only when properly relieved,"
Death leaning in or no. But what if it's time to go?

The Pacific teamed with ships; enemy planes sighted;
"Somebody's going to take a hit this time."
A sense that grew inside: "It's time to go."

He stood in the cramped gun house, "Good-bye, boys."
"Good-bye, Paul," one said, with no derision.
In his decision the certainty that it was time to go.

Swinging the steel door and stepping out,
His vision grayed from detonation,
Time stopped, or at least grew slow.

He'd left his post, nearly died in doing so,
Covered with gore from his friends
Who hadn't heard the call, "It's time to go."
Don Bouchard Mar 2024
You make total sense, Student.
Now, a personal question:
Why do you not speak in class?
You have a strong intellect;
You think and write well.
It's time to open your mouth.
It's time to share your thoughts
With the rest of us....
If I counted the "Students" to which this poem speaks, I might cry. Your voices need to be heard. Here's the invitation to join the dialogue.
Don Bouchard Feb 2013
He didn't see the patch of ice;
She had closed her eyes for just a bit.
When she looked,
Guardrails tearing...
No time to shout,
Windows blowing out,
Merciful airbags slamming oblivion
Through muffled thudding
sliding,
rolling,
plummeting
plummeting
down.

Silence....

"Some day, if we die at the same time,"
His mother had said,
"We want to be together in the grave."

An ominous request, that,
And one to be perused, ignored,
Revisited now
As her life hovered
"Ten percent," the doctors said.
Shattered body, all alone
.../.../....../..................
Alone.......

They were together again.


"Do you remember what they asked?"

"I do."

"And do you think...?"

The mortuary
Obliging,
Compassionate,
Arranged them
Arms encircling,
Her head upon his chest...
Embraced in life,
Embraced in death.

Lowered gently down,
A warming day,
In spite of snow,
A circling of friends around,
A mercy to have lived and died
Through every harm
Encircled in each others' arms.
Friends of ours just lost their parents within a few hours of each other. True story.
Don Bouchard Apr 2017
Five years to the day your heart attack began.
Thinking of you, my own chest hurt;
I imagined pain in my shoulders,
Felt the weariness of years...
Even shed some tears.

April Fools Day, 2012, long on the shelf,
Returns fresh, cuts like a blunt knife,
Tears my innards; causes me to gasp...
The phone call of your imminent demise
Returns to mind,
Drives the blade to the hasp.

Heavy days, these April Fools'
Not the tom-fool days they used to be.
These are days to shake my core,
To stomp and worry my heart sore,
And ask if I'll live through many more.
Some anniversaries bite.  Live well. Love hurts.
Don Bouchard Nov 2011
The way of a man with a maid,
Solomon said,
Too much for him to understand
Too much.
A snake crawling on a rock,
A ship moving across the waves
The motionless soaring of an eagle
Too much to understand.

I have come to grips with a snake's scaly progress,
undulating,
cupping,
twisting,
hugging,
movement upon a rock.

I can nearly sense a ship's purposeful meanderings
on pathless seas,
driven by compass-aimed sails
and the science of sextants and stars.

I have accepted the Bernoulli Principle:
air currents rushing under and
meandering over
curved and feathered wings
producing lift,
defying gravity.

But still I cannot grasp
the way of a man with a maid.

Though I have studied
oxytocin,
endorphins,
hormonal urges,
a man and a maid
who walk through life
past beauty and prime,
surviving the vagaries of time,
seeing in each other
their youth long spent,
still straight and tall in the other's mind,
though old and bent...
must always bring me wondering, to a stop.
Such things, the Wise One said,
Are far too wonderful for me.

Long live love.
Don Bouchard Nov 2020
I lift my eyes to the hills/ From where comes my help?/ My help comes from the Lord, /The Maker of heaven and earth.
(Psalm 121: 1-2)

Look higher than the government.
Look higher than the mountains.
Look higher than the world.
Look beyond the moon.
Fix your gaze beyond the stars.
Look to the One
Who neither sleeps nor slumbers.

