One day
Things will change
You will regret
All the dumb
Choices you've made

One day
Things will get better
I'll forget you
You never made me
Any better

One day I
Will be happy
Without you
In my life

One day
Things wil be okay
You and me
Separate entities

Dear muse

Dozen times Ive tried
Writing the pain away
Memory doesnt so
Easily fade

The thing is
I dont want to
Feel any of this
Not sad or angry or hurt

I dont know
How to make this
All better

Turn me back into a person
Not a shell
Struggling to
Define the worth of life

Dear muse
If I die now
I hope you feel
Enough to know
What we had was
Real to me

Dear muse
I thought you
Were different
That you may
Keep your promises
Or actually stay

Who am I kidding?
You left like it
Was your job and I
Acted like that was okay

I feel so cliche
Missing you when
Lets face it
Whatever love you told me
Was a lie and

It makes no sense
Why did you have to lie?
Things coulda been different
At least I tried

Dear muse
I should have
Known better than to
Think you'd stay
Like an invitation to
Walk away

Dear muse
Are you proud of
How much you hurt me?
I've never wrote to anyone
As much as I have
About you

Is it good? or bad?
That you left me so broken

I'm still waiting
For it to get better
One week later and
Still...
Beating myself up over you

Dear muse
Will this pain ever go away?

You think I need to be saved
But how in the world
Are you going to save me
When I can't even save myself?

Attacked at every angle
Outside forces
Inside forces
School home
Fighting the pains of
Being all alone

Try hard as you might
Stick by my side
Hold my hand
Guide me to a better place

You fought
For me
For us
To keep me strong
I knew you'd never save me
I was already too far gone

Dearest Spencer
You were the one thing
That made me feel
With you I was
Happy,
I was somebody
Now I'm nothing

Nothing is the same
Without you here
I need you now
To keep me here
On this planet
In this world
I need you now
Stay with me forever

I just wanna feel
Happy for once
Instead of this sadness
That consumes me
Why is it so hard
To find somebody
Who accepts me
Who makes me happy

Trapped inside my mind
Betrayed by my body
Everything about me is a lie

Anxiety keeps me
Locked inside myself
Too afraid to get out there
Knowing nobody would like me

Depression reminds me
How horrible I am
Keeps me away from people
So I won't hurt them

My body is a trap
It says girl
But I don't feel like that

Everything about me
Is a lie
I hope one day
I can find the truth

Dear muse
I thought I was
Closer to
Being over you
Man do I wish
That was true

This morning i cried
Again over you
Feeling so much hurt
Yet all it felt was empty

You were
Everything to me
Still are and I am
Unsure of
What went wrong

Dear muse
I miss you
I love you
Why
Why dont you
Feel it too?

19 years of
Thinking it's okay
My parents are happy
They'll always be together

Now they're not
THings have changed
They're divorcing
I have to pretend it's okay

What do you care
That I’ve got nothing to lose?
Nothing and no one precious enough
To want to hold on to?

What do you care
If I disappear
Never made a mark on this world
Just left the same
Broken,
Meaningless
Way I arrived here?

What would you think
If I said nothing at all
Just left you and this place
With no warning at all?

Would you care if I disappear?
Don’t you know that there’s
Hardly anything left for me here?
All I have left is everything
That I pretend is real

Don’t you know how
Much I care?
But not even
This happy feeling
Could keep me holding
Onto the life I have here

Don’t you know
Just how I feel
You’re the last thing
I have to hold on to-
here

Don’t you understand
All the pain I’m in
I can’t stand this
Horribly sad
World we’re living in


I just want this world
To disappear around me
Have everyone go away
I don’t want to be here anymore
I wish these could be the last words I say
Maybe I can hold onto you
Wait until I’m worse off- maybe
Maybe die another day

You know
You know
It's more than just a crush
You know
You know
This is more than love
You know
You know
That you could be the one
For me

Baby you are the only one
Who makes my heart beat fast
Whose love will last
You give me shivers
Up my spine
The only thing that
Occupies my mind

