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And she didn't even say hi.

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I couldn't seem to say goodbye.

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I met another for the night.

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Still can't seem to get you out of my mind.
 Dec 2018 Delia Darling
Joliver
Okay
 Dec 2018 Delia Darling
Joliver
If there was one word
One word, isolated by itself
That I cannot stand above all others
It would have to be "Okay"
I despise "Okay"
"Okay"
Is how your millionth day at work went
"Okay"
Is off-brand raisin bran
"Okay"
Is how you say life is going
When you don't want to admit you spend
Every second of it
Wanting to die

"Okay"
Is packed to the brim with
Hidden implications
Like a treasure chest
Filled with bottles
With little subliminal hatreds
Written on tiny slips of paper
Passively aggressively pushed inside
To discover later
As I pull out a treasure map
And try to decipher
Where I went wrong

"Okay"
Is a one word dismissal
That feels like an essay a thousand pages long
"Okay"
Is a poison dripping with disinterest
When I dared to share with you
Something I thought might make you smile
"Okay"
Is like trying to talk to a wall
While watching the paint on it dry
"Okay"
Takes two seconds to write
Yet I waited days
For that dreaded word
To grace my notifications
"Okay"
Should be used sparingly
As if each time you send it
You **** the receiver just a little bit
"Okay"
Should not be said so often that
I know what you're about to say
Like I saw it in a crystal ball
"Okay"
Is not looking up from your phone
When I tell you about my day
"Okay"
Is not the proper response
To "I love you"

They say that the opposite of love isn't hatred
It's indifference
And I can't think of a response
More indifferent to pouring out
My heart into your hands
Than "Okay"
At least the last thing you said to me
Before we parted ways
Showed that you cared
At least a little bit
"I hate you"
Stung less
Than the thousands of times
Over our countless conversations
You responded
"Okay"
Okay?
 Dec 2018 Delia Darling
Joliver
Today was a quiet day
The first in awhile
I slept a long, dreamless
Shapeless sleep
And was not roused by panic
Nor need
Hardly a word was spoken
Or a face recognized
And I felt profoundly alone
As I retreated into
My beloved solitude
-
Goodnight, my dear quiet day
May we meet again
In some extraordinary way
 Dec 2018 Delia Darling
Joliver
Take comfort in watching me crash and burn
And know you got out in time
Thank goodness you got out in time...
 Dec 2018 Delia Darling
bob
14 days
 Dec 2018 Delia Darling
bob
fourteen days doesnt seem like much
at least not to someone whos never had the touch
never felt the pain of loss or surrenidy through  themselves not another
never delt the shame or inevidability threw themselves down without a mother
it hurts but theres a way to the end they tell you
it hurts but theres another day to spend and embell you
you dont need this you need to stop
you dont bleed this you need to stop
this isnt you it isnt who you are
just shut up and get in the car
another day hiding in the shadow knowing they see you hurt
no other way subsiding in the shallow glowing in the sea you burnt
another night another thought it'll stop it'll die
yeah another  travesty another lie
out again to chase the "dream" in the hours
in doubt again erase the dream im in dowers
slurring and swirving drowning in perfection
blurring the deserving and frowning at the reflection
abe to see it but not abe to know it is pain
sitting alone to remanice in the rain
i hurt her i couldve killed her
if it werent her i wouldve killed in a blur
shaking with the pain another drink down the hatch
quaking in shame another brink of the patch
yeah right another glimpse of the light i can get out
soon locked away with no way out
theres more i may never say
yeah fourteen days isnt much
fourteen days is no pride especially for somone who lied
fourteen days is where i am and its where i will be id like to think
i pray to "god" not to pick up another drink
 Dec 2018 Delia Darling
bob
Too late
 Dec 2018 Delia Darling
bob
Shaking hands with warm embrace
Quaking words torn to erase
Doesn't just go away does it?
Just to know you say it does it?
With a gun to your head and them in your heart
You refuse to leave bed bc why even start
Just go to sleep at least there it's ok
That's just what you say isn't it?
A joke with no laugh I guess
Just a poke with a staff to that I digress
Becoming more convinced that you're ill
Short comings more intense almost surreal
Stop talking just to keep the silence
You stop walking just to sleep in the violence
Been drowning with no way to swim
Always frowning feeling so grimm
Someone else has them now it's over
Good for you take a bow you're sober
Why even push to be?
Why even push to see?
What's the achievement?
All it is is personal deceivement
This is who you are
This is who you are
Go back to your home
Go back to the bar
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