Rest.
Meditation in troubling times....
Don Bouchard Jun 2019
This, the generation
Of the Trampling Bull,
The trodding of the Crop,
The headlong raging run,
With never any stop.

Having pulled the stakes,
Dragging tethers;
Pawing unchecked,
Throwing clods above his withers;

Fence posts falling,
The corners cave.

Town boys chase him
With sticks,
Unable to check or to drive
His rampant run,
O'er suffering fields.

Where are the men
Who'll come to force him,
Bellowing,
Back into civility?

Where are the men?
Make of it what you will. I woke at 2:00 with this vivid dream....
Don Bouchard May 2016
Young trees stand in clumps,
Bursting forth in tender leaf,
Chattering in the early fall,
Silent in the early spring,
Tender shoots alive,
A school yard thriving.
Thin bark, food for winter starvers,
Antler rubs for summer bucks...
A stand of youngsters
Waiting to be thinned..

The old trees root down,
Twisted, misshapen,
Root masses exposed,
Bolls huge at intervals
Intermittent.
Solitary veterans of Time's war,
Arms twisted and split,
Cracks in the roughened old skin
Letting strangers at the heartwood,
Grown sponge-soft,
Home for squirrels,
Sleep-seeking 'possums,
Note-leaving lovers.
Don Bouchard Mar 2015
Homeward headed, I was driving my way
Down I-95 past the Old Mill Way in a yawn,
Turning the radio on and looking to play
Something to keep my consciousness on.

Few cars out at 1:00; it had been a long day;
I'd stopped off at Charlie's to sit with a friend
To blow out the kinks and let myself say
What a **** the company minion had been.

Four hours burned off like the late morning haze;
When I'd sobered back steady, was able to drive,
I paid off my tab, left my friends in a daze,
Headed the Jeep to the feed ramp for old 95.

At one in the morning, the traffic was thin;
When I heard Harleys roaring behind,
I scoped the mirror for the lanes they were in,
Double-blinked then to see if I was road-blind.

No bikers behind, no bikers beside, but sound
Like a squadron blared loud, and I felt a cold chill,
Thought better of having the last couple rounds,
Wished I'd stayed an hour before I'd settled my bill.

I glanced to the side, though the sound was all 'round,
Saw a glimmer of green glowing chrome in the dark,
And fire ethereal from pipes blooming sound,
From a Shovelhead, barely visible, flat black and stark.

But the rider's appearance emptied my chest:
Dark goggles, full beard and a gray flowing mane,
Black leather with signs on his tattery vest
And a number embroidered below the man's name:

"Rider 88" glowed red through the gloom,
A ******* burned on the withering arm:
"We rise again!" I heard a voice of doom,
"We're meeting at the old red barn!"

He wasn't alone, though I couldn't see
The posse he rode with, the pack he was in;
I felt a squadron of hellions run through me,
Concussive, incessant, their rattling din.

And then, except pavement beneath the Jeep's tires,
The howling of wind and crackling "Cotton-eyed Joe,"
Nothing but the road after midnight, no sirens or fires,
And me, shaking hands on the wheel, alone.
Ghost stories....
Don Bouchard Feb 2012
When Balaam's donkey spoke,
He didn't mention research words,
Didn't point out answers obvious
In spite his quantitative methods.

Balaam, prophetic man for hire,
Climbed four mountains,
Burned a herd of cows in fire,
Tempted Heaven's curses down.

Multiple perspectives brought
One conclusion, tight and rich:
Balaak wanted curses hot;
God caused an *** to kvetch.

My mother used to say to me
When I was bent to stray,
"If you know what's right as you begin
You've no reasons left to pray."

So Balaam's triangulations grabbed
Perspectives from multiple views,
Incensing old King Moab
By blessing multitudes of Jews.
Don Bouchard Aug 3
"What is truth?" old Pontius said;
Washing his hands, the Truth he fled.
"Had I been there, the Truth I'd bear,"
Some proudly claim with foolish air.
Yet Truth still holds old Pont to blame,
And you and I must share his shame.
Disciples fled; they hid in fear;
Peter lied, and he was there.
Why would I think that I'd be brave,
Though sometimes pious, still a slave?
The weakest ones find strength if we
Kneel low to Truth on humbled knee.
(12-7-21)
Don Bouchard Nov 2020
The current rush
Against external, eternal
Truth

produces a plethora of mini “truths”
clamoring for the power
of mass acceptance.

