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but when i said
‘living on the edge,’
this was never
what i meant.

what i meant was real party all night
without parents’ permission;
not a pity party at night
with my self-destructing notions.

what i meant was real rollercoasters,
or go on life adventures;
not roller coasters
of all my life’s emotions.

what i meant was swim in the ocean,
or face my darkest fear.
not an ocean of my
darkest fears face me.

but i when i said
put ‘happy’ and ‘die’ together,
i meant to actually ‘die happy’
not to be ‘happy dying.’
I married a **** survivor
She was terrified and broken
Shaken till the last drop of blood
She can’t even face the mirror now
Now she hates herself for being a girl
Just few seconds had stolen her identity
Her respect, Her pride, Her value, Her existence
Corner of a room was now her place
Tears dried heart soaked smile disappeared
Yes i married a **** survivor!

Believing i could give back her effeminacy
I hold her hands when no one wanted her
Society expelled her,Why? Because she lost virginity
Because she lost her dignity
Because someone forced her played her
Because someone snatched her feminess
I don’t care, i love her and i promise to take care of her
I will bring back her pride her attitude her smile
Hoping i could take her to my world of peace
Yes i married a **** survivor!

I can’t touch her i can’t make her feel comfortable
Suddenly at night she wakes up and cry
That night still haunts her
My beautiful bud was plucked
Crushed and trampled her soul was tampered
I gave her home my family my love
Yet she resists inside of her, still her voice trembles
Still the cruel eyes of world poaches her
Still the comments of anyone shatters her
She tried a lot to move on but that cruel laugh torments her
But now she had her peace for she had hanged herself.
These are the words of a person who married a **** survivor woman and he is describing her fear and pain.
Yesterday it rained.
‘ ,  ‘,/  ‘ ,  ‘ ,\’ ,‘ , ‘ , ’
,   ‘ ,\ , ‘ ,‘ , ‘/‘,  ‘, , ‘
‘  ‘ ‘ /‘ , ‘ , ‘  \’  ‘, ‘ ,
‘   ‘  ‘ ‘  ‘   ‘  ‘  ‘  ‘   ‘
Forcing my lights to power off.
Last month we planted a seed.
We fantasized about our future SUN(or)FLOWER.
But lightening struck late last night.
Destroying my garden,
Snatching away my sunshine,
Leaving me trapped under heavy rain clouds.
Pouring teardrops of pain on my window.
Filling the skies with thundering disappointments,
As our paper plane came crashing down.
Dissolving in sorrow-filled puddles before our eyes.
All too soon, there was no time left between our “Hellos” & our “Goodbyes.”
“Who ever said, its impossible to miss what you never had?”
Creeping in....can't let it win...got too much to do ...pack my tools.... arrange Bubba's schedule for the next 6-8 weeks, clean the filth out of my garage from these last days of pretending to be ok and just leaving everything in disarray.  There's a Star that can make me smile but she won't look down at me so I'll frown until I can sneak another peek.
Do you think a girl could love a boy who writes for her a million poems?  That's what I plan to do.
 Oct 2018 Delia Darling
Jaden
Crush
 Oct 2018 Delia Darling
Jaden
I wish I could
draw that smile
from your lips

I want to make you
laugh... and-
Oh, i dunno.

I want to hold
your hand
in mine.
© KMH
*sigh*
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