No one really knows how I honestly feel,
Daily I think of ways to **** myself,
And I have to fight that off,
Yet it never goes away,
No one knows I paint on my smile for school,
And for the public,
But I get home in my room,
And I brake,
And thinking "no one understands"
I really am just ready to let my thoughts..
win..

'you look pretty today'*          *you look prettier still...'you too'

'i love you'                              how could you?, 'i love you too'

'you're my bestfriend'         *why? im just me? 'your my bestfriend too'

no one really understands...
i feel fat, huge, disgusting, to  the point that i am uncomfortable in social scenes and my own body...
nothing fits my body right, at all.
and they say its because im 'so curvy for my age', please just quit lying to me.
quit telling me im pretty, or im so skinny, and curvy.
im disgusting.
i dont understand why other people dont see it...
i can list something wrong with every part of my body... and the fact that im friends with this one girl who is just gorgeous at all times, just hurts more, but its not her fault im ugly...
its not her fault that she lies to me,
society tells her its okay to.
just so it will make me feel a little better for a fraction of a second.
but i see through the lies,
i feel the nasty looks and looks of pity i get.
i see the looks that i get that say 'i cant believe shes so ugly...'

I'm Fine
    I'm not fine. please help me
                  
                       *I'm just tired
                              I can't take this anymore
    
I already ate
    I starve myself
            
                                                   Go away
                                                           *Show me you care enough to stay

I'm just cold
      I don't want you to see my scars

                                                                I'm better, I promise
                                                                      I've never been this bad

I'm Cold
     *I just want to die

I was so close,
Last night,
And you stopped me,
Why?

Do you hate me,
That ******* much,
I'm hurting,
Broken,
Disgusted with myself,
Sick in many ways,

I don't see why you,
Insist to keep me here,
Let me go,
I know it'll hurt,
But let me go,
Because one big thing is,

I don't want to be here without you,
I told you that,
Yet I am,
So let me go away,
To another place,
And just stay there,
For a good bit,
We will meet up someday.

"I'm saying you need to find your happiness."
she said..

"You were my ******* happiness"
I replied..

"Were..."*
she said..

"That's because there is NO US and that was my happiness so I guess this is me until I die.."*
I replied..