Results?

Chaos,
confusion,
fear,
manipulation.

Welcome to the funhouse.
Thinking
Don Bouchard Apr 2020
These are the days that try our souls.
There have been others similar,
Time out of minds ago.

Take heart.
Lift up your heads.
The One who saved the multitudes is there
To take our dread.

Take courage.
Lift up your arms.
The One is with us through all harm.

Take peace.
Rest in the thought that life
Or death in Him will please.

Take comfort now, for later.
In life, in death,
He is our Savior.
Yea, though I walk through the shadow of death.... Psalm 23
Don Bouchard Nov 2013
Who thumps against me in the dark
And rings the jingles by the door
To let me know he has to *** a little after four,
Then barks at neighbors passing by
To let them know a guard is nigh?

Who chews my phone and my remote
And tears the pillow stuffings out,
Then wags his tail with sheepish smiles
And makes me laugh when I should pout?

Whose breath defeats my appetite
And slobber covers everything in sight
And pounces on our comfy bed at night
When I have snuggled in just right?

Tucker Freitas is his human name,
A wooly Labradoodle with no shame,
(We call the "grand-dog" to his face
But other things when in disgrace).

So would I have him any other way,
Say in a kennel or a fricassee,
Or stuffed and lying on a frame?
No, I will love him in his puppied self
Content to know he loves me as myself.

The company he gives is pure as gold,
His eager joy at seeing me is never old;
He's healthy and excited each time he hits my door,
Tongue hanging out and slobber flying,
Four feet sliding on the polished floor,
Remembering treats and wanting more.
Don Bouchard Feb 2019
The groomed dog lies
Clean upon my sofa,
Resting,
His reward.

Resisted he
The urge to flee
Or bite the handler
While the groomer
Plied over the sopping ****,
Clipped the carpet-ripping nails,
Coiffed and primped him
Head to tail.

Waking,
He nuzzles me
With a brown-eyed stare,
Sidling close to my old brown chair.

This canine friend,
Just a dog in mien,
Communicates his needs,
Comforts me in loneliness,
Amuses me with dog-face grin,
Reads and responds
To the state that I'm in.
Dogs, if not human, are in many ways better than humans.
Don Bouchard Mar 2013
Tweedle One and Tweedle Two
Stood impatient at the Gate
Waiting on each other to go in
"You go first," said Number One;
"By all means, NO!" said Tweedle Two,
"I'll always follow you!"

So still they stand, the Tweedle Twins,
Humbugs for life's old manners,
Immobile human bowling pins
So bent on form and social matters....
Come rain or snow, they remain so,
Determined to the last to hesitate
On point of order at the garden gate.

Published March 16, 2013
Don Bouchard Apr 2012
The day is ebbing, shadows fall,
While twilite deepens nite birds call
The works of mortals fade away;
In quiet care a sorrow lay;

Soothing evening breezes whisper,
Telling of forgotten lands-
Softly speak of Eden's Gardens,
And of earth's dear no-man lands.

Murmur of sea island countries,
Drowsy birds, faint scents of flowers,
Silver moons and star lit meadows-
Tell of slow, enchantful hours.

But the vision swiftly changes
Northland wastes and solitude
In their place lied coldly calling ,
Luring your adventurous mood...

Beckoning to unclimbed mountains,
Treacherous glaciers, unexplored,
Ice and rivers, frozen fountains,
Long from which Aurora soared.

But the zephyr now has ended,
In the midst of Yukon flats
Come, regretful, to the present-
Just remember where you're at.

But in future desolation
When your thoughts are glum and sour,
Think back thru your "Syncopation"
To the zephyr of this hour.

