I hate Dallas
But the hotels nice
Well, at least the view is
See it?
Beautiful isn’t it.
That was earlier today.
Now I’m here
Just standing here ****
In front of this window
I’m wishing someone to see me
For a good laugh
Or
Maybe they will muster up the courage to come knock on my door
Even with the Do Not Disturb Sign hanging from the ****
It’s something about hotels that gets me thinking this way
Out of sorts and more so in the gutter
To think of all the love made between these walls
Passionate - married, unmarried, one night stands, flings…
the good, the bad, and the really REALLY bad
I imagine more of the third
I’m not this way at home
I lay content in my cotton sheets with the occasional hum of a car passing
But here, in this hotel looking out 26 stories above the city
All I want is you…against me
Until the sun rises
Where we will carry on
Go back to our lives
In silence

It’s not what you think.
I see you.

In the morning.
When I close my eyes.


At night
when I lay there restless

I see you.

I replay you
every smile,
every touch,
every breath
that brought life to my heart
that still beats for you.

You have
cut yourself open
and displayed your
naked soul

I sit in silence
trying to
decipher what is before me

Above the pain of
your organs
flowing out of
your bone and flesh
is the deafening ringing
in your ears
from my still tongue

Looking to me
for a sign of
any recognition

All I show you
is a voiceless distance

I could always
say more with you.

I feel like
pressing myself
into a book
and
giving it to you to read.

So you have turned me into a rock.
A quiet, still, hard, cold rock.

I’m burning to speak
And tell you how I really feel—
That I can’t stomach you.

But I know I board the plane in a few hours,
And for this, I find peace—
Enough peace to remain the rock.

From you, I have gained nothing but tolerance,
And the knowledge that you should never travel to meet someone you met online—
At least not without a backup plan.

I can’t fake a headache or the flu
and ask to be politely excused.
I so wish I could—grab my bag,
apologize sincerely,
and run for the door.

I would think it would be worth giving you my opinion—
just to appease me.

But in the same thought
an overpowering realization—
that even you are not worth that energy.
You might possibly even thrive on it—
Like a roach thrives on Raid
once the poison has lost its ability to throw the bug on it’s back , kicking.

So I instead will bite my tongue,
And do my best
to keep my eye rolling to a minimum…
when I’m in your peripheral…

I believe
women
are much more beautiful
than men

Whether you
look from the
outside in
or pull their flesh in
and expose them
inside out

I think
from now on
I will love only women.

He says he
loves me
but I
wish he would
make himself
stop
for there is
no life in me
to
love back.

I’ve bled
every cell
that pumped my
heart
and flowed
through my veins
into feeding
the memory of you.

There’s nothing left
of me
but a carcass
of shriveled
leathery skin
wrapped around
bone.