You're the one keeping me alive
Knowing I have you
Makes me less afraid to die

Everything about her
Was perfection
Her laugh her smile her nose

Love was all I
Felt around her
I never felt anything bad
Always safe and secure

She hated herself
Could never see
Beauty in her flaws

She never believed
When I told her I loved her
One day she
Stopped loving me
But she'll always
Mean the world to me

Waiting for class to start
Is way too boring
Sitting in a silent room
Full of anxious teenagers
Yeah sounds like fun
Too bad for me
I don't have the option
To get up and run

I never knew how bad
Love could actually be
How love could be the
Best thing ever
Yet your love
Destroyed me left me
Wrecked and alone
Forced to Pick up the pieces
Like moving on was an option

People sugarcoat love
Tell you all the good things
Like how you will feel
Butterflies every time they're around
Their smile lights up a room
How everything feels
Better when they're around

With you I felt
Safe enough to
Let down my walls
Let you in
I felt not alone
Like even though
I didn't belong you
Created a place
Where I almost belonged

You knew
Everything about me
From my favorite color
You knew I had two
Black and blue
To calming my nerves
How to deal with my insecurities
Yet you made me feel like
Everything I hated about
Myself was perfect

As a kid I knew about
Deaths and breakups
I never knew death
Would be the
Cause of our breakup
Your life taken
Way too soon

Would a breakup have
Been any easier
Breaking up means
You don't love me anymore
Death means there was
Still love there

You didn't
Choose to leave
I wonder if you had the chance
Would you have stayed

I still love you
Constantly reminded of
You and I wonder
If I'll ever find someone
Like you

Words
What do they mean?
Who do they benefit?
My words never
Come in my favor

I say something
It gets twisted
I speak my mind
I get shut down
I don't speak up
I'm hiding something


Maybe once I stop
Stop opening up
Stop talking
Maybe that's when
You'll finally learn
How to listen

I really like him
More than just a crush
What do I say?
What do I do?
Should I go up and
Tell him the truth?

What if he doesn't like me
Maybe he'll hate
For having these feelings

Without the fear
It's easy to think
What if he likes me too

I want to cry
I want to die
I want to cut
I want to purge
I'm not part of your world

I feel like cutting
I crave the blood and the pain
I want to see it fall down my arm
If only I had a blade and a way to
Cover up my scars

I feel like purging
I'm too fat and ugly
To be part of this world

I can't stop the pain
Can't hold on to life anymore
Maybe it's time for me
To just let go
Everyone would be
Better off without me

Can't you see all I'm doing
Is hiding behind these lies
I'm broken down
Can't fight back
All these demons inside

I want to die
I want to cut
I want to purge
I'm not part of your world

I'm falling in love
While my world is
Falling apart

The truth leads to
Horrible things
So maybe I should
Just lie next time

Just the two us
Together forever
Basking in our love

We could do anything
Go anywhere we want
And still, we'd have fun

At the beach
At the park
In the woods
Or the pool

Anywhere we are
Is the place to be
Because there's
No one better
Than you and me

Take me in and hold me tight,
Let me stay with you through this endless night,
Don’t wanna leave; go away
Wanna sprout wings and fly away, just so long as you’re here to stay
Just wanna be around to here you say it’s gonna be alright it’s gonna be okay
Please I’ll do anything just let me stay
Hold me in your arms I promise you that I’ll never run away
Take me in and hold me tight,
Let me stay with you through this endless night,
Don’t wanna leave; go away
Wanna sprout wings and fly away, just so long as you’re here to stay
Trust in me and I’ll trust you,
I’ll do whatever you want me to
Never stray I know we’ll be okay

I get all nervous
When he looks at me
I wonder of he likes me
When he walks by
My heart just flutters
When he smiles at me
I feel real it's
Almost like I'm happy
Maybe it's just me
But maybe he
Thinks of me too

I once told my mom
I wanted to be a boy
She, of course
Thought it was a joke
Because how could my
Feelings possibly be legitimate

She was like
Just because you don't
Like having *****
Doesn't make you a boy
(Mom, I don't like
"girl parts" or "boy parts"
Human anatomy is plain gross)