And when wind and winter harden
All the leafless, loveless land,
It will whisper of the garden--
It will bid you understand.

And the moral of the story-
(For it has one as all should)
Is: "When all are shorn of Glory--
God alone will choose the good."

But let's leave that as it stood...

For from here, where ere you wander,
Whether it be near or far,
Without stopping long to ponder--
Just be thankful where you are.
Don Bouchard Feb 2020
To Death:
Drought
or
Floods.
Don Bouchard Nov 2016
We share these griefs
Nearly everywhere,
Waking or dozing,
Stopping mid-stride,
Standing, leaning in,
Vaguely unaware,  
Uneasy searchings leave us here
To pause uncertainly and stare.

These clouded griefs shade our days
With glooming care hold sway
Though years ago
Our one-time friends,
Choosing to be gone;
In self-volition flown.

Their grassy graves slowly sag,
Though our forgotten memories
Move still beneath the weight
Of these unanswered griefs.
What happens to a dream deferred? Langston Hughes asked.
What happens to a grief unanswered?
Mourning over Suicides
Don Bouchard May 2012
Your old brown chair sits waiting for you
Here behind me as I write, thirty years after your death.

You, the quiet bachelor with the twinkling eyes
Smoking pipe and soft French voice.
Always Charlie’s second,
A good mechanic, but a better blacksmith.

When the police said you couldn’t drive anymore,
You went home and died of sadness.
Unable to leave home, you stayed.

I still remember the day
The ambulance screamed southward
As I played on Grandpa’s lawn.

It was you on your way out,
Going in style.

Published July 09, 20
Don Bouchard Oct 2014
Grimly holding her brown leaves
The oak stands firm despite the breeze
That made her ashen neighbors bare,
Waiting for the coming snow....

My son and I stand pondering
The coming winter gloom,
Realizing once again
That Frost is on his way...
The truth that nothing gold
Can really stay.

But still the sunlight glows
Sugar maples red and yellow,
Casts glowing gold that blends
Beyond spring's greening yellow power
(But only until jealous winds
And stinging rain taunt and tease
The clattering chorus into drifts
Of oranges and browns).

And so it goes,
The trees will silent stand,
Bereft of leaf and bird...
The only song a mournful
Wind-sung dirge
Above the emptied nests,
Fall-budded branches,
Stiff and dry,
Sap sunk to safety
In the ground,
And all the upper world
Be drifting
Off
To
Sleep.
Don Bouchard Dec 2017
I like it not.
Some actors' stumbling lines
Or patient yawns
Leave Shakespeare's thoughts delivered
Barely breathing or still-born
While others' jousting runs the play
Unchecked, unfettered, and yet un-free.

Mercutio's fitful rantings smoulder some,
Then, tired, lose their place,
Extinguished fire that nearly casts
A plague on any houses
Before a lingering death brings
Sweet relief to all the house.

Old Capulet, more bored than angry,
Tirades only tiredly at his daughter,
The last in a line of several disappointments.
We wait his piece to end,
Endure the hanging and begging and starving
In the streets, while Juliet entreats...
Gosh, I could use a bit to eat.....

O God in Heaven!
Give us up a little leaven
From this acting now so leaden.

Sadly, young Mercutio's dead,
And soon, Paris, and young Romeo,
Followed by young Juliet, and then Old Capulet....
The priest's alive, so we can fret
What further mischief he may still beget.
Disappointing performance at the Guthrie in October 2017
Don Bouchard Jul 2014
"You can't."
My father used to say,
And corollaries I have found:

Pull the nails...
The holes remain.

Burn the bridges down...
The pillars stand at water's edge.

Slam the door and go...
Cracks spread out above the frame.

Dust off your feet...
Your footprints will remain.

A rocket launched...
Must surely fall.

Arrows loosed...
Cannot be called back to the string.
A start. Can you add?
Don Bouchard Apr 2016
I have known enough of life
To speak a word on the value of love,
And the quickness of a final breath,
And the separation caused by death.

