Headed for hard
Hard time for me
I know where I'm headed
It's no mystery

I'm headed for hard
I will not live free
I will not back down
From thyne enemies

Who torment and taunt me
Since I was three
Don't know where they're headed
Know only 'bout me

I must track them down
Put them in defeat
But, do not know how
To do this legally

The crime families torturing
Me all these years
Will die in a blood bath
I'll draw from my tears

My parents and siblings
Who've stolen my wealth
Will soon live in fear
When their beaten with belts

My rage will continue
Upon criminals
Who pretend they're important
With Badges; In robes

Then I will burn down
All celebrities
Homes if they're drunken
Or ****** babies

Living politicians
Will not be safe at all
When I chain them then, drag them
Down what's called the mall

The fat cat and kitty
I've told you before
Will die with their doorman's
Blood on their door

No one will be safe
Once sent out on my rage
I'll just "**** 'em all"
'Till I'm thrown in a cage

No one will learn
The world will not change
But, I'll have my vengeance
And justice some day

I'm headed for hard
I will not live free
I will not back down
From mine enemy

I'm headed for hard
It's hard time for me
John Law will find me
I'll never be freed

i believe your heart is just overgrowth sworn to a secret oath of her bleach stained teeth, what was and what never will be. i sleep with buckets beside my bed and tear stained pillow cases and a knife under one of my mattresses. i wake up with a head heavy with dread and most early mornings i feel like i could be dead, but i know that i'm not because the knife is still under my bed.
and she kissed my forehead in my sleep and i held his hand under the tree where in real time people never meet, junkies just take turns staying there and sleep. i held a heart there. i held it in my hands and it was beating until there was something like a scream, i still think it was the wind.



the way the sunset skips some houses is really prophetic for the way some families in those houses become too broken to be noticed. the way the tops of the mountains can be seen on the darkest nights at times helps me understand the sounds the strings make and the sounds small creatures make when they awake. this chest is full of unmeasurable emotion that gave so many the notion that i don't know how to love, only curse the things that can't curse me back. i am skillful at allowing you to know my eyes and know my lies and the truth is i will never love anyone like i love the way i can make them love me late at night. i will never love. love never. never enough.

months ago on a friday night the bouquet of different memories we passed around was haunted by this idea that we could extract all of the hard parts from ourselves, all of the sad parts, and create god with it. everyone fell asleep that night and i went outside and buried this bouquet because i know that if there is such a god, he is sadder than all of us. we could never recreate something that's already been made with such disgrace to be full of anymore distaste, so we won't. we never will. our voices stay shrill now and some nights our ghosts steal our voices and run away to be near this tree, and they scream and scream and scream.

She was only a child, 

Tranquil in the distance,

Didn’t know a thing about love.

You came, and with just a subtle effort,

She let you in.

Innocence became thinner,

Established a lot of 
firsts.
Every action led to a downward *****.

“At last! Someone loves me,” she thought.
You made her want to see every light of dawn.

She thought wrong.

She was just a child,

Tranquil in the distance,

Didn’t know a thing about love.

That’s why she never got the chance,
To differentiate receiving someone’s love,
From feeding on broken trust.

Blinded by her feelings,

Fooled by your words,

Suppressed her senses to the inevitable,

Confined herself in the “us” world.

She was still a child,

Yet, you ruined her tranquility.

She didn’t know a thing about love,

So you gave her falsity.

You came and made an elusive effort,

For her to let you in, 

Then left her to wonder,

“Did I love you wrongly?”

We came together,
To rebuild from the pieces,
Left after the storm.

Emergent through emotion
In a sychophantic way,
Thrilling through my system
In recall of teaching’s fray.
Those years of inspiration
As an aspirant of they…
That concrete mass of youthfulness
Wherein I spent my day.

Each hour of nervous questing,
Each confrontation stored,
Each shred of indignation
When the master plan proved flawed.
Through gyroscopic reason,
Through footless halls of pain,
An exultation’s bright explosion
When that child said... “Please explain?’

And the myriad of starburst
When the sky came crashing down
When, as if, by touch of magic….
Realisation there…profound!
From within that mass of granite-ness
Poured enlightenment as gold
And hot jewels of satisfaction
Flowed within this soul… untold.

M.

do you think you have it?
cause I want to hide from you
living in defense
don't try to steal from me

the panic in your voice says
you think you lost it
never mind that
It was never yours to begin with

come into my space
show me what you've done
maybe it's too far gone
I think I feel undone

with the breeze, it crosses by
touched my skin
and touched my thigh
pierced my soul
you caught my eye

sharper grip against the grain
don't live in this vein
never mind the fear
you'll find it all in here

have you ever believed
in something so blindly
so genuinely
that the moment you realize
it isn't true, something inside you
changes forever?
i wanna tell you a story, see
seldom do i ever
go swimming in drinks
deep enough to drown in
but when i do
i speak in tongues
about things that none
of my memories
are allowed to talk about
like that christmas
at the isthmus
where my girlfriend
plucked a conch shell
whiter than gods teeth
out of the sand
held it to her ear
and stopped time
that day she was a shade of blue
the could've made the ocean sick
see, she loved to play jokes
when she held
the sea shell to her ear
she gasped, called my name
and said "i want you to hear this"
i said "yeah, right, everybody knows it's just the same old sea"
she replied "no. not this one. this one is special. listen. theres music in this one"
she handed me the shell
like a promise she couldn't keep
and i held it to my ear
with all the potential
of seeing shore
after being stranded
at sea for years
only to hear
a tired dirge of silence
spill from its emptiness
i guess she didn't know
how desperately
i wanted to hear it too
because ever since
something inside me snapped
now sand pours out
of every post card i open
i hear seagulls
in telephone static
sometimes i have dreams
where i bury my hands
in every beach
i've ever been on
and exhume this graveyard of noise
every time i try to sleep
i spit up fishhooks
and i guess i'm obsessed
but maybe
if i hold my ear
to enough vacant things
then i could have back
the time stolen from me
since it happened
maybe they would get it
if they knew what i wanted
when i blow out birthday candles
maybe they'll find me
face down in a wishing well
i watch eternal sunshine
of the spotless mind every day
pretending i can forget too
because this sea sickness
has followed me for years
because yesterday
i walked into a music shop
and all the pianos broke
but the only thing
i can think to say is
*do you know how bad
a memory has to be
that you fantasize
about forgetting it?