How about the fact that
I identify with nothing "girly"
I don't like makeup, dresses,
Never played with dolls or
Anything of that nature

I hate the color pink
I hate butterflies and rainbows

I hate this
Having to pretend
I'm someone I'm not

I never look presentable
I don't like to shave
Would rather not
Have to brush my hair

I don't even like girls clothes
I'd rather go in the boy section
Wear cologne instead of perfume
So much inside me
Screams
YOU'RE NOT A GIRL
Maybe I'm not
I don't feel like a boy either

I'm not broken
My hearts just shattered
Into a million little
Pieces of dust

Will you save me?
Put me back together
If there's anything left

My soul is still intact
There's hope
That there might be
Something left

I have resorted to lying
I have learned that
People don't want to hear the truth

Nobody knows what it's like
Who I really am
Smiling and laughing
Wondering why I
Was even put here
I shouldn't be

People think I'm better
Just because I'm not
Talking about my depression
Just because I don't
Broadcast how ******
Every moment of every day is
Doesn't mean it's not there

You talk too little
There's something wrong
They want to know
What's inside your head
Don't be fooled
They're not
Really trying to save you

You talk too much
People get so
Tired of you
Your voice is a fly
Consistent and unwanted

All the time people ask
How are you?
How was your day?
Are you okay?
Not because they want to know
Asking is an obligation

I've learned to lie
Present the person
Everyone wants me to be

They don't know
Will never see the
Constant struggle
Figuring out
Who I want to be
While keeping up the charade

I have resorted to lying
I have learned that
People don't want to hear the truth
The person I've created
She isn't me

My girl is such a beauty
What's more is she's so lovely
Forms a smile from a frown
Makes the world go
Round and round

My girl she's the one
Who makes me whole
Completes my world

Half of my heart is broken

Shattered into pieces

Thrown across the floor

Half of my heart is empty

Trying to find something

Concrete to hold onto

Half of my heart is confused

Trying to figure out the truth

Even with all the lies

Half of my heart

Is still in love with you

My momma always told me
Never to believe in love

I learned for myself
That love isn't real

People just use you
Always want something from you'

It's hard to believe
I'll ever find someone
Who truly cares for me

I'm dead and gone
So ready to die
dreaming of suicide
blades are my only friends
they make me happy
bring me to the end

six feet
Under
Isn't all it's
Cracked up to be
Death won't
Ever call to me

Pretty hard to deal with
All this pain right now

Dear muse
Part of me
Wants to thank you
For giving me
Inspiration to
Write again

Maybe you didnt
Know Ive been having
Trouble with words and
Insecurities but ****

Hell you
Created for me
Lead to this
Burst of energy

Creativity was
Oozing from my mind
Bursting out inside
Last remaining
Shards of my heart

These words
Falling onto the page
I dedicate them all to you
This is what you deserve

Dear muse
I hope you
See this someday
Know how bad
Your "love" scarred me

Most peoples heart
Break
Maybe even they
Shatter
But mine has
Crumbled

My heart has
Fought a
Losing battle for too long
Has no will to go on
For reasons I will never understand
I am still here

Does the one
Who broke me
Really think they can
Piece my heart back to
Its shattered form

Do you see me-
I mean the real me
Not this image I
Half-heartedly portray myself to be

Do you know me
Anything about what’s inside
Or the pain I go through
Each and every day

Who do you think you are
To say you know me
When everything you see is a lie
The truth isn’t something you want to hear

Into girls
Ino guys
I like this
I like that
I go both ways
And that's that

When I was younger
You could either be
Straight, gay or lesbian

Bisexual existed
But that usually
Translated to
"You're confused"
"It's just a phase"
"Experimentation is okay"

Anything other than
Straight or lesbian
Seemed like a taboo

I am not straight
I am not a lesbian
I am stuck
Here in the
Land of the inbetween

How easy it was for him to fall for me
How easy it was for me to get attached
Put my faith and trust in him
End up falling in love with him
How easy it was for him to hurt me
Turn away and forget all about me