I have bent to tie a shoelace,
Been overwhelmed with realization,
That when I stand again to look,
The loved one who came to mind
Has long been buried,
Will not hear me speak,
Nor say my name.

This morning, as we readied
Ourselves for work,
I stopped to pick a thing up,
Realized the joy
Of hearing my wife's sounds:
Cooking eggs,
Running water in the sink,
Putting things away,
And felt a rush of love.

I stood and walked to her,
Kissed her on the nose.

"What was that for?"

"I was overwhelmed by love just now."
Noticing the little precious things of life...while we are still here....
Ephesians 5:14-16
Don Bouchard Oct 2016
The prairie sun hung low,
Slipping toward the hill,
Just touching the top of the lone cottonwood
Leaning away from the country road.

He stood in the doorway,
Removing the tattered chore coat,
Taking off his muddy boots,  
Saw his mother,
Standing, looking out the window,
Half expectant in her pose,
Half turning toward him,
Where he stood.

She'd looked out that window
More than 25,000 times, he figured,
Watching the ends of days,
Year after year,
Storms coming, or no,
Soft breezes blowing,
Opened, she'd listen to the prairie sounds:
Coyotes and owls at night,
Meadowlarks and roosters in morning,
Hawks shrieking and cicadas by day,
And people sounds:
Children and grandchildren laughing, crying,
Neighbors closing the latch and coming near,
Her husband, clearing his throat...
The memories returned at the window,
While she was standing there.

Through the galvanized screen the world filtered in:
Earth-rich scent of coming rain,
Strong tobacco smells of men lounging after lunch,
New-stacked hay beside the barn,
Springing grass and budding trees....

She'd waited at that window, too,
For her husband to return,
Or one of the ten boys and girls
She'd birthed and raised in this old house.
At 97, she was nearly blind,
Could only hear a little,
Spoke seldom now,
Covered her swollen legs with a woolen blanket,
Even in the heat of summer.

Her idea of exercise were precarious journeys:
The toilet,
The table,
The bed,
Her old easy chair,
And the western window.

He, the youngest son, a bachelor,
Comical in his words,
Steady in his ways,
Owned an easy-going laugh that set his friends at ease,
Careful in his manners, never meaning to impose,
Ever ready to lend a neighbor a hand,
Became the one to stay with "Mother,"
After his father died the lingering death
Of a man who'd lived to groan that he'd
Survived a bull's trampling.
(Well, "survived" was just a word, meaning
Prolonged misery preceding untimely death.)

"Mother, what you lookin' at?" he asked,
Fresh in from chores,
Wanting supper,
Knowing vinegar pie and hamburger hotdish
Were waiting in the oven
Because he'd placed them there.

"It must be time for breakfast!"
She turned from the window,
One frail finger pointing at the sun,
Struggling now in the branches of the tree,
"The sun is coming up!"

He stood behind her.
"Where does the sun come up every day, Mother?"
He asked softly.

She looked at him, confused.

"Yer lookin' out the west," he spoke again,
"The east is over there."
He pointed to the other side of the house,
And she, uncertain, looked again
At the dying sun, now setting,
Easing carefully into the western pool of night.

A few high clouds glowed red, tinging now in grays.

"Sun's going down, Mother, and nearly time for bed."

He put the plates on the table,
Walked her to her place,
Helped her sit,
Scooped their plates and cut slices
Of the home-made pie.

Red sky at night meant he might get the last
Few truckloads off the home place tomorrow
Before wind or storm flattened everything to the ground.

Tonight it was supper and settling his mother to bed,
Washing some dishes, and putting things away,
Before some reading and a solitary evening...
Before the coming of another day.
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/12228/vinegar-pie-i/
Don Bouchard Dec 2011
Dreamed a little
Dream of you
Last night

Saw you
Standing silently
Beneath my arm

So I reached
Down and hugged
Your self to me

Kissed your hair
Held you only
For a second

Woke up
Found myself
Face in pillow

You were still
Gone
And only tears
Were in my eyes

All day just
Tears
Were in my eyes
Don Bouchard Dec 2016
Snaking around the bend,
Idle and steaming in queue,
Vap'rous auto line.

