do not fall in love with me
i will only breathe you in so deep,
you will not be able to escape.
i will constantly rearrange your consonants
and syllables to make you
more symetric.
do not fall in love with me
i will only **** you in,
surpass every expectation
you've ever had of me,
spit you out,
and sew your
unapologetic apologies
into ****** poetry.
do not fall in love with me.

you:
a guilt-seeking, vindictive missile
headed straight for my heart.
me:
a demolished pile of dust;
a humiliated heart in ruins.

sometimes it feels like
the air's escaped my lungs
or a symphony of synchronized sighs or maybe even a free fall into the fog at night
i know that it's been a while
even though it still ****** like a pinwheel spinning in gusts of wind going 90 mph
or maybe like the air's been ****** out of my lungs
or maybe like a river runs out of my crying eyes
or maybe
i'm just...
being
******* dramatic

the day the city we built came crumbling down is the day i asked myself over and over again:

were you not level headed,
were you tipsy turvy,
were you drowsy eyed,
when there were earthquakes erupting from your palms?
were you even ok,
when you shoved me in the back of your "junk drawer" in your mind
did you even try to know what it felt like when i erased you from my wasted time
did you flight or fight
or did you even try to understand
when your palms were trembling like earthquakes?

I WANT:
to visit history musems
and make our own.
i want to take walks
down old beaten paths,
and see sunsets in unfamiliar places
I WANT:
to breathe in your sigh
while looking at the harvest moon,
hold your weary face in the morning
and murmur,
"everything will be alright"
I WANT:
to transcend my happiness
into your chest
I WANT:
to believe that
cold winter nights
aren't just the memories
only you love,
I WANT:
what we *aren't

i miss my blonde summer
hair
i miss the way you were
there
and how when we talked about nothing
and it always turned into
something
i miss the hazy days
together
and the way they went on
forever
sometimes though,
i felt
alone
and sometimes though,
you were
home
(whenever i was with you)
but most times though,
you
weren't
and that
hurt
and now i know i was
wrong
for believing you when
you sang your stupid, stupid
songs
quivering lips softly
bitten
while the end was starting to be
written
i really did
care....
guess it's too good to be true
when he makes you feel like you're dancing on air

november screamed
breaking at the seams
waiting to be free
aching to be relieved
october was you and me
october danced
felt like flying above the world
and made the real-life problems
look like ants
october breathed,
october was you
and me

time flies by
and so does the wind against my window pane
rain drops concoct a symphony:
plink
plink
plink
my body is comfortably numb
though,
my thoughts are quite the opposite

time flies by and so do the feelings inside my head
they are lost
searching for some sort of salvation,
searching for you,
running,
walking,
crawling
for you.

time flies by and so do my memories of you
i revisit them
the good, the bad,
and the broken
if it's healthy-
it hurts
if it's haunting-
it hurts.

time flies by while i waste away in bed
and i wonder if you are,
too.

sometimes when i'm driving,
sometimes when it's a little past midnight,
i play that song on my radio
and i turn it up loud
in hopes that you'll be able to hear it
and it's not that i do it
to wallow in my self-pity
i do it because it
feels like a blow to my face
everytime i hear the songs spew out of my speakers
and to be honest,
that feels better than nothing
sometimes i leave little things behind,
sometimes i leave little pieces of my heart
in old songs
with old memories

i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry


*sorry...

today i listened to music and cried
for the first time in
a really long time
it still hurts

Peter Pan had nothing on you
truely a Lost Boy,
Sad but charming
no direction
but only a destination
Off to Never-Neverland
don't like Metallica
but sure do like you.

i keep telling myself:
stop romanticizing everyone who ****** up your life
**they ****** up your life

THE WAY YOU LOOKED AT ME COULD MAKE A NEW BORN CHILD SWOON

2. THE THE FRECKLES ON YOUR NOSE WERE LIKE TINY STRAWBERRY SEEDS

3. THE CURLS FELL PERFECTLY ACROSS YOUR OCEAN EYES LIKE THE CONTINENTAL DRIFT

4. WHEN YOU SPOKE, WHAT LEFT YOUR MOUTH TRANSCENDED FROM YOUR HEART

5. THE WORLD REVOLVED AROUND YOU

6. TOMORROW IS TUESDAY

7.  THAT THE SKELETONS IN MY CLOSET ALL LEAD BACK TO YOURS

8. FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I AM HUMBLED TO HAVE KNOWN YOU (at least, i wish)

9. YOU WERE JUST ANOTHER LESSON I LEARNED THE HARD WAY

10. *******

i yearn so dearly
to be intricate
and nomadic
but for now
i'm bound to this town that's gone to ****
and with these people so scared of change
while i am,
on the other hand:
*hungry for it

