You hate yourself? What do you mean?

I mean I hate every part of me. I hate the way my hair looks. I hate my thighs, I hate my stomach, I hate my face, I hate my mind, I hate every last bit of me. Its like being trapped with one person you hate with all your heart, the one you find just repulsive, absolutely disgusting and horribly ugly, forever. You know how sometimes you'll look in the mirror and even though you don't like yourself most days, you'll have a day where you can look in the mirror and say, "wow I look good" and be confident? I NEVER HAVE THOSE DAYS. EVER. When I look in the mirror I see the ugliest thing ever. I see my worst enemy. I see my every flaw, because flaws are all I'm made up of.

I hate myself
every little thing
the voice in my head
often reminds me
I should be dead

I hate myself
every tiny detail
my body my face
everything I wish
I could easily replace

I hate myself
every thing I do
I talk too much
and think too much
and wish I could find you

I hate myself
every thought I think
I imagine images
of a happy version
of you and me

I hate myself
every word I say
The words that pour out
the way they are phrased
the words I shouldn't have said

I hate myself
every little thing
I wish someone cared
I wish someone could see
this invisible me

I hate myself
every small wish
I wish to die
I wish to sink
but I never do
bc I'm scared to go through

I hate myself
for being so weak
for not being able to fix
the broken thing that is me

I hate myself. I hate my mind. I hate my body. I hate the way I speak. I hate my emotions. I hate my physical feelings. I hate my life. I hate my writing. I hate my thoughts. I hate the disjointed voices. I hate the way I walk. I hate the way I move. I hate the wayi eat, if I do at all. I hate the things I read. I hate the taste of my own blood. I hate my cheeks. I hate my teeth. I hate my torn up fingers. I hate my scars. I hate my bruises. I hate my hair. I hate my eyes. I hate my smile. I hate my lips. I hate my nose. I hate my diseases. I hate my depression. I hate my suicide. I hate my ADHD. I hate my anxiety. I hate my rumored schizophrenia. I hate my memories. I hate that people like me. I hate that people love me. I hate that people hate me. I hate being alone, but I hate being social. I hate the things I draw. I hate the things I talk about. I hate the treatment I go to. I hate how I try to help. I hate the things I learn. I hate my pain. I hate my blindness. I hate my voice. I hate my hearing. I hate the bracelet that pinches me. I hate the nise it makes. I hate the way the metal smells. I hate the bile in my throat when I feel guilty or scared. I hate the way I bite the inside of my mouth to bake myself bleed. I hate when I scratch and don't remember. I hate the way I shake when I cry. I hate being comforted. I hate when people talk to me. I hate wanting to go on even though I can't. I hate wanting to end this. End it all.

oh my god
i miss you
i miss the way
you'd say
"Hi, baby. I missed you."
oh my god
i miss that so much
i miss your sweet words
your soft lips
i miss your
lovely hair
i miss your beautiful green eyes
and you said that you miss me
you don't know
how much that meant to me
you brought out the best in me
a part of me I've never
seen
and i know
i know
that you won't hurt me again
and if you do
i don't think i'll forgive you this time.





m.g.

"i don't feel like talking to you"
that hurts
and i didn't do anything wrong
you have no right
to get mad at
me
we broke up
you broke up
with me
and he misses me
you have a girlfriend
don't get mad at me
because my ex
misses me
you're my ex too
and i still had feelings
for you
and you had the god
**** nerve to bring up girls
you like
in front of me
when i still had
feelings for you
honestly,
if you can just ignore me so easily
i don't think we should
be around
each other.




m.g.

Is that the lowest moment?
When you don't dare to wear shorts because of the scars that cover your legs.
And then you're sitting there at the dinner table with your family,
And they keep on telling you to eat,
But all you mutter is "I'm not hungry",
When you actually are.
You're starving but your image is worth more than a meal.
You eat a few bites just to shut them up,
And then run to the bathroom to rid yourself of it,
To make sure you can fit into those jeans,
The ones that could stand you losing another 5 pounds.
You get used to the lies of:
"I'm not hungry"
"I ate before I came"
And "oh yeah I'm fine, just tired".
Is that your lowest point,
When the only food you're feeding yourself is lies?