Steel, plastic, rubber,
Glass, fogged in the morning chill,
Shivering beasts stand.

Signal lights command
Constant comings and goings,
Senseless though they be.

Algorithms smooth
Trafficking in human lives,
Timing everything.

Hunkered here, I chafe
But wait, believing my turn
To be imminent.
Don Bouchard Nov 2013
We have known our share of grief,
Known love realized and unrequited,
Months cluttered into years,
Mused beyond the longing dreams.

I have known our sighing prayers,
Held your mom and gazed the mirrors
To see the man who wears my face
Change beneath time's weight,
Wondered at the lack of hair
(The little left now turning gray),
Contemplated whatever you might say
About our aging ways.

We are unable back to move
Those hands a perfect time to hold,
Are damaged goods ourselves,
Thankful for the good of healing grace,
Longing every hour of every day
To hold you close, to see your face.
Don Bouchard Aug 2014
Stopping on this spinning orb,
I rest a moment in a limbo room
Waiting to see my eye surgeon.

See him, I must.
I have no options.
The appointment was scheduled
Prior to surgery,
Prior to the removal by suction
Of a lens growing opaque;
Prior to insertion of magical plastic,
Now clipped behind the cornea,
Compensating for myopic astigmatism,
Allowing me to see the whole earth
And this waiting room
Without spectacles,
One eye alive,
One eye yet blind.

I have set upon a two-eyed course
One eye finished,
One eye waiting,
"Stepped in so far,
T'were as tedious to go
Back as to go o'er,"
And though Macbeth
I am not,
I am stepped in
And cannot retrace
The course of two weeks
Past or future.

I am waiting in a room adjacent
A place of temporary fixes...
Arrested momentarily in my flight,
I see a glimpse  
Of life-long fixations,
Not a few delusions....
I am suddenly aware
The sensation
That I am resting here
On a planet that is
Only a waiting room....
That when I leave this room,
I will not have left
The predestined course of life,
That I have not avoided
Coming events
Scheduled just outside,
Set in motion by my choosing.
What happens when no suitable reading material lies waiting in the waiting room....
Don Bouchard Apr 2017
We didn't have the pleasure of first meeting:
The get-to-know you touch of tiny hands,
The careful cradling,
The inhalation of all scents new,
The wonder of a being so tiny,
To see if we could find ourselves in you.

Never knew your sleepy sigh,
Your first smile,
The different infant cries:
Hunger, anger, fear,
Or the fidget-whimpering need for words.

Your Mother knew and told your Dad....
They held each other while you grew,
Gathering and stretching,
A silent wonder in her womb,
A sweet surprise, and wanted,
If still a little early...
Too early yet...
Better to wait and make sure....
But always you were awaited
With hopeful joy.

And then one morning,
As though you'd found a better place,
You took your leave in silence,
Left without a face or name
For us to see and know you
When we finally meet.

You need to know we mourn you,
Or perhaps we need you to know...
Regret your passing.

Strange longing this,
For a loved one we have yet to see,
To add someone to the growing list
Of those we miss and long to meet
At Jesus' feet.

----------

But Jesus said, "Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
Matthew 19:14
Don Bouchard Jan 7
We leave not in shouting, not in banging;
Rather, we leave whimpering, most of us.
Forgetting what we thought important,
The gut ache and the nagging cough
From us wrench sentience.

The dimming sounds, the fading lights
Take one-time treasures, held so dear,
Move them away, far out of mind.
What little hold we fast, we cannot think
To speak, though children lean in close.

This is how we leave.
Parent number four is leaving us soon. Watching my wife ministering to her mother brings poetry to me.
Don Bouchard Jul 21
The bucket clanked against the circled well
Then plopped in mud at the bottom as it fell.
Only one bucket then, of murky water
To take to Mandy and their little daughter.

Abner chewed his tooth-marked pipe,
Pulled up his hat a bit to wipe
Running beads of sweat above his brows,
Said, "Whatever will we do now?"

