Deep Thought

Nov 2016

phil roberts

In the morning I awake
With the after-taste
Of a half-remembered dream
And a barely formed face
Shadow of the past
And emotions that last

And some of these dreams
Would make a hero cry
And some of these dreams
No matter how I try
I know will stay with me
Until the day I die

By Phil Roberts

Deep Thought Nov 2016

Ragamuffin

Nowadays, I don't even write nearly as much as I used to. Not for the reason that I don't want to, but I just have so much to say. By the time I get it written down on paper I find myself blank. Grasping for straws with nothing meaningful to say. I've been so caught up with life & all it's let downs that I never sit to actually write them out. Yet, here I am 10 PM at night on my couch, writing.

I am pondering the meaning of my existence. Wondering, does God have a plan for my life, does He even hear my prayers? I'm quite positive I am not the only one who lays up at night thinking these thoughts.

However, I know one thing is for certain. I wasn't put on Earth to get the extravagant house or even the nicest & fastest car. Those are merely toys that break down & have to be fixed every now & again. Kinda like our lives.

We head down a path that seems to be great, then we get there & realize it wasn't at all how we pictured it. See that's what scares me the most. Having got so far into life, but still have yet to get anywhere meaningful.

After all, that's what we're intentionally striving & searching for is meaning. If we weren't, then why try so hard at school or working to get the next BIG promotion. Reminds me of the story in Solomon (which I have yet to fully read.) It explains that he had it ALL yet in the end he says, "it's ALL just meaningless, meaningless."

**Which leads me to ask, where should we go from here?

#writing #plans #existence #prayers

Nov 2016

Chloe Chapman

The Mistakes I Made

Looking back I can see, how it all must have looked from your eyes.
The true nature of my actions, my words and my lies.
I admit there was something wrong in my mind
And it's only now I can see all the signs.
I broke myself for you, I made myself small,
I tried to be what you wanted, I gave you my all.

But it didn't matter what I did, what you wanted wasn't me,
I should have given up, and set myself free
But instead I kept smiling, "I'm fine" I lied.
I don't hold it against you, how you cast me aside,
But you see, when I finally gave up hope,
Life overwhelmed me and I could not cope.

I shut myself in, and everything out,
left alone with my mind, self-pity and doubt.
Like rot in my brain and decay in my heart,
It ate away at my passion, and my strength fell apart.
Forgive me if I blamed you, it wasn't your fault,
But I was bitter and tired, and blame is my default.

Then came guilt, a tsunami of shame,
When I realized that I was the one to blame.
In my selfish need I had broken our connection,
Wanting more than I deserved of intimacy and affection.
And here I stand, without you by my side,
With a broken heart and wounded pride.

#love #broken #hope #mind #shame #guilt #lie #try #overwhelmed #all

Deep Thought Nov 2016

Mommy Dearest

One late night in Seattle I had an out of body experience.
I jotted down this love letter from my deceased mother.
She told me a long time ago she'll be living in my heart forever, here is proof.**

You have to be patient with yourself. Know that nothing comes easy. You're going to fall multiple times throughout life but doesn't mean you can't stand above it. You'll have people who will break your heart having you searching for answers that you may never find. But know when it's right to let go. The more you look at the past the more destructive you'll become. I want you to be happy, I know you're more than capable of that. I remember you being a little girl that used to laugh at the little things. Understand life has it's ups & downs, that is something you'll never be able to escape. Remove yourself from anything negative or harmful to your heart. You are who you are & no one can alter that. Experience living but take advantage of the tangible things in front of you. Life doesn't always go as planned. The choices you make can only lead you to what fate has already decided. Love yourself like I did when I first met you at birth. Keep me close to you & never forget how much I love you.

- Mommy Dora

#lost #i #you #miss #loved #missing #pieces