Yet how hard it was
For him to stay in love
Get a ring or go
Down on one knee
At the very least
Prove he loved me

Little pieces of my heart
Scattered on the ground

Little fragments my soul
Etched into the clouds

Little ties of the past
Forge my reality

Part of me is bound
To the present

While my truth
Lies in the future

Your words they bite
Like venom from a snake
Inserting themselves
Right into my veins

They flow right through me
Move to the rhythm of the beat
Causing me to act on impulse
Change who I am
Heed the call of the wild
Just for you
To accept me

You don't know
No you don't care
What your words
Have done to me
Created the heartbeat
Dead inside of me

She spends all day
Up in her room
Dreaming of a better place
A castle guarded by a dragon
Where her Prince Charming
Whisks her away
To a new land

She types her feelings away
Writes them down
For the world to see
Nobody knowing who she is

She doesn't know
Who she is or
Who to be
Kept getting
Caged in by society

She is ordinary
A lonely girl
With dreams of
Finding somewhere new

But what she doesn't know
Someone out there is waiting for her
To let her know how
Extraordinary she is

Maybe I like him
Yeah it's true
I like this boy

I wish I had
The courage to
Go up and say
I like you boy
Do you like me too

Him and me
Aren't the perfect match
Not a good couple
That tears my heart in two

No matter how much
I want it to work out
He will always be
Too good for me

Wings broken
Grounded to the Earth
Staying here
Even though I know
I'd find happiness elsewhere

Fly away fly away
Find a place
Called home to stay

Little bird
Once you grow up
You'll take your wings
Fly somewhere safe to stay

Dear muse
Another day
Without you
Leaving me alone
Despite the fact
Youre already gone

I dont get it
Why it was
So easy for you to
Leave
Forget about us

We were perfect
Now everything feels wrong

Dear muse
Help me
Understand
Where it
All went wrong

Fighting this battle
All alone
No one's there to save me
From the demons
Crawling inside of me
Threatening to
Burst and make
Me implode

They are coming up
Beating me
Maybe this is
All my fault
That I'm too weak
To fight the demons off

All alone
With the demons
Wandering, wishing, waiting
For someone to save me
Would someone understand me please

I never feel my anxiety
Creeping in on me
It crashes down in
Waves of panic and horror

When it finally reaches shore
It's pulling back
Waiting to attack again

There's no real
Calm inside this storm
Swirling in my mind

When the waves hit
Gotta brace for impact
Lest it pull you under

Don’t know what to say
When I’m around you
And I don’t know how to act or who to be
When I’m near you
Somebody tell me what I’m supposed to do
Cuz you’re driving me crazy
I hope you feel this way too

You, you, you
What should I say
You, you, you
How do I act
You, you, you who am I supposed to be
You, you, you
What am I supposed to do
Because you, you, you, you are driving me crazy

These feelings won’t fade away
You’ll never stop driving me crazy
With you I’m always up
When I’m with you
The world stops and
It’s just the two of us
With you I wouldn’t care if the world decided to cave in on us

Growing up
Going to school
Making friends

Get to high school
Make the grade
For a good future

Go to college to
Get a degree
Find a job

Never knowing what's real
Just moving along
Because that's what society wants

Dear muse
How unlucky
I still dont
Know what to
Do without you

Its unfortunate
Really that
Everyone else will
Get compared to
What we had

Even worse
Its very possible
It was nothing
That part of you was
Fiction-
Just the part that loved me

Im not sure
Where it all went wrong
How we wasted
Emotion fawning over each other
When most of it was
Likely a lie

Dear muse
So much of me
Wants you dead
But who would I be
Had I never met thee

Dear muse
You are the
Worst of everyone
Who hurt me
Which is saying a lot

You knew all the
Insanity people put
Me through
Knew the way to
Get under my skin

You lied when you
Could have been honest
Did six years of friendship mean
Nothing to you?
Was any of this real?

Dear muse
Ive already lost
My will to fight this
Already forgiven you
All I wish is you
Would love me too