Skies were blue, but tinged in gray
Heat waves rose too early in the day
"Looks bad again this spring for hay,"
Was all his Mandy heard him say.

"River's down beyond the turnouts now.
Ground's too dry and hard to plow.
Two dry years, and three now coming on,"
He cleared his throat. She put the coffee on.

"I talked to Cyril up the road last night,"
He droned, "This drouth may put the family to flight,
And I can't blame him when I see our cattle."
The baby cried when she dropped her rattle.

Mandy stooped to scoop the toy, gave it to their child,
"I can't remember when the country's been so riled
As though the people'd done some terrible wrong
To turn the heavens dry and gray so  long.”
Thinking about Life and Death, this land of beginnings and endings....
Don Bouchard Jul 2021
I the lonely meadowlark
Perched upon the thistle
Waiting the sickled mower to pass

I the cracked egg
Fetal heart slowing, slowing
Death before the hatchling birth

I the hare crouchant
Scarce aware the shadow’s dive
Screeching beneath the talons

I the wind-torn tree
Branches scattered, bleeding sap
Beetles explore the shredded bark

I the fawn uncertain
Edging the splattered highway
Mother shattered in the lane
Vicissitudes of life
Don Bouchard May 2013
I should be outside...
Trees are thinking steady now
Of pushing leaves through
Woody fingertips.

I should be outside...
Geese are guarding eggs...
Golden yolks inside the round
Arrays of speckled grey.

I should be outside...
Foolish grasses wave tender flags
To call my snorting lawnmower
From its winter shed.
(El Toro is its name).

I should be outside...
But no...
I am crunching numbers,
Statistics' slave to keys
Whose metallic smells
Recite the probabilities
Existent in Fra Dante's hells...
Shall I abandon hope if I press "enter"?
Statistic hell is found at data's center.

I should be outside....
The sun is going down;
Night birds are trading calls...
The greebing screech of night hawks'
Wing-air brakes now haw and swoop
Their practicing 'til bugs arrive....

I should be outside...
Forget this chore.
I'm going out.
Tomorrow is another day.
I'm going out to play
OUTSIDE.
Don Bouchard Oct 2014
And you Gollum,
I'd say I am a spinner of apples
Hoping for pies,
A climber of trees
In October skies
And I would be telling
No lies.

And Gollum...
Poor Gollum,
Dweller under the mountain,
Avoider of Orcs,
Fugitive of men,
No longer hobbit,
Eater of pale fish,
You might pause...
Remember just a moment
Hands without claws,
Built for climbing apple trees,
Up in an autumn breeze...
Hands made for reaching
Apples ready for picking.

And you might remember
Cinnamon scents
Of apple tarts and pies
Bubbling fragrant spices
In an oven hot,
Waiting for
A slice
Of cheese,
And your pipe
After.
Apples are made for pies. Come have a slice! (the spinning is done on an old Norpro apple corer/slicer.)
Don Bouchard Aug 2019
For a year or possibly more,
Decompression begins:
Purging electricity, electronics.
Fall away, Internet, Oh!
No more cellular,
**** the television set,
Except, perhaps, a radio,
Lest I totally forget....

Hello, paper,
Hello, books,
Come off the shelves;
Lose those ***** looks,
Warm again before my eyes,
Feel the press of my writing stick.

Thoreau, the fakir,
Left the social order
Just a year,
Though just how far
He really went
Remains foggily unclear,
And the fact that he returned
Suggests that Nature
Left him feeling burned.

So, like a diver,
Rising from the deep,
I'd take a while to meditate,
To let the busyness-es go
And put electric dreams to sleep.
I was asked what I'd do if I were to find myself a year in solitude. Aside from the needfulness or learning and re-learning survival methods, this is what I came up with....
Don Bouchard Apr 2015
She said
Or someone will
Notice
Not us
Will notice
Just others
Are dancing

We should go
She sighed
Or someone may
Go
And not us
Without
Notice.