you and me -
we were like a train wreck waiting to happen
like watching animal planet by yourself late at night
about a lion stalking young gazelle in the sahara
and trying to turn your head
when he goes in for the ****
but you can't
you always told me,
"hey, love is pain"
but this kind of pain hurt so bad
it felt good
i liked it when you ripped my heart out
so swiftly and remorselessly
i was your conquest,
and you,
my conquerer
the lines you  told me
the last day we spoke
i now have so religiously memorized
and i play on repeat
over,
and over,
and over again
and ever since
i haven't wanted to wait for another train wreck to happen again

awoken by a hazy and golden sunrise
i stumbled
from the dewy tangled grass,
head pounding -
almost as hard as the day you left me
i found myself in the field of daisies,
(the same kind of flowers that lay withered for weeks
on my bedside table)
the fragrance pierced my consciousness and before i knew it
we were sitting on that park bench under the moon light
with tiny wild daisies in your one hand -
your other on my thigh
we never would have guessed
that i'd be half drunk a year later
on your memories in a field of ******* daisies

where were you when
you were not level headed
and the city seemed to turn to dust
where were  you when
you were drowsie eyed,
and the air was too dry to breathe
while
earthquakes
erupted  from your palms
and you shoved me in the back of  the  "junk drawer" in your mind for "future safe-keeping"
and the city so full of love
came tumbling down
and so did the drawer...
where were you when
my heart
was
in
ruins
?

i write the best
when i am sitting alone in my room
and thinking of you
i write best
when you are the footsteps
inside my head
traveling the spiralling staircase of my consciousness
and you are about to
jump
i write best
when i am spinning and marveling, and just sighing your name
into an empty room
i fill it up with your essense
i bottle you up
then i spit you out
through words on a piece of paper,
i evacuate every other thought in my head
and i,
breathe you in
i write best when i am alone in my room
and
i feel best when i am alone in my room
with you

what does it mean to be in love?

is it:
a synchronized system of sighs
?
is it:

an everlasting eternity of evolution
?
is it:

like placing hot coals on your heart?

tell me -
how every freckle formed on your face
,
and how 
you got that scar that runs through 
your nose like a river

tell me -

who is it that you want to be 
when you look in the mirror 
every morning,
what stops you from jumping off the roof
,
and how many times have you actually prayed to god
?
tell me -
what is a synchronized system of sighs?
what does it mean to be in love?

i would write about you
but i don't want to share you
i would say:
"our lips were carved perfectly for one another's to fit"
(and more ******* like that)
i would say:
"my heart feels like a shaken up bottle of coke every time you look at me
and when you press your mouth against the can, i explode
i would say:
"my name sounds like music when it dances on your tounge"
i would say:
"isn't it funny that all of this -
and i still can't love you?"

and there's one thing i can't tell:
if it's you
or this winter weather
that's got me feeling so
blue

and i never knew how much
i wanted love
and despised it
at the same time,
until
i met you

i keep swimming
around the tiny puddle of you
in the backroads of my mind
my elbows barely fit and
you refuse to let that stop me,
i am submerged, heart-first
you are there
you are there
you are there and you make sure of it
you are not a lake,
you are not vast, you are not deep,
you do not even have a tide
but you are there
and my elbows fit (barely)

i wonder 
if it’s like de ja vú

listening to the same ****** music

in the same ****** car

on the same ****** road 

i wonder 
if you glance over while going 60 in a 25

and wish you’d spontaneously combust

when the person beside you 
isn’t me

because i do every night

there is nothing poetic
about the way you smash your drums in
like you smash memories

there is nothing poetic about the way you recite words
that mean everything to you

but do not live by

there is nothing poetic about how you look to the left
because the right way is never your way 

there is nothing poetic deep under your ‘skin’
there is nothing poetic about finding a better place to ‘fit in’
there is nothing poetic about the way you percieve the world or what kind of music you listen to or the way you dress or the way you feel when you are alone and looking at the stars

there is nothing poetic about the smell of camp fire or peter pan or metallica
because we’re off to neverland 

only, you’re off to nowhere 

there is nothing poetic about you

there is nothing poetic about you