So,
We went
So
We danced
And everyone else
Noticed
Not us
But the lonely
Old women and men...
Chaperones, silent,
Eagle-eyed, standing
Un-moving, remembering youth...

While we danced.
Don Bouchard Jan 2012
Gertrude

Caught in my *** and in my gender,
Out a king and husband,
Without time to seek a lover;
A son to preserve
His chance at the Line....

What could I do but marry?

He has left me now,
Shaking in my chamber.
A blood streaked line
follows Polonius'
Ignominious retreat
From behind the tapestry
In Hamlet's tow.

What could I do but marry?

I look anew at the two portraits
Chained side by side,
Husbands One and Two;
Re-live young Hamlet's scorning words
And wondering, shudder.

What could I do but marry?

Comes Claudius roaring
To my rooms, his eyes ablaze
My answers tremble, filled with doubt
Of Hamlet's sanity.
New- eyed, I see
The hatred in the King
And fear.

What could I do but marry?
Hamlet's mother, Gertrude, engages in a soul-searching, if self-protecting, introspection....
Don Bouchard Apr 2016
("...Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers: Little we see in Nature that is ours...." -- W. Wordsworth)

What do I really own, and what is only on loan?
Is the stretch of road ahead of me mine;
Is the place really mine I am looking to hold,
Stamped with my God-given right and design;
Is the future I think I can see set in gold?

In the traffic of life,
Our travels must merge;
Shall I jostle and strive
Or peacefully seek to converge
With fellow travelers who surge?

We fret and we scurry; we fight and we worry;
All through our lives we compete
To claim more than the road at our feet,
Never content nor complete.
"Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers,
Little do we see in Nature that is ours.  
In a Wordsworth frame of mind today.....
http://www.bartleby.com/145/ww317.html
Don Bouchard Feb 2014
Truth starts with a capital T...
Makes up the rules...
Doesn't ask me?

What if truths I throw His way
Don't affect Truth with a capital T...
At the end of the road, the end of the day...
When Truth has His say?

Oh me.
Oh miserable me.

What if at the end of the road, at the end of the day,
Truth stands to ask what I've done...
My opinions don't count, with no other Way,
Oh won't that be fun at the end of my run?

Oh what will I say?
Oh what will I say?

What if I see Truth has a capital T,
If I listen to Truth to let it change me?
If at the end of the road, stands Truth as I've said,
Aligned with the Truth, I'll have nothing to dread.
Don Bouchard Jan 2016
What kind of man is this
To report his mother for begging him
To abandon hateful folly?

What son is this, so depraved,
Would shoot her in the public square
With jeering blood-seekers cheering?

What kind of god must this man seek,
To end the life of the one who gave him life,
To what end would such a god demand obeisance?

Perhaps a god this is,
Whose thirst for blood would raise
The dripping flags of war
And bathe the world neck-deep,
Up to the horses' bridles in gore,
But he's no god of mine.

This god is not the One
Who sent His only Son
To give His Life in the name of peace,
To save His friends and love His enemies.

This god is in rebellion,
Denying his own creation,
Lying to himself,
Reviling peace
Because it bears the image of
The One True God.

Enviously manipulating,
Beguiling the children of Eve,
Desecrating the human form,
Dividing the human race,
Heaping doom upon doom,
Calling damnation on himself.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/07/middleeast/isis-fighter-executes-mother-reports/
Don Bouchard Oct 2012
If you laugh, my love,
What will I do?
I'll see the world in brighter hue,
And I will laugh with you.

If you smile, my love,
What will I do?
I'll rest easy, seeing such a view,
And I'll repay your smile to you.

If you frown, my love,
What will I do?
I'll never rest to see your frown,
And I'll run fast to hunt it down,
And when I do,
I'll bring a smile right back to you.

If you agree to hold my hand, my only love,
What will I do?
I'll take your hand and share the hold;
I'll hold your hand while we grow old.

And if you die?
What will I do?
I'll wait in silent memory of your laugh;
I'll wait my life to seek your smile again;
I'll hold you gently in my memory's hand;
I'll wait, of course, and see you once again.
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